Gundam Wing and the Gods of Thunder
by MomsDarkSecret
Summary: The GW boys are off again, this time to visit Midgard and Valhalla. Can Ragnarok be far behind? COMPLETED.
1. Why Bored Scientists are Dangerous

This story is number five in my Gundam Wing adventure series. The previous stories are, in chronological order: **Gundam Wing and the Knights of the Round Table, Gundam Wing and the Quest for the Holy Grail,** **The** **Magicians of Gundam Wing,** and **Gundam Wing and the Men of Sherwood Forest**. If you read this story without reading the others first, it might not make a lot of sense. But of course you, the reader, have total control!

**Disclaimer**: This is an original work of fiction, but the characters of Heero Yuy, Duo Maxwell, Wu-Fei Chang, Trowa Barton, Quatre Reberba Winner, Zechs Merquise and Treize Kushranada are borrowed from Gundam Wing AC by Hajime Yatate and Yoshiyuki Tomino and produced by Sunrise. Roku, on the other hand, is totally my creation and so is Alexa. Other Gundam Wing characters, like Sally Po and Lucretzia Noin, who might appear or be mentioned are also borrowed from Gundam Wing by Yatate-sama and Tomino-sama.

**Warnings**: This is a comedy, but you'll have to watch out for implied yaoi, not-so-implied yaoi, sexual innuendo, adult situations, occasional swearing, a general lack of respect for "decent" behavior and a noticeable tendency toward mayhem and destruction.

**Random Thought for the Afternoon**: "Do transgendered men yell at themselves if they leave the toilet seat up?"

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Chapter 1: **This is Why Bored Scientists are Dangerous**

"Hey! You're back!" Sally waved at Roku, who was sitting on the front porch of his house in human form eating yet another bowl of cereal.

Roku waved back. "Hi Miss Sally! Yeah, we got back last night. Everyone else is still, uh, sleeping."

Sally sat down next to him. "How was your trip? Did you have fun?"

"It was great! We did all kinds of neat stuff."

"How long were you there?"

"All summer."

"That long, huh? It's weird, because it's only been two weeks since you left."

"Mama planned it that way."

"That's pretty clever."

"Mama is very clever." Roku spooned up the last of his cereal and licked his lips. "Would you like some cereal, Miss Sally?"

"No thanks, Roku. I already had breakfast. When do you think everyone will be up? I'm sure Noin will want to put everyone back to work. She's convinced herself she can't run things as smoothly as Zechs, even though we've had no problems."

Roku cocked his head to one side and listened. "They're getting up now. Why don't you come in?" He stood up and led the way into the house.

Wu-Fei was just emerging from the rear hallway, scratching his back. "Sally! Good morning! Nice to see you."

"Good morning, Wu-Fei! Welcome back."

"Thanks. I was just about to make some breakfast. Can I offer you anything?"

"No, thanks. I'm looking forward to hearing about your trip."

"You mean Roku hasn't already bent your ear with all the details?"

"Not yet." Sally patted Roku on the head.

"I wasn't sure which parts you wanted to keep secret," Roku said innocently.

Wu-Fei snorted. "Given our excellent track record in holding back embarrassing details, I don't think it's a problem if you tell Sally the whole sordid story from beginning to end. How much worse can it be than what we've already let slip?"

"Good point," Sally chuckled.

"I'd have to agree with that," said Trowa, who appeared at that moment. "Hey Sally."

"Hi Trowa."

"How have things been? No problems, I hope?"

"Everything's fine, although Noin has been having a rough time rebuffing the attentions of that shuttle pilot. He really has a thing for her."

"Maybe she should give him a chance," Wu-Fei said. "I remember she was pretty bummed about Zechs. A little romance might be just the thing."

"I agree with you, but I think she needs a little more time. How is Zechs? Are he and Treize still…?"

"They stopped being naughty an hour ago," Roku volunteered. Then he paused. "Oh, wait, I take that back. They're in the shower now."

"No kidding!" Duo complained loudly as he entered the room rubbing his head. "And Heero kicked me out of bed. He's so mean!" Then he saw Sally and flushed. "Oh! Hi Sally! Um… What I meant was…"

Sally held up a hand. "Don't bother explaining. I think I figured out what's going on." She grinned. "You guys certainly are entertaining. Where's Quatre?"

"He's coming. He just had an idea about a scientific experiment he wants to try. He said he's going to gather some materials he needs."

Wu-Fei stared at Duo suspiciously. "You haven't been giving him ideas, have you?"

"Who? Me?" Duo blinked in wide-eyed innocence. "Quatre and I just talked for a little while after the rest of you went to sleep. He wanted help with the unpacking."

"Duo…"

"What?"

"I don't trust you at all."

"Then you shouldn't have fallen asleep so quickly last night. I still had a bunch of energy to work off. What's for breakfast? I'm starved."

At that moment, Quatre came in carrying a small metal box. "Sally! Good morning!"

"Welcome home, Quatre. What's that you've got there?"

"Oh, nothing!" Quatre laughed weakly. "It's just some, ah, materials for an experiment I want to try." He quickly put the box in the refrigerator and rubbed his hands together briskly. "Well then," he said brightly, "what's for breakfast?"

"Wu-Fei's making some tasteless vegetable thing," Duo informed him grumpily. "I was about to make a light breakfast of bacon, sausages, ham, eggs, toast, kippers and oatmeal. Want some?"

"That's a light breakfast? And what about the cereal you're eating right now?"

"That's just to tide me over until breakfast is ready. I was practically fainting from hunger."

"Poor baby," Trowa whispered to Sally.

"He does look a little pale," Sally whispered back.

Heero appeared while Duo was cooking and by the time Duo's "light" breakfast was ready, Treize and Zechs finally made their appearance.

"Sally!" Zechs exclaimed. "It's good to see you. How is Noin? How is the project going?"

"Fine and fine. Noin will be glad to see you, though. She's been in a frazzle."

"I shouldn't have dumped everything on her like that," Zechs said apologetically. "I was being very selfish."

"I think it's understandable, under the circumstances," said Sally. She smiled at Treize. "How are you feeling, Treize?"

"Exhausted, but a meal will refresh me."

"Didn't any of you guys sleep last night?"

"I did!" Roku piped up.

Sally shook her head and laughed. "Men!"

Noin was extremely glad to discover that Zechs was back. She didn't even seem to mind that Treize was there, too.

"Zechs! Thank god! I had no idea how much work you were doing! Thank god you're back!" She flung her arms around him.

"I'm sure you've handled everything just fine, Noin." Zechs hugged her for a moment and then pushed her away a little so he could look at her. "Sally told us there haven't been any problems."

"Well, no big ones, it's just…"

"I knew you could handle it, Noin. I had complete confidence in you from the very beginning."

Noin stared at him with round eyes.

"Uh oh!" Duo whispered. "He really has to learn how to turn off the charm."

"We'd better distract her," Wu-Fei whispered back. "Where are the presents?"

"Roku has them." Duo raised his voice. "Hey Roku, why don't you get the presents we brought for Sally and Noin?"

"Ok."

The presentation of gifts caused a momentary distraction, but after a while, Noin fell to contemplating Zechs and Treize again with an unhappy look on her face.

"Zechs, why don't you go to work with Noin?" Treize said casually. "I'll go put our things away at your cottage."

"All right," Zechs said. He glanced at the Gundam pilots. "The rest of you should go to work as well and Roku can go to school. We should get back into our routine to avoid attracting attention." He smiled at Treize. "I'll see you tonight."

"I'll make dinner."

Noin looked from one to the other with a slight frown. "Let's go, Zechs."

The next few weeks went by without incident. Everyone settled back into their routines. Now that Heero was back, the sprites returned, but he kept them busy with chores and errands so they wouldn't cause trouble. Roku made numerous projects in his art class which he proudly displayed all over the house. Trowa's staff kept slithering off to watch Noin change clothes, but kept out of sight.

Quatre spent long hours holed up in a laboratory working on an experiment which, suspiciously, periodically required Duo's help.

This caused the other pilots to begin speculating on what Quatre might be doing.

"Duo has no scientific training at all," Heero noted. "Of what possible help could he be in a lab?"

"I don't know," said Trowa. "When I ask Quatre about it, he becomes extremely vague. It's not like him."

Wu-Fei mumbled something under his breath.

"What's that?" said Heero.

"I said I hope they aren't doing what I think they're doing."

"And what might that be?"

"I'm not going to say. I just hope that Quatre isn't being foolish."

Then one night, Quatre and Duo stayed out very late. Trowa was decidedly unhappy. He kept pacing back and forth in the living room, stopping every now and then to look out the front door.

"Do you think he's worried or jealous?" Heero speculated.

"Both," replied Wu-Fei. "And well he should be. I wouldn't put it past Duo to try something."

"Me neither."

"Would you two shut up?"

At that moment, Duo and Quatre burst in cradling a medical container between them.

Trowa rounded on them. "Where have you two been? I've been worried."

"We were finishing our experiment."

"Is that it?" Trowa pointed at the container.

"Yes, but now we have a problem," said Quatre.

"What do you mean?"

"My experiment worked. It's viable and now we have to do something with it."

"Viable? What do you mean it's viable?" Trowa stared at the container. "What do you have in there?"

"Um… Well…" Quatre looked guilty. "It's an embryo."

"A what?!"

"An embryo. I made it from material I, ah, borrowed from Treize and Zechs. If I was on the Winner station I could put it in one of our incubators, but…"

"What the hell were you doing making an embryo?!" Trowa exclaimed. "What were you thinking?"

Quatre hung his head. "I wanted to see if I could make a viable embryo using just reproductive material from men. I wasn't sure if it would work and, well, I admit I resorted to just a tiny bit of magic."

"Quatre…" Trowa covered his face with one hand. "So just what are you planning to do with it now that your experiment worked?"

"Well…" Quatre mumbled.

"You can't!" Wu-Fei exclaimed. "Not without asking!"

"But what if he says no?"

"You should have thought of that before!"

"But it's their baby!"

"Oh geez!" Heero exclaimed. "Just put the thing in Zechs and get it over with. You're gonna wake up Roku."

"Heero!" Wu-Fei said sharply. "He can't just go turn Zechs into a woman without his permission."

"I don't need to do that," Quatre said. "I can plant it in him and then take it out later after incubation."

"Using magic?"

"Uh huh." Quatre sat down on the floor with the medical container between his knees. "Duo, you can tell where Zechs is, right?"

"Sure."

"Good, sit next to me. Give me your hand." Quatre closed his eyes and began muttering a long string of Latin syllables.

"This is so not good," Wu-Fei muttered. "Zechs is going to be seriously pissed off."

"Then don't tell him," Heero said. "It'll be a while before he figures it out. I'm going to bed."

Quatre finished his spell and there was a faint puffing noise.

"Is that it?" asked Duo.

"Yup, it's done. Zechs Merquise is now expecting."

"Will his pregnancy run fast, like yours did?"

"I think so. I worked that into the spell I used to plant the embryo in him. I think it should only take four or five months."

"You realize if women ever get wind of this spell, you could become the richest man in the history of civilization."

"That's what they said about the artificial incubators."

"And the Winners are one of the richest families in the Earth Sphere. You could become even richer."

"No thanks."

"Then teach me how to do it so I can be the richest person in the Earth Sphere."

"Shut up, Duo."

Everyone watched Zechs curiously the next morning, but he showed no sign of feeling anything unusual. In fact, the only one who noticed anything was Roku.

"Mr. Zechs smells different," Roku remarked casually.

"What's that?" Quatre asked worriedly. "Different? What do you mean?"

"I don't know. He just smells different."

"Why don't you keep that observation to yourself for awhile?"

"Ok."

A few more weeks went by and still no one seemed to notice anything different. But then one night, Treize and Zechs joined the Gundam pilots for dinner.

"I don't know what's wrong with me lately," Zechs remarked. He pushed his plate away. "Food tastes really funny too me all of a sudden."

"Oh?" Treize touched a worried hand to Zechs' forehead. "Maybe Sally should examine you. Your stomach has gotten a bit puffy, too."

"Maybe it's the baby," Roku said. "Can I eat your dinner if you're not going to, Mr. Zechs?"

"Baby?" Treize and Zechs questioned in unison. "What are you talking about?"

Roku did not appear to notice the frantic shushing motions that Quatre and Duo were making.

"The baby in Mr. Zechs' tummy. I can hear its heart beating."

"Oh no!" Quatre groaned. "Roku, I was really waiting for the right moment to tell Zechs about that."

"Sorry, Mama."

Treize fixed a stern glare on Quatre. "I think now might be the right moment to tell us about that. Why is it that Roku can hear a baby in Zechs' tummy?"

Quatre put a hand over his face. "Because I, ah, put one there."

Zechs went pale. "You put a baby inside me? How the hell did you do that?"

"Well, you see, I was doing this experiment and it worked, so, well, I ended up with this viable embryo that I had made from you and Treize so I thought, well, you wouldn't mind having a baby with him, so I, well, sort of, um, used magic to plant it inside you."

Treize looked dumfounded. "You made a baby from me and Zechs?"

Quatre nodded. "It's a girl."

Treize and Zechs stared at each other.

"We're having a little girl," Treize murmured. They leaned close together and whispered quietly to each other for a moment.

"Won't Miss Noin find it kind of strange?" Roku asked innocently.

Zechs froze. "Oh crap!" He looked down at his stomach. "I'm already starting to show. We have to do something."

"We should go somewhere until after the baby's born," Treize suggested.

"What a minute!" Zechs exclaimed. "Now that you bring that up, I'm not giving birth to a baby! I'm not designed for it. And I can't just turn myself into a tiger like Quatre did."

"I'll take care of that when the time comes, Zechs," Quatre assured him. "I would never make a man go through that. We're not strong enough."

"Treize is right, though," Wu-Fei said. "We can't let anyone see Zechs in this condition."

"Let's do a little time traveling, then," Duo said cheerfully. "We can go somewhere until Zechs has his baby and then all we have to tell anyone is that they adopted."

"We might as well tell Sally the truth, though," Heero said with a snort. "She'll find out anyway. And she can cover for us with Noin."

"Oh goody!" Roku said. "I like time travel. I picked the last place. Who wants to pick this time?"

"Well," Trowa said thoughtfully, "I've always been interested in the ancient past. I wouldn't mind going to Midgard."

"Midgard?" said Duo. "Where's that?"

"Did you learn nothing in school?" Wu-Fei said disgustedly. "It's the creation legend from Norse mythology."

"If it's a myth, how can we go there?"

"How do we go anywhere in the past?"

"Good point."

"You're not too angry with me are you Zechs?" Quatre asked. "I really wasn't sure if my experiment would succeed and I was caught a little off guard when it did."

"I think it would have been better if you'd asked me first."

"You're right. I apologize."

The next morning, Wu-Fei collected Noin for work and told her that Zechs was feeling a little under the weather.

"Is he?" said Sally. "Maybe I should go over and check on him."

"I'm sure he'd appreciate that," Wu-Fei said.

When Sally arrived at Zechs' cottage, she found Quatre and Trowa there along with Treize. "Wu-Fei said you're not feeling well, Zechs."

"Yeah, I'll let Quatre explain why."

"Quatre?" Sally stared at the named gentleman in confusion.

Well you see, I was doing this experiment and it worked out really well, so the upshot of the whole thing is Zechs is pregnant."

"What?!"

"Um, Zechs is pregnant."

Sally glanced at Treize.

Treize held up his hands. "I was only peripherally involved. It's mainly Quatre's doing."

Sally looked back at Quatre.

"I used some magic, but the baby is genetically theirs."

"I see." Sally turned back to Zechs. "I guess I'd better examine you, although I'm not entirely sure what to look for." She palpated his abdomen and listened to it with a stethoscope. "Yup, there's a baby in there all right. We absolutely cannot let Noin find out about this."

"That's what we thought," said Trowa. "We're thinking of taking another trip."

"Good idea. But don't stay gone so long this time, ok?"

"Ok. We can leave tonight and be back by morning."

Sally chuckled. "You guys just don't know how to stay out of trouble, do you?"

Quatre looked sheepish. "It was just a really interesting idea."

"Yeah, well next time, keep your ideas to yourself," Zechs muttered.


	2. An Unusual Winter

Chapter 2: **An Unusual Winter**

"Quatre, are you sure that spell is going to work?" Duo stared skeptically at the words on the page of Quatre's spell book.

Quatre frowned at him. "You question the book now? It hasn't been wrong yet."

"There's always a first time," Duo mumbled.

"Oh, be quiet! I need to concentrate. Now, do we have everything?" Quatre looked around at their piles of belongings. Since they didn't know what the weather would be like, and they did expect to be very far north, they were packed and dressed for cold weather. To be on the safe side, and surprisingly with Quatre's permission, they had stuffed a bunch of extra gear into Roku's storage space as well.

"We're ready," Trowa said. "I think we should carry everything, just in case it's muddy where we land."

"Good idea," Wu-Fei agreed.

Everyone shouldered packs and tucked other bags and parcels under their arms.

Sally watched with great interest. "Do you have oil for Wu-Fei, in case the climate change causes…" she trailed off without saying the dreaded "s" word.

Wu-Fei shuddered.

Roku nodded. "I have it, Miss Sally."

Sally smiled at Roku. "We can always count on you, dear."

"I like being helpful."

"You're such a sweet boy."

Roku beamed.

"Let's hit the road," Heero grumbled. "I hate standing around."

"I need some crackers," Zechs moaned. "I feel nauseous."

Roku pulled a small bag of crackers from under one arm and handed it to Zechs. "I packed a bunch of these, Mr. Zechs. Mama said you might need them."

"Thank you, Roku. Thanks, Quatre."

"You're welcome," Quatre said absently. He was studying the spell and murmuring to himself. "Ok, I think I'm ready." He looked up at Sally. "So the plan is we'll return tomorrow morning. Try to keep Noin from looking for us before then."

"Will do." Sally waved goodbye and stepped outside, just to make sure she didn't get caught up in the spell.

"All right, then. Here we go." Quatre held the book up and read the spell aloud in a clear voice.

There was a brief moment of disorientation and then a biting cold wind blasted across the group.

"Holy shit!" Duo cried. "Let's go back!"

Blowing snow cut into every bit of exposed flesh. Ice formed instantly under their noses and on their chins and eyelashes. It was very dark.

"This sucks!" Heero exclaimed. "Maybe Duo was right about that spell!"

"We're in the right place!" Quatre shouted back. "We're just in the middle of a blizzard! Can anyone see anything? We need to get inside!"

"I smell smoke, Mama! I think there's a building over there!"

"Lead the way, Roku! Everyone hold onto each other!"

The group formed a chain, grabbing cloaks, arms, whatever they could reach, and Roku carefully led the way through the storm until a large wooden structure loomed up in front of them. They made their way along the wall until they found a wide door with big iron studs set into it. Heero stepped forward, gripped the heavy latch and lifted it. When it appeared that it wasn't locked, he leaned his shoulder against the door and shoved it open with a loud creak.

A wave of welcome heat and light poured out and everyone tumbled inside. Heero shoved the door shut behind them.

Several big, bearded men in woolen tunics and breeches turned to stare at them in surprise. Pretty much everyone was clutching a big wooden tankard and a few had the contents dribbling unnoticed down their faces as they stared at the newcomers.

A big-boned woman, distinguishable from the men mostly because she was not bearded and wearing a woolen dress, clouted the man nearest her with the flat of her hand.

"Why don't you greet your guests, you idiot?" she exclaimed. Then she stepped forward and inclined her head politely. "Welcome, friends. Make yourselves comfortable. You can drop your gear on the table over there." She pointed to a long table under some tightly shuttered windows. "Can I get you a meal, or perhaps a few tankards of mead? We make the best you can find in these parts. I have roast mutton and bread baked fresh this morning if you're inclined to eat."

"How come we can understand her?" Heero muttered under his breath. "Shouldn't she be speaking Norse or something?"

"I cast a language spell on us," Quatre replied quietly. "I like to plan ahead."

"Food and drink sound great!" Duo said brightly. He dumped his pack on the indicated table and stared curiously at the tankard one of the bearded men was holding. "That mead smells mighty tasty. Can't say I've had that before. I wouldn't mind a tankard."

"One moment, sir, and I'll set you up," said the man the woman had smacked. "My name is Horvald and this is my inn. Please, as my wife Inga said, make yourselves at home. I've rooms enough for all of you upstairs. With the weather we've been having, there aren't a lot of travelers."

"This weather is unusual?" Treize asked as he, Zechs and the others took seats at a long table near the fireplace.

The big common room of the inn boasted several long tables with benches on either side arranged in rows around a central fireplace that filled the room with warmth. The fireplace was also the only source of light. Dozens of barrels were stacked against the wall opposite the door. One barrel was open and the innkeeper dipped a thick yellow liquid from inside with a ladle and poured it into tankards.

"Aye, it's supposed to be spring right now," Horvald said as he brought tankards to the table. "But it just keeps getting colder. This is the third blizzard we've had in the past ten days. We should be putting the sheep out to graze, but instead we're eating them." He shook his head sadly. "These are bad times."

"Oh pish!" Inga exclaimed as she reappeared carrying a vast tray loaded with bread and meat. "You men are so gloomy!" She set the tray on the table in front of her new guests with a broad smile. "Now you just put yourselves on the outside of that and you'll forget all about the cold."

"Now this is what I call hospitality!" Duo exclaimed. He picked up a tankard and took a long drink. "Man, that is tasty!" He smacked his lips and picked up a chunk of roast mutton. "Yummy!"

Roku sniffed curiously at the mead. "It smells like honey."

"Aye, little one, it's made from honey," Inga said. "But maybe it's too strong for a youngster like you. Would you like a bit of goat milk?"

"Yes, please."

"I would like goat milk, too, please," Wu-Fei said quickly. He stared with dismay at the giant tankards of ale the others were quaffing contentedly.

"You should try it, Wu-Fei," Heero said. "It's not that bad."

"It's very strong, though," Zechs said. He smiled at Inga. "I think I'd better have goat milk, too, if you don't mind."

"It's no bother at all, sir," Inga said with a smile. She disappeared into the kitchen and returned a moment later with three brimming mugs of goat milk. "It's quite fresh. I can put a bit of honey in it if you want it sweetened."

"No thank you," said Wu-Fei, but Zechs and Roku both accepted the offer of a little honey.

Then everyone dug into the meat and bread before Duo ate it all.

Duo was working on his third tankard of mead when one of the bearded men stepped over and clapped a thick hand on his shoulder.

"Little man," the bearded fellow exclaimed, "my comrades and I are wondering just where you're putting all that food and drink. A little fellow like you wouldn't seem to have the room for it all."

Duo grinned broadly. "Now, sir, you wouldn't be meaning to imply that size makes a difference when it comes to having a proper capacity for the consumption of drink?"

"Well now," said the man, "while there have been a few rare individuals who could drink beyond one's expectations, in general we find there's a direct relationship between a man's bulk and the number of tankards he can drain."

"Really?" Duo's eyes were sparkling. "Would you perhaps care to put a little wager on that belief?"

"Oh no!" Heero groaned. "Not again!"

"Do you think we should warn them?" Quatre murmured.

"They're grown men," said Treize. "They can stand to learn the hard way. Besides, there's nothing else to do." He leaned on one elbow and put his other arm around Zechs. "Let's watch." Zechs leaned against him with a smile.

The bearded man shook Duo's hand. "I'm Borsgard."

Duo hooked a thumb toward his own chest. "Duo."

Borsgard turned around and waved at the other men. "Yo! This little man here wagers he can drink us under the table. What do you say? Who's got some coin to put up?"

"That tiny fellow? Hah!"

"My ten year old is bigger!"

With more such comments, several men collected at one table and they waved Duo over.

"Sit here, fellow! We'll drink with you, although we've had a bit of a head start."

Horvald brought over several refilled tankards. "I don't know about that. The lad's already put away three full tankards. You've only got one up on him, Skald."

"In that case," said Duo, "I'd better catch up." And he promptly drained one of the tankards.

Several pairs of eyes regarded Duo appreciatively.

"I think you're in over your head, Borsgard," Inga laughed. "You better put your coin on the table now."

A dozen or so copper and silver coins were produced from various pockets and dumped on the table. Duo matched it with a few silver coins of his own. Everyone eyed the money curiously, because they hadn't seen coins like his before, but they finally all agreed it was good silver and perfectly acceptable. Then they got down to the serious business of drinking.

"I may be sick," Wu-Fei murmured. "How can he drink that stuff?"

"It actually tastes pretty good," Quatre said.

"But that's his sixth tankard! Nothing tastes good after that much of it."

"You're a wimp, Fei," Heero said absently. He was working on his third tankard.

"Ho! Thurm's down!" someone cried as one bearded man slumped off the bench onto the floor.

"That's nothing!" Skald said. "He could never hold his liquor anyway." He tipped up his seventh tankard and drained it. "Match that!"

Around the table, tankards were lifted and drained. Another man tumbled off the bench. After two more rounds, only Duo, Borsgard and Skald were left. The sound of snoring was starting to rival the roar of the wind outside.

Horvald opened another barrel of mead. "I just hope someone remembers to pay for this in the morning," he said mournfully.

"Don't worry, sir," said Quatre. "We'll pay for it, since our friend started it. But we'll need to be shown to our rooms pretty soon, I think. My son's gone to sleep." Roku was curled up on the bench with his head in Quatre's lap. Zechs was sound asleep on Treize's shoulder.

"Of course, sir. But I think they're almost done. I've never seen Borsgard manage more than ten tankards and Skald's best is twelve."

Horvald's words proved prophetic when Borsgard passed out not long after that and Skald fell asleep shortly after, sprawled across the table with his face resting in the pool of mead spilled from his twelfth tankard.

Duo stood up and stretched. "It's weird. Mead doesn't go through me quite as fast as ale. Still, I could sure use an outhouse right now."

Horvald pointed toward a side door. "There's an outhouse through that door, but I don't think anyone will care if you let fly against the wall outside. In this blizzard, you might get lost trying to reach the outhouse."

Duo nodded and disappeared through the side door.

Inga came in from the kitchen. "Look at this mess! Well, there was no sending this lot home tonight anyway." She walked over and carefully picked up Roku. "Come on then, let me show you where you can sleep." She led the way up a narrow flight of stairs at the side of the room to a low upstairs hall with rows of doors on either side. "They're all empty, so take your pick." She opened the first door and settled Roku on a down-stuffed mattress inside.

Quatre hovered over her nervously. "Will he be warm enough?"

"Sure. Here are a couple of nice wool blankets to cover him. And the flue from the fireplace goes right up through this floor to the roof. It stays nice and warm up here."

Trowa took Quatre's hand. "He'll be fine. Let's go to bed. I'm exhausted."

"All right."

Duo came up as they stepped down the hall to the next room. "It's really cold outside. I think the blizzard is getting worse."

Inga nodded. "Most likely it will get worse for another day before it gets better. Damn ice giants! They can't leave well enough alone."

They all stared at her. "Ice giants?"

"Yes. The ice giants are causing the blizzards. But don't you worry about that! This inn has withstood worse. You all get a good night's sleep. I'll have fresh bread, boiled eggs, blood pudding and boiled salt cod for breakfast." Inga made her way back down the stairs.

Wu-Fei's face went pale. "I don't even want to know what blood pudding is."

"It sounds pretty good," said Duo.

Wu-Fei groaned.

"Anyway, let's go to bed," Duo said brightly. "I need to warm up. A little sexual activity is just what I need to take the chill off." He grabbed Heero and Wu-Fei by the hand and led them into the room opposite Roku's.

Treize, who was supporting a half-asleep Zechs, went into the room next to that and Trowa led Quatre into the room next to Roku's.

"Don't worry, Quatre," Trowa said as he snuggled with the young man on the comfy goose-down mattress. "Roku will know where we are. And I think Duo has the right idea about keeping warm. One does need to be careful of frostbite in freezing weather."

"So you plan to stay warm by removing my clothing?" Quatre asked dryly.

"Just some of it," Trowa murmured. "You don't really need this part down here, do you?"

"Apparently not," Quatre moaned. "Oh! That part of you is not frostbitten at all!"

"But it feels so much warmer now!" Trowa groaned. "I'll just keep rubbing it up and down in there so it stays nice and warm, if you don't mind."

"Ah! If you insist! Oh my!"

In their room, Treize spooned up against Zechs' back and patted his tummy. "How do you feel?"

"Fine," Zechs murmured sleepily. "Who won the drinking contest? I fell asleep."

"You have to ask?" Treize chuckled. "Duo, of course."

"I'm starting to feel so fat," Zechs complained. "Pretty soon, you won't want to touch me."

"I find that impossible to imagine."

"But you always used to say my torso turned you on."

"Zechs, my love, everything about you turns me on."

"You're just saying that," Zechs pouted. "I'm getting fat and ugly."

"If you think so, just hold still for a minute."

"What are you doing?"

"Proving otherwise."

"Treize Kushranada, get your hand out of there! I'm trying to sleep."

"Forget that. You're the one who got me thinking about your body. Now I'm all excited."

"Treize! Stop touching that! Don't undo that! Is that your tongue? Oh god!"

"Mmm…" Treize murmured. "I rather like you're tummy like this. It's tasty. So is this part."

"Oh!" Zechs groaned.

"Now you seem to be excited too."

"You're the one who started licking things!"

"I don't think it will hurt the baby if I sit up while I do this. Do you mind if I move your leg over here?"

"I get a choice?"

"You can put it up here if you want."

"Gee, thanks! Oh!" Zechs gasped. "You're huge!"

"And you worry that I'll stop finding you attractive," Treize moaned. "I still haven't figured out how to get enough. You can sleep later."

Zechs groaned deeply. "You always feel so good. You really don't think I'm getting fat?"

"You're not fat. You're unbelievably sexy. Especially with my baby inside you."

"Really?"

"Really."

"I love you, Treize."

"I love you, too, Zechs.

In the room next door, Duo groaned aloud. "Geez! If they get any sappier, I may be sick! What happened to the happily lustful guys we used to know? They're like an old married couple."

"It's your own fault," Wu-Fei muttered. "You were the one who put the idea in Quatre's head. Babies affect people in strange ways."

"Yeah," said Heero. "Look what it did to Quatre."

"Even still…" Duo said.

"Anyway, stop eavesdropping on them, you damn mind-reader!" Heero continued. "Give them a little privacy."

"It's not like I'm trying!"

"Give it a rest. And turn over. I'm not finished."

Duo grinned and rolled onto his stomach. "If you're going to put it like that...!" He chuckled gleefully. "Who needs romance?"

"Not you, apparently," Wu-Fei grumbled. "Can you do that quietly? I want to go to sleep now."

"G'night, Fei."

"Good night."

In the morning, they were shaken awake by a shuddering rumble. It was followed a moment later by another quick, loud shaking, and then a third.

Duo sat up with a start. "What the hell was that?"

"I don't know," said Heero, "but I don't like it. Get dressed. I want to get outside."

"Right."

They met the others in the hall and exchanged startled glances.

"Is this region prone to earthquakes?" Zechs asked.

"It was too short for an earthquake," said Wu-Fei.

"It felt like big footsteps," Roku said.

Everyone stared at him.

"Ice giants!" Heero shouted and they all raced for the stairs.

In the common room, they found excitement and confusion.

"The ice giants are outside!" Horvald cried. "They've come down out of the mountains! They'll wipe out our village!"

Inga clutched Horvald's arm and nodded fearfully. "They'll knock the houses and buildings down so we have no protection from the storm! That's what they do. They cause the storms and if it gets cold enough, they destroy human villages. We're doomed!" She began to sob.

"I don't think so!" Quatre said with an angry glower. "We didn't come all this way to get frozen to death. Roku, I need your help. Weather's tricky."

"What are you going to do?" Treize asked.

"If it gets too warm, the ice giants will have to retreat. We're going to break the storm. Come on, Roku."

Quatre and Roku put on their heavy cloaks and went outside. The others quickly followed, along with Horvald, Inga and several of the men from last night. Outside, the wind was howling and the snow was blowing nearly horizontally. Quatre clutched Roku's hand and the two of them struggled several paces out into the wind before turning to face each other.

"What are they doing?" Horvald cried.

"They're sorcerers!" Trowa shouted. "It's going to be all right!"

Quatre and Roku stretched their hands up into the sky and began to chant in unison. The Latin phrases could barely be heard over the howl of the wind.

"Do you think it will work?" Zechs shouted. "With just the two of them?"

"If it was just Quatre, I might worry," Trowa shouted back, "but Roku is the greatest natural sorcerer ever born. And we haven't yet found anything he can't do."

It took several minutes, but suddenly, the wind began to die. It managed a last few fierce gusts, but then it abruptly died away completely. A moment later, the snowfall began to lessen.

An angry roar shattered the air from only a short distance away, followed by a loud crash and the sound of splintering wood. The Norsemen huddled near the wall of the inn cried out in fear. A break appeared in the clouds and a strip of bright blue sky became visible. The break widened rapidly and sunlight streaked down toward the ground. There was another fearsome roar, but this time it was followed by the shuddering rumble of large footsteps retreating into the distance.

The clouds began breaking up into fluffy white cumulous and the air became noticeably warmer.

"Did you see anything?" Treize said. He was staring toward the mountains, shading his eyes with one hand.

"No," Zechs replied. "There's too much fog in that direction."

"Whatever they were, they were way pissed off," Duo reported.

"Look!" someone cried. "Lothvar's barn is smashed in!"

"We're lucky it was just a barn!" Horvald said. "Thank the gods!"

"Ha!" Inga cried. "Thank these strangers! They're the ones who saved us. If you ask me, it's the gods' fault we're having all this trouble with ice giants."

"Hush, woman!" Horvald said quickly. "Don't say such things aloud! Do you want to draw Odin's attention?"

"Hmph!" Inga huffed. She turned to Quatre and Roku. "Thank you, young masters. You've done us a great service. Come and have some breakfast, on the house!"

"What!" Horvald exclaimed.

Inga pointedly ignored him as she ushered everyone back inside.


	3. The Gods Appear

Chapter 3: **The Gods Appear**

"This breakfast is great!" Duo exclaimed. He shoveled another big spoonful of blood pudding into his mouth.

Wu-Fei turned an impressive shade of green as he sipped weakly on a brewed drink that passed for tea in these parts.

"Um hmm!" Roku agreed enthusiastically. He levered another pile of boiled salt cod onto a thick slice of bread and munched it happily.

Inga smiled broadly. "It does a cook good to see healthy appetites like yours," she said. "Eat up! There's plenty more."

"Sure! Sure!" Horvald moaned. "Give away all my best fare." Then he looked guilty. "It's not that I don't appreciate what you've done for us, but a man has to make a living, you know?"

"Don't worry about it, sir," Trowa told him quietly. "We have plenty of coin and don't mind parting with it. But neither do we want to insult your wife's generosity. Maybe we'll just overpay for the mead and dinner last night."

Horvald brightened. "You're a true gentleman, sir!"

A low rumble started outside that grew steadily louder.

"Oh no!" Inga cried. "Are the ice giants coming back?"

Horvald peeked out the window. "Worse!" he exclaimed. He turned to Inga. "I warned you not to speak ill of the gods! It's Thor's wagon! Now what shall we do?"

"Thor's wagon?" Trowa exclaimed. He, Heero, Quatre and Treize crowded around the window.

"Those have got to be the biggest goats I've ever seen!" Treize said.

"But look at the size of the wagon they're pulling!"

"It's huge!"

A massive wagon with wheels as tall as a man and tall sides rumbled to a halt outside the inn. The two shaggy black-and-white goats that pulled it were the size of oxen. The burly driver was easily as wide as two men and well over two meters tall. His bushy red beard completely covered his chest. Despite the lingering cold, he was wearing nothing but a sleeveless wool tunic that reached to mid-thigh and sturdy leather sandals that laced up his calves. The muscles in his bare arms and legs looked like steel bands. He wielded an enormous hammer as he leaped down from the driver's seat and the ground shook when he landed.

Two other men jumped down from the bed of the wagon. One was exceedingly fair with shoulder length blond hair that was arranged in artful curls. His eyes were a deep blue and dimples formed in his cheeks when he smiled, which he appeared to do very easily. The other man had dark brown hair and dark eyes and he looked around suspiciously as the three approached the door to the inn.

"I think they're coming in," Quatre said.

"Oh no!" Horvald hung his head in his hands.

The door banged open and the big man stomped through first. The other two stepped in behind him and moved to either side, facing the room's occupants with stern expressions.

Inga glared at them. "You could at least shut the door!" she snapped. "Do you think I build a fire to heat the whole outdoors?"

The three men's stern expressions immediately changed to looks of chagrin. The dark haired man stepped back and closed the door. "Your pardon, Mistress," he murmured.

"That's better," Inga muttered.

Horvald looked panicked as he made a hasty bow. "How may my humble inn be of service to three lords of Valhalla?"

The blond-haired man stepped forward. "Which of you is the god who broke the ice giants' spell?"

Roku giggled and Quatre shushed him. "My son and I broke that spell," Quatre said, "but neither of us is a god. We're sorcerers."

"Truly?" The blond-haired man swung his hair back with an artful toss of his head. "I am the renowned god Frey and my companions are the mighty gods Thor and Heimdall."

Heimdall stepped forward and regarded Roku with dark suspicion. "Are you sure this one is not a god? I sense great power here."

Quatre moved between Heimdall and Roku and his brows lowered ominously. "I said he's just my son," he growled. "You got a problem with that?"

"Uh oh!" Duo murmured.

While Quatre and Heimdall glowered at each other, Thor hefted his hammer.

"Here now," Thor rumbled in a deep voice. "That's no way to address us gods. We're important people. Show proper respect." He waggled the hammer at Quatre.

"That little toy looks like it might be marginally useful in a fight," Heero drawled.

Thor lifted his hammer menacingly. "You dare to disparage the mighty Mjolnir? With this hammer, I can crush an ice giant in a single blow or split a mountain in two!"

Heero tipped his head to one side. "I suppose that's respectable."

"Respectable!" Thor spluttered. "I… I…" He stared around the room, as if hoping to find the words he needed hiding in a corner.

"Oh, behave yourselves!" Inga grated. She shoved a tankard of mead into Thor's hand. "Drink this." She shoved another tankard into Heero's hand. "Now don't you go upsetting Thor. If he drops that wretched hammer, it'll crack my nice floor."

Thor stared at her in astonishment. Heero shrugged and took a long drink of his mead. Thor blinked at him for a moment and then tipped his tankard up, draining it in one long pull. He was grinning when he finished.

"Well now!" Thor exclaimed. "That's a right sweet cup of mead, Mistress. I wouldn't say no to another."

"I figured you wouldn't." Inga brought him another tankard.

"Now that that's settled," Frey said brightly, "let's get back to the discussion at hand. How is it that two mere mortals, if indeed that's all you are, managed to break such a powerful spell?"

"A spell's just a spell," Quatre replied. He continued to watch Heimdall closely. "Once you get a feel for it, they're easy enough to break."

"Amazing! I think you should come back to Valhalla with us. Odin will want to hear about this." Frey glanced around the room and his eyes fell on Zechs for the first time. "In Odin's name, what creature of god-like beauty is this?" He floated across the room as if in a trance and leaned over until he was staring at Zechs from close range. "I swear you rival even myself as the epitome of masculine beauty. But yet what's this? You are with child!"

"What!" Thor and Heimdall exclaimed together.

"I kid you not!" Frey exclaimed. "I am certain he is a man, but here he sits with a child swelling his belly. I have never heard of such a thing!"

Inga, Horvald and the other Norsemen stared at Zechs in open-mouthed astonishment.

Zechs frowned. "Did you have to shout it to the whole room? I was trying to keep that to myself."

"Oh!" Frey bowed his head. "My apologies, beautiful one. But now I must insist that you come with us. Everyone will want to see this. But tell me, which fine gentleman put you in this condition? Is it this handsome fellow seated so gracefully on your right?"

"He is the baby's father, but…" Zechs began, but Frey clasped them each on the shoulder with a cry.

"Forsooth! We will return to Valhalla at once! What a haul we've netted!" He whirled around to face Heimdall and Thor. "Two powerful sorcerers and a pregnant man! No one will believe us unless we plant the truth right before their very eyes."

"You're right," Heimdall agreed. "And I have no doubt that Odin will want to meet them."

"Then it's settled!" Frey spun about lightly on one foot and clapped his hands. "Everyone get into the wagon. We're going to Valhalla!"

"Not us!" Inga said loudly. "We're just simple village folk." Horvald and the other Norsemen nodded furiously. "But let me pack a lunch for our guests to take so they don't get hungry on the way."

Frey bowed to her. "A wonderful idea, Mistress." He winked at Thor. "Perhaps you wouldn't mind rolling a few barrels of that wonderful mead into the wagon as well?" He tossed her a gold coin.

Inga snatched it out of the air as quick as a striking snake. "With pleasure, noble lord." She waved a hand at her husband and the others. "Get to work, you louts! Put four barrels into Thor's wagon and then come help me with the mutton roasts and bread."

With a great deal of bustling about and shouted instructions from Inga, the Gundam pilots' belongings were loaded into Thor's wagon, along with what seemed like three sheep's worth of roast mutton, several dozen loaves of bread, a crock of honey, two foaming pitchers of fresh goat milk and four barrels of mead.

Then the pilots themselves climbed into the wagon while Inga and the others watched.

Inga shook a finger at them. "Now don't you let those gods boss you about. They'll take advantage of you if you let them."

"Mistress, you wound me!" Frey exclaimed dramatically. "They are the guests of Valhalla. They will receive the finest rooms, food and drink we have to offer."

"Just see that they do."

Frey executed a graceful bow. "Good day to you all!" When he straightened up, he flung a double handful of gold coins into the melting snow.

With squeals of excitement, the Norsemen dove for the coins, but Inga still managed somehow to acquire most of them.

Frey took a seat on the wagon floor as Thor lashed the goats into motion. "Ah, the joys of simple people," Frey sighed. "I do like visiting among the mortals. But I think we will have to get her recipe for mead. I haven't seen Thor smile over a tankard like that in a long time."

"How long will it take to reach Valhalla?" Wu-Fei asked.

"Not long. We could get there by midday, but Thor likes to pamper his goats. We should be there by nightfall."

Roku stood up and peaked over the side. "Oh look! We're up in the air."

"Really?"

Everyone stood up and looked over the side.

"That's cool!" Duo said. "So will we stop somewhere for lunch or eat on the move?"

Heimdall stared at him. "You were eating breakfast when we arrived and you're already thinking about lunch?"

Duo grinned. "I'm always thinking about food. Unless I'm thinking about sex."

"What about shopping?" asked Trowa with a smirk.

"I can shop and think about food and sex at the same time." Duo plopped back down. "So, does either of you gods play dice, by any chance?"

"Duo!"

"I'm just asking!"

Frey grinned. "I'm not familiar with that game, but if it's a game of chance, I'd be glad to learn."

Heimdall lost a little of his perpetual scowl. "A game of chance? That might be interesting."

"Ok, this is how you play…" and Duo pulled the dice from his pocket.

"I'm going to sleep," Heero muttered.

"Me too," said Quatre.

Zechs leaned against Treize. "I feel nauseous again."

"Have some crackers," offered Roku.

"Thanks."

"Papa Duo, can I play too?"

"Of course."

"Now…" said Duo as he smiled at the two unsuspecting gods, "I noticed you have a few gold coins…"

When Thor decided later that it was time to stop for lunch, Frey was staring wistfully at the pile of coins in front of Duo. Heimdall was just glaring generally at everyone.

"That is a most interesting game, young Duo," Frey acknowledged. "I think I shall have to teach it to the heroes of Valhalla. It will give them something to do besides drink and fight."

"What's wrong with drinking and fighting?" Thor interrupted. "Let's open one of the barrels. I feel a powerful thirst."

"Great idea!" said Duo.

Thor yanked the top off the nearest barrel and plunged a tankard in. He handed it to Duo. "Bottom's up!"

"To drinking and fighting!" Duo toasted.

"Aye!" Thor roared. He filled another tankard and raised it in a toast. "To drinking and fighting!"

He and Duo drained their tankards.

"Hey!" Heero said. "Quit drinking all the mead! Pass those tankards around."

Thor chuckled. "Your pardon, sir." He began filling tankards and passing them out.

Roku filled a mug with goat milk and offered it to Zechs. "Would you like some milk, Mr. Zechs?"

Zechs accepted the mug with a smile. "Thank you, Roku."

"Papa Wu-Fei?"

"Yes, please."

Roku filled two more mugs and handed one to Wu-Fei.

As they munched on mutton and bread, Frey chattered at them cheerfully.

"So tell me, friends, from whence do you hail? Your manner of speech and dress implies that you are not from these parts." He winked at Zechs. "And a pregnant man, I warrant, is unusual in all parts of the world."

Quatre shifted uncomfortably. "It's true that we're travelers from afar," he said. "It's a little difficult to explain."

"Then don't explain!" Thor rumbled. "Long explanations make my head ache. And besides, too much complicated talk interferes with proper digestion. Tales of great battles make better dinner conversation. There's nothing like talk of bloodshed and mayhem to settle the meat properly into your stomach."

To demonstrate, he proceeded to regale them with a story of a great battle he fought with a band of gallant human heroes against thousands of fire-spitting demons from the underworld. He included graphic descriptions of head-splittings, arm-loppings, torchings, and other bloody mutilations that left everyone but Heero and Treize looking rather sick.

"All of those heroes now sit in Valhalla in everlasting glory, blessed to relive the greatest battles along with the thousands of valiant dead from other great battles." Thor concluded his tale by striking a dramatic pose.

Zechs promptly threw up over the side of the wagon.

Heero frowned. "Wait a minute. Are you saying everyone was killed?"

"Yes! Isn't that glorious?"

"What's glorious about getting killed? Isn't it better if you stay alive and your enemy ends up dead?"

Thor scratched his head in puzzlement. "But then your enemy would end up in Valhalla and you'd be stuck in Midgard until you died of old age. Where's the glory in that?"

"I can see we have a fundamentally different view of the afterlife," Treize said. "Although admittedly, I'm the only one who came close to experiencing our version." He patted Zechs on the back. "Are you going to be all right?"

"Not if Thor tells another story. Roku, do you have any more crackers?"

"Sure." Roku tossed Zechs another bag of crackers.

Heimdall stared suspiciously. "Where did you get that? I swear you just pulled that packet out of thin air."

Roku blinked innocently. "I got it from my storage place. Do you want some?"

Heimdall leaned around Roku and looked in back of him. Then he lifted up first Roku's right arm and then his left. Finally, he patted Roku's sides. "You're not carrying anything."

"Not in my pockets, anyway," Roku agreed.

"So from where do you keep producing these packets of biscuits?" Heimdall demanded a little plaintively.

"I told you: from my storage place." Roku produced another bag of crackers. "See?"

"Agh!" Heimdall cried. "You did pull it out of thin air!"

"Not really. I don't think there is air in my storage space. Although…" Roku's face grew thoughtful. "When I put live things in there, they don't die, so I suppose… But then again, they could just be in stasis, in which case they don't need air… Hmm… Maybe Mama better explain."

"NO!" Thor was holding his head. "No explanations or I shall be hanging over the side like our expectant friend!" He groaned. "Heimdall, just accept it, as we accept that Loki is both our brother and a lying bastard."

Frey's eyes were sparkling. "Anon! I think our young friend must be a god, or at least the child of one, to have such fascinating powers. What a delightful, unexpected surprise!"

"I told you," Quatre said firmly, "Roku is my son and he was not fathered by any gods, just those four oversexed maniacs over there."

Frey's eyes grew round. "You bore the child yourself? Just like our gorgeous friend here? I am all agog, I must tell you. I have fancied myself a student of nature, but I see I have barely scraped the surface of what is possible. I beg you, sir, when we are out of Thor's hearing, that you acquaint me in detail with the whole exciting process, for I daresay this must be one of the greatest tales of the age."

Quatre shifted uncomfortably. "It's really not all that interesting."

"Sure it is!" Duo piped up. He grinned broadly at Quatre. "Maybe you could even demonstrate. Frey might find it interesting to be a woman."

Frey clasped his hands together and looked from Duo to Quatre with a wide smile. "I may not be the bruising fighter that Thor is, but I am no less thrilled by the thought of a new adventure."

"I'll think about it," Quatre mumbled. He glared at Duo.

"I will accept that as a promise, Master Sorcerer!" Frey cried. He smacked Thor on the back of the head. "Thor, you great lout, get those animals moving. I am more eager than ever now to return to Valhalla. Knowledge and adventure await!"

"You jerk, Duo!" Quatre whispered angrily. "What did you tell him that for?"

"Oh come on, Quatre. They're gods. How much harm can you do them?"

"He has a point," Trowa said. "Anyway, Valhalla sounds like fun. Supposedly, anyone who dies valiantly in battle spends eternity there, waiting to fight in the final battle at the end of the world. During the day, they fight great battles as practice. At sunset, everyone is restored and they spend the night feasting and drinking. I suspect there's a fair bit of naughtiness going on as well. Women who died fighting could end up there too. And then there are the Valkyries. They're supposed to be pretty hot. They're the ones who bring the heroes to Valhalla."

"You are well educated, sir," Frey said.

"Thank you."

"Your depiction is not too far off the mark. In fact, the nightly feasting in the great hall can get quite rowdy. A fair maiden or pretty lad seldom makes it through the night unloved."

"This definitely sounds like my kind of place," Duo said eagerly. "Eating, drinking and sex: the three mainstays of life."

"Throw in fighting and you speak as my soul mate," Thor rumbled loudly as he climbed back into the driver's seat. "Get up there, you lazy beasts! To Valhalla!"


	4. Valhalla

Chapter 4: **Valhalla**

Thor's mighty wagon rolled through lush green valleys past clear, swift-flowing streams and stands of spruce and cottonwood trees.

Frey waved a hand at the panorama. "Behold the realm of the gods!" he cried. "Have your eyes ever beheld such beauty?"

"It's really pretty," Roku said. Everyone was standing up and leaning against the sides of the wagon to look. "Mama, may I be a tiger when we stop? I want to play in the grass. It's really tall."

"Of course, dear."

Frey threw his head back and laughed delightedly at this exchange. "Our young sorcerer can shape change?" he exclaimed happily. "I must see this for myself. Pray do not make me wait, for here is the mighty hall of Valhalla; our destination." He pointed dramatically ahead of them as the wagon crested a rise.

Built on a rise in the middle of a wide valley was a mighty wooden structure some four hundred meter long, two hundred meters wide and perhaps thirty meters tall. Light from the setting sun glittered on golden finials along the roof and cast the intricately carved walls into sharp relief. The vast front doors of the hall stood open and hundreds of people were streaming across the valley floor and winding up the hill into the hall. Many of the people in the throng were being helped along by others and quite a few more were tossed casually over shoulders, their limbs dangling limply.

"Look!" Thor cried. "The heroes of Valhalla are returning from battle. It looks like they had a good day. There are many dead."

"That is just wrong," Duo muttered.

"Watch," Thor continued. "As they step over the threshold, the dead and wounded will be restored by the power of Odin."

And indeed, just as Thor said, as the warriors entered the mighty hall, the wounded stood tall and the dead were set on their feet. The restored warriors were clapped on their backs by their fellows amid good-natured teasing.

"Now that's a pretty neat trick," Duo acknowledged.

"What's that building over there?" Trowa pointed across the valley at a smaller structure nestled in a stand of trees.

"That is the home I share with my lovely sister, Freya," Frey said proudly. "If you look about the valley, you will see the homes of the other gods. Only the heroes live in the great hall. It is my plan that you shall all be my honored guests and share the hospitality of my home."

"We are honored," Treize said.

"Yeah, totally honored," Duo put in, "but if you don't mind, I'd rather stay in the great hall with the heroes. Just to show my respect, you understand."

Frey chuckled. "Of course. Thor himself stays there more often than not. But to honor my promise to the innkeeper's wife, I shall officially make you Thor's guest. He has a very fine home just beyond the great hall which he seldom uses."

"I think I'll be Thor's guest, too," Heero remarked. "I wouldn't mind meeting these heroes who think it's glorious to get slaughtered in battle."

"What about you, Fei?" Duo asked. "Do you want to stay in the great hall too?"

"I think not," Wu-Fei replied. "Rolling on the floor with a bunch of drunken and undoubtedly smelly men in unwashed woolens doesn't sound terribly appealing."

"You're so fastidious."

"I have a delicate nose," and Wu-Fei sneezed delicately. A puff of smoke wafted from his mouth.

"Uh-oh," said Duo.

"It's nothing," Wu-Fei said quickly. He rubbed his nose.

"Did smoke just come out of your mouth?" Heimdall asked suspiciously.

"Of course not!" Wu-Fei lied instantly. He sneezed again and a little jet of flame shot out and singed the end of Heimdall's nose.

Heimdall stared. "And I suppose you did not just try to set fire to my face?"

Wu-Fei offered him a sickly grin. "Please accept my apologies."

Frey's eyes were round. "Pray tell me, are you part dragon, or perhaps the descendent of fire-demons? I have heard of such cross-breeds but have seen only the off-spring of Loki, who are not in truth true cross-breeds."

"No, I'm not part dragon," Wu-Fei replied crossly. "I just have a few… traits."

"Like breathing fire," Heimdall stated flatly.

"Sort of."

"The scorch mark on my nose would imply a more definite answer."

Wu-Fei frowned.

"Oh, give up, Fei!" Duo said with a laugh. "It's bound to come out anyway. You breathe fire and have dragon scales. It's nothing to be ashamed of."

"I'm not ashamed!"

"Then quit hiding it."

"Hmph!"

Roku chose that particular moment to slip into his tiger form.

"Agh!" Heimdall cried.

"Oh my!" Frey exclaimed.

"Meet us at the front door, sweetie."

"Ok!" And Roku leaped over the side and dashed away into the tall grass, where he immediately disappeared.

"Does he do that often?" Frey asked excitedly.

"Roku was born a tiger, so he prefers that shape." Quatre held up a hand before Frey could demand more information. "It requires an explanation. We can talk about it later."

Frey nodded eagerly. "In truth, Freya and I have room enough to host all of you. We will have many days in which to discuss your fascinating history and talents." His eyes glittered and he grinned at Zechs. "And I can also come to a fuller acquaintance with this beautiful gentleman."

Treize frowned slightly.

Heimdall cleared his throat. "Perhaps Wu-Fei would be interested in accepting my hospitality. I am curious about his, ah, traits. I would like to learn more."

"Do you have something other than mead to drink at your house?" Wu-Fei asked.

"Water."

"Do you eat anything besides half-cooked mutton?"

"I prefer bread and honey. I also like crabapples and nuts."

Wu-Fei smiled. "I would be happy to stay at your home, Heimdall."

"Geez!" Duo muttered.

"Ho, there! Get out of the way!" Thor shouted. He cracked his whip as the wagon moved into the throng of heroes making their way toward the great hall.

"Welcome home, Thor!" a big man with a curly blond beard cried. "You missed a good one today. We slaughtered thousands!"

"So I see," Thor rumbled. "Well done! You can fill me in on the details over dinner and the feast will taste even better tonight."

"Aye!" There was a chorus of cheers from all those within earshot.

Thor pulled up beside the wide doors and stopped. "Everybody out! We're just in time for the feast. I'll have the goats pull the wagon over to Frey's house and we can unload your belongings in the morning." He hopped down and stepped around in front of the goats. He lifted up one big ear of each animal and whispered into them while the others hopped down from the wagon.

Quatre looked around. "Roku! It's time to go in!"

A moment later, the young tiger appeared out of the tall grass and came bounding up to him.

"It's so pretty, Mama, and the water tastes really good!"

Quatre patted him on the head. "I'm glad you like it, sweetie."

"Do I have to change back?"

"No, you're fine like that."

The heroes streaming in through the doors slowed down to stare in fascination at the big striped cat.

"Come in, friends, come in!" Thor thundered. "Behold the hospitality of the mighty Odin, Father of All!"

The Gundam pilots looked at each other for a moment and then followed Thor, Frey and Heimdall into the great hall of Odin, the mighty Valhalla. Inside, the hall was a single vast room. The rear quarter of the hall was devoted to vast fire pits for roasting meat and ovens for baking bread. Down the center of the hall were several large raised fireplaces where enormous piles of wood burned. To either side of the fireplaces were tables and benches were the heroes were already sitting down to platters of meat and bread. Wool blankets and furs were piled in jumbles against the walls. Along the back wall, stacks of barrels rose so high that ladders were needed to reach the top row. The smoke from all the fires rose up to the ceiling and formed a thick cloud, where it slowly escaped through smoke holes high in the walls.

"Wow!" said Duo.

"Yeah," the others agreed.

Thor led them toward the center of the hall and then made his way to the right hand side, where a raised platform was set against the wall. A single long table s stood on the platform, with chairs along the far side instead of benches.

A man with long gray hair and a long gray beard was seated in the centermost chair. He had dark, pupil-less eyes and he studied the newcomers with an intent gaze, a tankard of mead in one hand.

Thor stopped in front of the man and inclined his head. "Mighty Odin, we bring guests to Valhalla."

"So I see," Odin said. His voice resonated deeply. He leaned forward. "These are strange guests, I sense. I look forward to making their fuller acquaintance." His eyes fell on Roku. "This is a strange beast and I sense great power. This is not some new off-spring of Loki, is it?"

"That is no child of mine," said a short, slightly built man as he stepped up onto the platform. His black eyes, like Odin's, had no pupils and he had straight black hair.

Quatre stepped forward. "He is my son, Mighty Odin."

"Is he?" Odin studied Quatre with great interest. "Why don't you come sit beside me and tell me about his mother?"

Quatre shifted uncomfortably. "I am his mother."

Odin's gaze became even more intense. "Truly? Then I insist you come sit beside me. I wish to learn more."

Frey leaned over and whispered to Quatre, "You better do it. Odin gets really testy when people don't obey him. Never fear; I shall sit beside you also and make sure he keeps his hands to himself."

Quatre stared in alarm and Trowa frowned. He unhooked the staff from across his chest and dropped it on the floor.

"Why don't you slither up their and keep an eye on Quatre for me?" he muttered.

"As you command," the snake hissed and it slithered away.

Only Heimdall appeared to notice this and he stared in alarm. "I thought that was just a rope you were carrying."

"It's sort of magical," Trowa said quietly. "Let's keep this between us, all right? I don't trust Odin."

Heimdall smirked. "That's probably wise. Come; let's sit before the heroes eat all the food."

Thor, Frey and Quatre sat at the high table with Odin and Heimdall sat with the others at a table nearby. Other gods came in as they ate and took seats at the high table, including one extremely beautiful woman whose long blond hair and deep blue eyes immediately proclaimed her to be Frey's sister Freya.

"That must be Freya," Wu-Fei said. "She's quite beautiful."

"Indeed she is." Heimdall stared at Freya with a dreamy expression. "She is the very epitome of female beauty and the embodiment of love and desire." He continued to stare at her until he noticed everyone was staring at him with amusement. He blushed. "Well, you will find many here who share that opinion," he said quickly.

"Undoubtedly," Heero said dryly.

"Oh, here come the Valkyries," Heimdall said, changing the subject.

The Valkyries swooped into the hall on the backs of giant eagles holding golden spears high above their heads. They shrieked war cries as they circled above the heroes' heads in intricate formations and then leaped to the floor into dramatic battle poses, their spears at the ready. The eagles flew out of the hall and the mighty doors slowly swung shut behind them.

Heimdall shook his head with a grimace. "They can never just walk in. They always have to make an entrance."

"The warriors seem to like it." Treize said.

The heroes were on their feet, shouting answering war cries and pounding the tables with their fists. After a long pause to absorb the appreciation of their audience, the Valkyries broke their poses and took seats. They proceeded to tear into the meat and pound down the mead with as much enthusiasm as the men.

"How ladylike," Zechs murmured.

"They are warriors," Treize pointed out. "Look at the breastplates they're wearing."

"And they really are breast plates!" Duo remarked. "They even have nipples on them."

"That's to make sure you can distinguish them from the men wearing breastplates," Zechs said cattily.

:Now, now, my love," Treize murmured soothingly. "Are you getting tired?"

"Yes." Zechs leaned against Treize. "I feel huge."

"But you're still beautiful."

"Oh geez!" Duo muttered. "They're starting again."

"Be nice, Duo," Wu-Fei said.

"Does it look to you like Quatre's muttering?" Heero interrupted.

"Yeah," Trowa said, "but I can't tell if it's Latin from here."

"That's not good," Treize said. "Is Odin taking liberties?"

"He better not!" Trowa glared.

"I don't think Mama's transformation spell would work on Odin," said Roku. He had a haunch of mutton pinned down between his front paws and was happily tearing it to shreds. His face and whiskers was liberally smeared with mutton grease and bread crumbs.

"Maybe not," growled Trowa, "but a swift kick in the ass should have an affect."

Trowa's staff appeared and put its head on Trowa's knee. "Would you like me to bite the hand with which he's currently fondling your beloved's thigh?" it hissed.

"Sonuvabitch!" Trowa snarled and he started to rise.

Duo grabbed his arm and yanked him back down. "I'll take care of it." He hopped up onto the table and raised his tankard. "A toast to the Lords of Valhalla!" he cried.

"To the Lords of Valhalla!" roared the heroes on every side. The toast was echoed to the far side of the hall and tankards were thrust into the air.

Everyone emptied their tankards and the servants rushed about with pitchers, refilling them.

Duo raised his tankard again. "To the unparalleled beauty of the Lady Freya!"

"To Freya!" Again tankards were emptied and refilled.

"To the shining valor of the Valkyries!"

"To the Valkyries!"

"If I drink another toast, I'll die!" Heimdall groaned.

"To the heroes of Valhalla!" Duo raised two tankards and began drinking from both simultaneously, which earned him roars of approval.

"To the heroes of Valhalla!" Dozens of men attempted to match Duo's feat with varying degrees of success. Several just ended up pouring the mead down their chests. Quite a few were starting to look glassy-eyed.

Duo raised his tankard again. "I am honored to be standing in the hall of the Mighty Odin!" He saluted Odin with his tankard. "I drink to Odin!" And he emptied his tankard again.

"To Odin!" came the answering cry, but the heroes were clearly starting to fall off the pace.

Odin, who had been participating in every toast, stared at Duo. "You honor me, young man. But it would seem you have reached the end of your toasts."

"But Mighty Odin, there is so much more that deserves my humble respect!" Duo lifted his refilled tankard. Several servants clutching pitchers of mead were now gathered around his table. "To the invincible Thor and his mighty Mjolnir!"

"Aye!" Thor pounded the table and surged to his feet. "To Mjolnir!"

"To Thor and Mjolnir!" A number of heroes slipped unconscious under their tables or toppled off their benches.

"To valiant death in battle!"

"To valiant death!"

"To glorious victory in the final battle!"

"To glorious victory!"

"He's trying to kill us!" wheezed Heimdall. He slumped against Wu-Fei. "Make him stop!"

"To the grace and charm of Freya!"

"To Freya!"

"What a minute!" Odin exclaimed. "You already did that one!"

Duo winked at Freya. "But the lady is so incomparably beautiful, she deserves more than one toast."

Freya blushed prettily. "Oh sir!" she exclaimed in a musical voice.

"To Freya!" Duo cried again and he drained his tankard.

Odin stared uncertainly into his tankard. The honey-yellow mead stared back at him.

"Duo is just a mortal man." Quatre grinned viciously. "Maybe if you stopped feeling me up and used both hands to hold your tankard, you could keep up with him."

Odin glared at Quatre. "You are a wizard; perhaps you are aiding him."

"Duo needs no man's help when he drinks," Quatre said. "Are you going to just stare at that mead or drink it?"

Odin glared around the hall. Everyone who was still conscious was staring back at him. He stood up and raised his tankard. "I am Odin! I drink to myself!" He tipped up his tankard and started drinking. He slammed the empty tankard down onto the table and glared at Duo with bleary eyes. "No man out-drinks me in my own hall!"

"Well said, Mighty Odin!" Duo cried. "I'll drink to that!" And he drained another tankard.

Odin's mouth fell open. A helpful servant with a gleam in his eye refilled Odin's tankard. Odin stared at it with a look close to horror.

"He's got one up on you, Odin," Quatre pointed out maliciously.

Odin reached for the tankard and lifted it to his mouth. He tilted his head back as he drank it and slowly his whole body started to tip back. He kept tipping until, like a stately tree, he fell over backwards into the wall and slumped to the floor. A single soft snore escaped him.

"That's amazing!" Frey exclaimed. "I've never seen anyone drink Odin under the table before!"

"That's just because you never met Duo before," Quatre remarked. "I think it's time to retire for the evening. I've had enough of getting groped by strange men." They stepped down from the platform and joined the others. Quatre stared at Roku in dismay. "Frey, please tell me you have a bathtub at your house."

"Of course."

"Good. Roku is going to need it."

Roku licked his whiskers. "The food is really good here."

"So I see."

Frey chuckled. "Heimdall's looking a little green. Perhaps you should all come home with me and Freya tonight. You can meet the other gods tomorrow."

"That sounds like a good idea."

Frey and Freya led the way out of the hall, picking their way around and over snoring men and women. Trowa put a proprietary arm around Quatre's shoulders as they followed, and Heero and Wu-Fei each put a shoulder under Heimdall's arms to help him walk. Roku padded along behind them next to Duo and Zechs and Treize brought up the rear.

"This was fun," Roku said. "Are you going to drink everybody under the table tomorrow night, Papa Duo?"

"Nah. If everyone passes out again, we won't get to the gambling and sex."


	5. A Typical Day

Chapter 5: **A Typical Day**

Roku was up before dawn, exploring. He returned to Frey's house covered in dew and streaked with grass stains. There was also a suspiciously reddish stain on the fur around his muzzle.

Quatre regarded him with a stern expression. "What have you been up to, young man?"

"There are rabbits!"

Quatre put a hand over his face. "How many did you eat?"

"Just a few." Roku licked his whiskers. "But they run really fast, so they were hard to catch and sometimes they would hide in holes and then I would look for another one to chase instead of digging them out so I wouldn't get my paws dirty, and I saw some deer too and I think I'm almost big enough to catch one without being a dragon." He plopped down on his butt. "When's breakfast?"

Quatre sighed. "I don't know. Whenever Frey gets up, I guess."

"And I am up!" Frey announced with a dramatic flourish as he swept grandly into the large hall. He clapped his hands. "Breakfast for everyone!"

Frey's house consisted of a large central hall with a kitchen in a separate room in back accessed through two large archways. There were smaller private lounges on either side of the main hall, some with enclosed gardens which were open to the sky. Covered walkways led from the central hall past flower-covered trellises and vine-covered arbors to several smaller cottages containing comfortable sleeping quarters.

At Frey's clap, several servants appeared from the kitchen carrying platters and bowls of food.

"Sit down! Sit down!" Frey cried. "There's no need to wait for the others. Anyone who wants to join the heroes in combat will need to make an early start."

"That would be me," said Heero, who entered the hall just then trailed by a yawning Duo and a frowning Wu-Fei.

"What's the matter, Fei?" Trowa asked. He had not strayed far from Quatre's side since the night before.

"I itch," Wu-Fei growled darkly.

"That's a bummer."

"Do you want your oil, Papa Wu-Fei?"

"Yes, thank you."

Roku shimmered into human form so he could hand Wu-Fei his oil.

Frey giggled delightedly. "That is such an amazing thing to witness! I have disguised myself as many things over the centuries, but I have never truly shape-changed. Incredible!"

Freya entered the hall at that moment, looking even more beautiful than she had the night before.

Frey greeted her with a kiss on the cheek. "Good morning, dear sister."

"Good morning, brother." She favored their guests with a stunning smile. "Good morning to you all. I hope you slept well. I fear we were not properly introduced last night, although this kind gentleman," and she bowed to Duo, "favored me with such kind words that I will not soon forget." She beamed at him and held out a slender hand.

Duo took her hand and kissed it. "I spoke nothing but the truth, fair lady." His eyes were twinkling.

"Geez!" Wu-Fei muttered. "He's been listening to Zechs too much."

"Are you talking about me?" questioned that very gentleman. Zechs entered the room with Treize and lifted an eyebrow at Wu-Fei.

"Nothing." Wu-Fei scratched his back. "Duo, do you mind putting a little oil on my back before you eat? I'm really uncomfortable."

"Sure. Take your shirt off."

Wu-Fei stripped off his shirt as Duo poured oil into the palm of one hand. He smeared a liberal amount on Wu-Fei's scales.

Wu-Fei let out a long sigh. "Oh, that's much better!"

Freya stepped close and leaned over to examine Wu-Fei's scales. "How beautiful!" she exclaimed. "Look at the colors! I've never seen anything so exquisite." She pressed gentle fingers against the scales. "They're so soft! Like skin! What a beautiful decoration!"

"See, Fei, I told you!" Duo said. "You could totally be getting lucky all the time if you flaunted your scales in front of the ladies."

"Dear sister," Frey said, "there are many new and wonderful things we can learn from our guests. That is only the beginning. For example, feast your eyes on this beautiful gentleman here." He rested a hand on Zechs shoulder, earning him a sharp glare from Treize. "This gentleman is expecting a child."

Freya turned to stare at Zechs. "What's that? Expecting?" Freya marched over to Zechs and put a hand on his stomach. Her eyes went round. "How can you be having a baby! This is so unfair! I have tried for centuries to become pregnant and now even a man has achieved what I cannot!" She glared sharply at Zechs. "What god was it that did this to you?"

"No gods were involved," Zechs said uncomfortably. His eyes flicked quickly to Quatre and he moved closer to Treize. "My lover and I had once discussed the possibility of becoming parents…"

Freya looked at Treize. "This man is your lover?"

"Yes…"

"This man is the father of your child?"

"Yes but…"

Freya fixed Treize with a sweetly seductive smile. "Dear sir, perhaps you will have a moment later to… discuss with me how you achieved this amazing feat."

Zechs frowned.

"Conversation is not what's she's after," Duo muttered to Wu-Fei. "Maybe a demonstration."

"You can hear what she's thinking?"

"Not really. The gods' thoughts make a lot of noise, but I can't really understand them. But it doesn't take a rocket scientist to guess what she's thinking."

"That's true."

"I'm done," Heero announced. "I'm going over to the great hall to meet up with the heroes. You coming, Wu-Fei?"

"Yeah, I have a little excess energy I want to work off."

"Don't get killed," Quatre said quickly. "Since you haven't died before like the heroes, dying now might get you stuck here."

Heero looked insulted. "Who do you think you're talking too?"

"Sorry!"

He left the hall grumbling to himself. Wu-Fei chuckled as he followed him out.

Roku slipped back into tiger form. "Mama, may I go watch the fighting? I promise not to get in the way."

Quatre looked worried, but he nodded. "All right, but be careful."

"I will!" Roku dashed out to catch up with Heero and Wu-Fei.

Trowa smiled. "You're starting to let go a little, Quatre. I'm proud of you."

Heimdall shuffled in looking significantly hung-over.

"Good morning, my friend!" Frey greeted him cheerfully. "Did you sleep well?"

Heimdall rubbed his eyes. "How can you all be up already? And so damned cheerful? My head feels like it's splitting in two."

"You never could hold your liquor!" Frey agreed brightly. "Come, have a bite to eat. It will settle your stomach."

"Thanks, but I think I'll go home and take a bath." He looked around. "Did Wu-Fei leave already? He said he might visit me."

"He went to fight with the heroes," Duo said. "But I've got nothing to do. I'll come over and teach you to play poker."

"Don't bet your house, Heimdall," Trowa said dryly.

"And don't let him talk you into strip poker," Quatre added.

"What's strip poker?" Heimdall asked.

Duo grinned broadly. "I'll teach you. Let's go!" He grabbed Heimdall's arm and dragged him out of the house.

Trowa shook his head. "So much for Heimdall's innocence. Now his head and his butt will hurt."

Frey looked from one to the other in confusion.

"Never mind," said Trowa. "Let's finish eating. I think I'd like to look around the valley a little bit and see the animals before Roku eats them all."

"I would be happy to show you around," said Frey, "but Quatre did promise me several explanations about his magical powers."

"Uh, right." Quatre managed a sickly grin.

Freya was still hovering close to Treize and Zechs. "Pray tell me, when is your child due?"

"I'm not sure," Zechs replied "A few months, perhaps?"

"Indeed?" Freya studied Zechs closely. "You are very handsome; as handsome as my dear brother. It is no wonder this handsome gentleman finds you irresistible." She turned to Treize. "But has not a woman ever drawn your eye?" She blinked at him innocently.

"In my youth I might have dallied with a woman once or twice," Treize replied carefully. Zechs frowned. "But it's been a long time." He put his arm around Zechs. "This is the only person whose companionship I desire now."

"How unfortunate," Freya murmured. But she continued to bat her eyes at him seductively.

Zechs glared at her.

Treize looked at Frey. "Maybe we should all go for a walk together."

"A wonderful idea!" Frey agreed.

The entire party strolled out into the magnificent morning sunshine, leaving the servants to straighten up.

"I was wondering," said Trowa. "There are a lot of servants in Valhalla. Who are they?"

"They are persons who were killed in battle who were not warriors. Odin decided it was unfair for innocent persons inadvertently caught up in combat and slaughtered to wander eternity in torment, so they are brought here to serve the gods instead."

"So where does the food and mead come from?"

"It is grown by other such persons on farms outside the valley." Frey grinned. "In truth, Valhalla is not too different from Midgard, except the weather is better and one must usually die first to get here."

"I'm glad we skipped that part," Trowa said.

They strolled through the beautiful green pastures and across the clear swift-flowing streams. Trowa's staff stirred restlessly.

"Master," the staff hissed. "This place calls out to my spirit. May I answer?"

"Sure." Trowa lifted the staff from around his shoulder and dropped it on the ground. It slithered away happily.

"That creature is a forest spirit!" Frey exclaimed delightedly. "However did you come by it?"

"I got it from some people who worshipped forest spirits."

"Wonderful! Just wonderful!"

"I need to rest for a moment," Zechs said. "This extra weight tires me."

"Sit here," Treize said, guiding Zechs to a fallen tree. Zechs took a seat and Treize sat next to him. Freya immediately sat down on Treize's other side and looped her arm through his.

"Do you hear that?" Frey said suddenly. "The heroes have begun today's battle."

In the distance, the clash of arms and the roar of battle cries could be heard.

"I hope Heero and Wu-Fei are careful," Quatre said worriedly.

"I just hope they leave enough people alive to carry back the dead and wounded," Trowa remarked. He looked up into a tree and chirped something at a squirrel that was clinging to the trunk. The squirrel chattered back at him excitedly and then scampered farther up the tree out of sight. Trowa chuckled. "Apparently, Roku made an impression. That squirrel says he's never leaving the tree again because of the striped terror that was chasing the rabbits this morning."

"You can talk to animals?" Freya asked. "I thought only the gods could do that." She snuggled a little closer to Treize.

"I was given the ability to speak to animals as a gift," Trowa said.

"That is a mighty gift," Freya said. She leaned her head on Treize's shoulder. "If only some kind person could give me a gift of similar magnitude."

Zechs stood up abruptly. "I'm rested now," he snapped. He stomped away and Frey hurried after him.

"Now don't overexert yourself, lovely Zechs!" Frey exclaimed. "These paths sometimes have stones and we wouldn't want you to turn an ankle or fall." He put his arm through Zechs'. "Let me be your guide."

Treize glowered at Frey's back as he followed them with Freya still clinging to his arm.

"There looks to be trouble in paradise for our handsome friends," Trowa commented.

"Beauty is a curse," Quatre agreed.

"Yes it is," Trowa frowned suddenly. "And you better watch yourself around Odin. I don't trust him."

"Don't worry." Quatre grinned at him. "I'll make sure he keeps his hands to himself."

"Roku said he didn't think your transformation spell would work on Odin."

"Really? Maybe I'll just set his clothes on fire, then."

Trowa put an arm around him. "That's the kind of talk I like to hear."

"Oh yeah? You're always telling me not to use magic on people."

"I can make exceptions now and then."

When they returned to the house from their walk, Zechs immediately went to the room he was sharing with Treize to lie down. Treize disentangled himself from Freya so he could go with him.

"You seem to like Freya's company," Zechs pouted. "She's not fat."

"Zechs!" Treize groaned. "You're not fat either! You're just pregnant. Once you have the baby, you'll get your figure back."

"How do you know that? I might stay fat like this." He put his hands on the little round bulge in his tummy. "You won't want me anymore. You'll want some tall pretty blond woman with a flat tummy and big tits."

"I already _have_ a tall pretty blond!" Treize said through gritted teeth. "You! Now would you please stop this nonsense? You're not fat and I only want you." He put his arms around Zechs and kissed him. "We're having a baby together. We're going to be a family. You're stuck with me forever, so quit being silly."

"Do you mean that?"

"Yes!"

Zechs snuggled close. "Ok, I'll try not to be jealous. But if she keeps trying to get into your pants, I'm going to rip out her hair."

Treize rolled his eyes and sighed.

In the main hall, Freya pouted while Frey grilled Quatre about his abilities.

"You promised to explain how you gave birth to a tiger with the help of four fathers," Frey said eagerly. "Please spare no details. I want to hear everything."

Freya sat up straight. "What?" she cried. She pointed an accusing finger at Quatre. "He had a baby too? Another man gave birth while I sit here still barren?" She jumped to her feet. "I'm taking this up with Odin! I am a goddess! I deserve better!" She stormed out of the house.

Frey shook his head. "Ignore her! She's been insufferable since the Valkyrie Brunhilde had a son a century or so ago." He leaned forward and rubbed his hands together. "Now, give me your story. We have the whole afternoon."

Quatre cleared his throat uncomfortably. "Well, you see…" he began.

Over on the battlefield, Heero and Wu-Fei were having a great time. The heroes had divided themselves up, more or less at random, into two more or less equal sides and had picked a front that ranged along between a series of low hills. The two groups had then retreated to their own sides of the battlefield to plan an assault strategy. After about an hour of preparation, battle was joined. The fighting lasted well into the afternoon, with the side that Heero and Wu-Fei were fighting on emerging victorious by virtue of having killed two thirds of the men on the other side. The survivors on both sides congratulated each other with hearty slaps on the back and shouts of "Good fight!" Then it was time to gather up the dead and wounded and return to Odin's hall.

"Ho there, youngster!" a burly man shouted at Heero. "Grab that head there, would you? I've got the rest of Siggurd here and he'll be wanting that."

"It's not as though he used it well today!" someone else shouted and raucous laughter followed.

Heero picked up the indicated head, still dripping blood and gore from the severed neck, and tucked it under one arm. The heroes exchanged stories about the battle and made jokes about the unfortunate dead as they returned to the great hall. Those among the wounded who could talk participated just as boisterously, making no excuses for their injuries. As they crossed the threshold into the great hall, the previously dead Siggurd was set on his feet, where he stood waving his hands about searchingly.

"He wants his head," someone said to Heero, so Heero stepped over and shoved the head into Siggurd's hands. Siggurd promptly jammed the head onto his neck, where the separation quickly knit closed. Siggurd rolled his head about as if checking the fit and then his eyes fell on Heero.

"And here he stands, just as I last saw him!" Siggurd cried. "The very fellow who ended the day for me!" He clapped Heero soundly on the back. "Good man! Let's lift a tankard together!" He turned to the nearest heroes with his arm draped proudly around Heero's shoulders. "No one ever lopped my head off so quick and clean before, I'll tell you. This fellow is a genius with a sword. Next training day, we must have him show us his technique. I warrant we have a thing or two to learn from him."

"Training day?" Heero questioned.

"Aye," said Siggurd. "We have battles for four days, rest for a day and then have a day of training. This is mostly so newcomers to Valhalla can learn from those of us who've been here awhile."

"Or so we can learn new techniques they've developed in Midgard," added another.

Heero nodded. "Sounds good. When is it?"

"Tomorrow's rest day, so it's the day after."

"Come now, let's go drink!" Siggurd cried. "We'll lift a toast to our new friend."

Shouts of agreement echoed from the walls as the heroes headed for the tables and the waiting tankards of mead.

Sitting at the table where they'd sat the night before, the rest of the Gundam pilots, except for Duo, who was not there yet, saw Heero and Wu-Fei arrive.

"Oh good," said Quatre, "They're all right."

"You knew they would be."

"Where's Roku?"

"I'm right here, Mama." A small hawk swooped in for a landing on the bench beside Quatre and turned into Roku in tiger form. "Can I have a bowl of goat milk, please? I'm thirsty." A servant appeared a moment later with a bowl of milk for him. Roku lapped it up hungrily.

"Have you been a bird all day, sweetie?"

"Yeah. I thought that was the best way to stay out from under foot and I could get a better view."

"Good thinking." Quatre patted him on the head.

Roku finished his milk and a servant tossed him a haunch of mutton. Roku snatched it out of the air with claws and teeth and tore into savagely.

"He acts more like a tiger every day," Trowa remarked.

"Only when he looks like one," Quatre replied.

"Where do you suppose Duo is?"

"Good question. Oh, wait, there he is." Quatre pointed toward the distant entrance, where Duo could now be seen trotting toward them, trailed by a tired-looking Heimdall.

"Hey guys!" Duo exclaimed when he reached them. He snatched up the nearest tankard of mead and emptied it down his throat in one long gulp. "Man, I needed that!" He wiped his mouth on his sleeve. "Heimdall's got nothing but water to drink at his house." He plopped down on the bench and grabbed a thick lamb chop. "And no meat either!"

Heimdall sat down gingerly beside Treize.

Quatre lifted an eyebrow at him. "You're not going to sit with the gods today? I'm not taking up a seat at the high table tonight."

"That's all right," Heimdall said. "I don't want to have to explain why I can barely move."

"I told you not to play strip poker with Duo."

Heimdall turned scarlet. "I had no idea he would…do… that… when all my clothes were off."

"Duo!" Quatre groaned.

"He's got a cute butt!" Duo giggled around a mouthful of food. "I just couldn't restrain myself."

Heimdall got even redder.

"An unrestrained Duo," Trowa said almost reverently. "I'm surprised you can even walk, much less sit and move about, Heimdall."

"Hey, it's not like it was with the blind duke's daughters or anything," Duo said. "I kept it down to a reasonable number of times."

Quatre put a hand over his face. "Reasonable for Duo…" he moaned. "Poor Heimdall!"

"Oh come on!" Duo exclaimed. "I admit I lost track, but it couldn't have been more than six or seven times. Eight, tops."

"It was ten," Heimdall muttered.

"Poor Heimdall," Trowa sympathized.

"But I didn't win all his money or his house!" Duo pointed out self-righteously.

"Just his virtue."

"Yeah, but nobody really needs to hang on to that."

"Nor are they likely to, with you around."

"I'm not that bad."

Everyone stared at him.

"Well, maybe sometimes…"


	6. A Typical Night

Chapter 6: **A Typical Night**

"What's Freya going on about?" Duo asked. He nodded toward the goddess, who was seated next to Odin.

Odin had a pained look on his face. Freya was whispering furiously in his ear, frequently pointing at Zechs, then at Quatre and then at herself, all the while gesturing fiercely with her other hand.

"Oh, she's just a little miffed because Zechs is having a baby and Quatre had a baby and she can't get pregnant," said Trowa. "She thinks it's distinctly unfair that two men have done what she cannot." He grinned. "That's almost a direct quote."

"She's got a point," Duo said.

"True, but it's not like we did it deliberately to spite her," Quatre said. "I mean, my baby was an accident."

"I was?" Roku looked up.

Quatre smiled at him. "Yes, but you were a happy accident."

"He says that now!" Duo whispered loudly. "At the time, as I recall, he kept threatening to flay us."

Quatre glowered at him. "I still can."

Duo blinked innocently. "I didn't say anything."

"We all feel for Freya," Heimdall put in morosely. "It's not as though most of us haven't tried, but we gods are notoriously infertile."

"Wouldn't Valhalla get awfully crowded if that were not so?" asked Treize. "You are immortal."

"That's true, but one can hardly make that argument to Freya, especially after Brunhilde had her boy." Heimdall leaned toward the others and lowered his voice. "Freya and Brunhilde have never gotten along and Brunhilde's son looks too much like Frey to suit Freya, on top of it."

Freya concluded her statement to Odin and sat back with arms crossed.

"What do you think Odin will do?" asked Quatre.

"Probably nothing." Heimdall shrugged. "I expect he'll sneak off to Midgard for a few days and dally with a couple of buxom maidens until he forgets about it."

"Not handsome boys?" Trowa grumbled.

"Maybe a few of those, too. Odin's not picky." Heimdall grinned at Quatre. "Although he does like them pretty, in either case."

Trowa growled something unrepeatable.

Heero and Wu-Fei came over to their table.

"Hey, Duo," said Heero, "there are some guys over there talking about starting some game. I think it involves throwing knives at a spot on the floor and whoever gets closest wins."

"That sounds like fun. You gonna play?"

"I was thinking about it."

"Cool! Let's go!"

Duo went off with Heero and Wu-Fei sat down.

"How was the battle?" Treize asked.

"It was pretty fun. These guys don't hold back when they fight. It got pretty wild, with swords and axes swinging in all directions. I had to get pretty acrobatic to keep from getting skewered. I admit I used my dragon scales to turn a few blows."

Heimdall raised his eyebrows in surprise. "Your scales can turn an axe?"

"Yeah. They feel soft, but they're impenetrable."

"Hey, now that I think about," Quatre interrupted, "you can't get killed, can you? Didn't Gift give you one of his teeth and say it made you un-killable?"

"Yeah, but I still don't plan on relying on that. He didn't say anything about dismemberment, blinding, broken bones or other totally unpleasant things that can happen to a fellow in a fight."

"Good point."

"I saw you fighting, Papa Wu-Fei. You were good."

"Thank you, Roku. Was that you I saw flying over the battlefield?"

"Yup."

"Good job staying out of the way."

Roku grinned and dug into another haunch of mutton. "Flying is hard work."

A roar of shouting and laughter rose up near the center of the room.

"Sounds like that game is getting pretty exciting," Trowa said. "Let's go watch." He, Quatre, Wu-Fei, Treize, Zechs, Roku and a stiffly moving Heimdall worked their way over to where they could see the contest.

"You call that a throw?" someone shouted just as they arrived. The muscular speaker had a thick red beard and yellow hair. "That knife is barely sticking in the floor."

Duo waggled a finger at him. "I thought the point was accuracy, not depth."

"Well, yes, but…"

"Your throw, Borgurd!" someone else shouted. "Quit making excuses and throw."

Borgurd made a show of positioning himself, hefting his knife and testing the weight and balance until the watchers began shouting lewd comments and pelting him with bones. Borgurd glared around at everyone, raised his knife and threw it with a sharp snap of his wrist. It hit the floor at too shallow an angle and bounced off, sending people diving out of the way.

"You call that a throw?" Duo sneered.

Borgurd flushed angrily. "What! I didn't see you on the battlefield today! I don't have to take that!" He charged at Duo. Duo sidestepped him and kicked him in the butt as he went by.

Duo winked at Heimdall. "His butt is not cute."

Heimdall's face turned scarlet again.

Borgurd let out an angry roar. He charged at Duo once more. This time, Duo stepped back, braced himself and kicked Borgurd square in the gut. Borgurd stopped in his tracks and lost all color in his face. He doubled over, gasping vainly for air, and slowly toppled over onto one side, wheezing helplessly.

A roar of approval went up and numerous hands clapped Duo on the back.

"Well done, man!"

"That's how you bring down a charging boar!"

"Let's have a drink on that!"

Everyone reached for tankards of mead and drained them.

"All right, drag Borgurd out of the way," said a tall man with long blond hair braided with leather strips. "It's time for round three."

"Aim for this spot," someone said and poured a pool of mead on the floor. Everyone stepped back to give the contestants room.

The man with blond braids went first, sticking his knife just outside the marked spot.

"Good throw!"

Another man threw and missed, and then a muscular young woman whose tawny hair was done in a single long plait down her back stepped up.

"You men!" she huffed. "Let a woman show you how it's done." She snapped her arm forward sharply and her knife dug into the floor well inside the wet mark left by the mead.

"Well thrown, Brunhilde!"

"Best that, if you can!" Brunhilde smiled proudly.

Heero stepped forward. Without a word, he flicked his knife through the air and it gouged deep into the floor almost in the exact center of the target. Brunhilde stared with her mouth open.

"Not the most ladylike expression," Zechs whispered to Treize.

"Be charming, my love."

No one else could get as close to the mark as Heero, so he was declared the winner of that round. New throwers moved up for the next round and Brunhilde stepped over to clasp Heero by the shoulder. She looked him up and down and smiled broadly.

"You're a slight fellow but perhaps you make up for it elsewhere."

Duo laughed out loud. "Oh he's got it where it counts, lady."

Heero glared at him.

Brunhilde practically leered at Heero. "Perhaps a quick ride in the furs is in order. I like a man who can best me."

Heero went pale. "Um… Well… I think I need another cup of mead." He made a break for the nearest table.

Brunhilde frowned. "Does he think I offer myself to just any man? I am a Valkyrie!"

"Don't take it personally, lady. Heero's got a thing about strong women." Duo grinned maliciously. "You aren't the first one he's avoided, trust me."

Brunhilde looked Duo up and down. "What about you? Now that I am in the mood, a quick bump appeals to me."

"I wasn't on the battlefield today…"

"No matter." Brunhilde grabbed his hand. "You bested Borgurd. That's good enough for me." She dragged Duo away.

Heimdall's eyes went wide. "How can he? After all the times he…?" Involuntarily, he put a hand on his backside.

"That would be Duo," Quatre said. "When it comes to drinking and sex, he's pretty much ready to go all the time. Let's go back to our table. Zechs looks like he needs to sit down."

"You're very thoughtful, Quatre," Zechs said.

"I remember what it was like. My feet used to swell up all the time. I couldn't stand up for more than five minutes at a time without them starting to hurt."

"Now that you mention it," Zechs replied thoughtfully, "my feet have been bothering me. But it never occurred to me they might be swelling up."

"You should put them up tonight." Quatre winked at Treize. "Someone who cares about you might even offer to rub them for you."

Treize immediately put his arm around Zechs' waist. "You do not even need to ask, my beloved. I love touching your feet."

Zechs favored him with a seductive smile. "Touching them? With your tongue maybe. It seems like you're always licking my toes."

"Why not?" Treize purred. "It puts you in the most delightful mood." He nuzzled Zechs' neck. "Maybe we should go back to Frey's house before your feet swell any more and take care of that problem right now. I hate the idea of you suffering in any way."

"You're so thoughtful." Zechs turned to the others. "If you will excuse us, I think we will return to the house now so I can relax." He fixed Treize with a sweetly suggestive smile. "Perhaps we can take a bath."

Treize drew in a quick breath. "Yes, a bath sounds nice." He led Zechs away.

"Hmm…" said Trowa. "I don't need Duo's ability to see that Treize is thinking about getting Zechs naked and wet." He grinned at Quatre. "That sounds like a wonderful idea."

Quatre frowned. "Would you mind not airing your lustful ideas in front of the child?"

"What?" Trowa looked around. "Roku's way over there watching Heero throw knives."

"Don't worry Quatre," Wu-Fei said. "You can go with Trowa if you want to. I'll either take Roku to Heimdall's house with me or walk him back to Frey's house later. Although, you realize, he's probably safer here than we are."

"I know," Quatre muttered. "I just can't help worrying, that's all."

"Come on, Quatre," Trowa urged. "Let's go back to the house and take a bath. I'll scrub your back."

Quatre smiled. "Oh, all right. Who can pass up an offer like that?"

"Certainly not Wu-Fei!" Trowa laughed.

"Oh, go and bathe!" Wu-Fei grumbled. He scratched his shoulder.

"Is your back itching again?" Heimdall asked.

"Just a little. I need to put on more oil."

"I would be pleased to help you with that," Heimdall offered.

Wu-Fei stared at him suspiciously. "You don't have an ulterior motive do you? Half the time, when Duo oils my back, I end up getting fucked as well."

Heimdall blushed furiously. "I have no such intentions, I assure you! Only Freya draws out that inclination in me."

"Then I accept your kind offer," Wu-Fei said with a grin. "I'll get the oil from Roku. We can probably just go over by the wall and do it. No one's sleeping yet so it's pretty quiet over there."

"Except for those engaged in amorous activity."

"Yeah, but they're not going to pay any attention to us."

Certainly Duo was not going to, since he was far too busy keeping Brunhilde amused.

"You are well-endowed for such a slender youth," Brunhilde proclaimed delightedly as she straddled Duo. "I would not have expected it, for I've seen many a larger man present less. I think I've chosen my bedmate well tonight."

"Bedmate!" Duo exclaimed. "You said this was just a quick bump!"

"That was before I saw what you had to offer. Now I'm thinking a more leisurely ride of several hours may be called for."

"What if I have other plans?"

"How can you even think of such when you have Brunhilde to hold?" She rode up and down on him with great enthusiasm. "The night is long, young Duo, and you have the honor of spending it with a Valkyrie. Count your blessings!"

"At least there's only one of you," Duo groaned.

Just then, a pretty young woman with bright yellow hair peeked over Brunhilde's shoulder. "Who've you got there, Brunhilde? Is he one of the visitors?"

"Yes!" Brunhilde huffed breathlessly.

"He's cute! You're not going to use him all up are you?"

"Finders keepers!" Brunhilde grunted.

"Oh, be generous, Brunhilde!" the blond exclaimed. "There are men enough waiting to have a go at you. Sharing is a virtue!"

"How come you're always after the men I've got, Haldeth?" Brunhilde complained.

"Because maybe then I will have a baby too!"

"I'm not getting anybody pregnant!" Duo interrupted loudly.

"Don't be stingy!" Haldeth retorted with a giggle. "What else is your seed for?"

"Give us some peace, Haldeth!" Brunhilde cried. "How are we to enjoy ourselves with you nagging at us? Go have a round or two with Thor. You know he favors you."

"Oh fine!" Haldeth pouted. She waggled a finger at Duo. "I'll look for you tomorrow night."

"Oh great!"

"Think not on her," Brunhilde said. She kissed Duo on the nose. "When Brunhilde the Valkyrie rides, all men take note!"

In fact, the pair of them had acquired an audience, who were making bets on which of them would come first, whether Brunhilde would demand two or three climaxes before she rested, and whether Duo would be equal to the task.

Wu-Fei and Heimdall joined Heero, who was watching the action with a critical eye.

Wu-Fei wriggled his shoulders contentedly. "What's going on?"

"We're betting on Duo and Brunhilde," Heero replied. He nudged Heimdall, who was watching with an expression bordering on awe. "You should get in on the betting, Heimdall. Put all your money on Duo outlasting her."

"But how can he?" Heimdall lowered his voice and spoke with some embarrassment. "Earlier today, your friend, ah, induced me to allow him to, ah…"

"Actually, I heard about that," Heero said. He shrugged slightly. "I might have let it slip to one or two fellows. They'll think Duo can't possibly have the capacity. You'll make a fortune."

"But I have no real need for money. And what will the heroes think of me for letting a mere mortal…" He flushed.

"It's not the money, it's winning," Heero said pointedly. "You can give the money to Duo if you like. He loves money." Heero glanced around at the heroes. "And I honestly don't think they care that you got your ass fucked. It happens sometimes."

Heimdall blinked at Heero for a moment and then managed a weak grin. "Why not? Maybe a few bets wouldn't hurt." He wandered over to the nearest heroes and joined the wagering.

Wu-Fei looked disgusted. "We obviously need to find something for Duo to do. He's really getting out of hand."

"He's just bored."

"That's what I mean. He hasn't really done any killing lately. He does like to call himself the god of death. He needs to go with us to fight with the heroes next time."

"Yeah, but that's not for a couple of days, remember?"

"Perhaps I can be of assistance," said a smooth, silky voice.

Heero and Wu-Fei turned to regard the speaker; a short, slender man with straight black hair trimmed just above his shoulders and bright green eyes.

The man bowed slightly. "I am Loki. Your friend interests me very much. His capacity for sensual enjoyment is most impressive."

"Yeah, nobody can eat, drink or fuck like Duo," Heero said.

"So it would seem," Loki replied with sparkling eyes. "Even the mighty Odin could not match him. That is a feat I have never seen in all my long years. It would please me very much to entertain your friend for a few days, until the battles resume. I have many pursuits which he might find enjoyable."

"That's kind of you to offer," Wu-Fei said. "But these pursuits wouldn't bring him to any real harm, would they? Duo's a pain in the ass, but he's still our friend."

"Believe me, I would never allow such a delightful fellow to come to harm." Loki chuckled gleefully. "I think you will find he and I share many common traits. I will fetch him tomorrow morning, for I think Brunhilde means to keep him occupied tonight."

They all glanced at the pair, who were urgently working their way toward a loud climax.

"It does look that way," Wu-Fei agreed.

Loki inclined his head. "Until tomorrow then." He glided smoothly away.

"I'm not sure I trust that guy," Heero muttered.

Wu-Fei nodded. "Hey, where's Roku?" He looked around. "Roku!"

"I'm over here, Papa Wu-Fei!" Roku sat up on his hind legs on a table and waved at Wu-Fei with his front paws.

Wu-Fei walked over to the table. "What are you doing?"

"Stashing some bread and cheese for snacks later. Papa Duo thought at me to go somewhere else when the lady wanted to be naughty." Roku grinned. "He was thinking that Mama would skin him if he found out Papa Duo let me see him being naughty."

"That was probably wise thinking on Duo's part. Are you getting sleepy? You look like you could use a bath."

"I am kind of sleepy."

"Do you want to go to Heimdall's house with me or go back to Frey's with Papa Heero?"

"Can I go with Papa Heero? He gives fun baths."

"Sure. Let's go get him."

The two of them walked over to Heero.

"Hey, Heero, Roku wants you to give him a bath."

"Who, me?"

"Yeah, you. I'm going over to Heimdall's, so Roku can sleep with you."

"Fine, but no purring. It keeps me awake."

"Ok. Can we play mobile suit attack in the bathtub?"

"Sure, but no slashing holes in me this time. Quatre never believes me when I say it doesn't hurt and I don't want to get you in trouble."

"You're a great papa, Papa Heero."

"Thanks, Roku."


	7. Probably a Bad Idea

_You know, nothing really happens in this chapter. I sort of just started rambling and then the guys just started doing stuff and the chapter just sort of happened. Does that ever happen to you when you're writing?_

-o-o-o-

Chapter 7: **Probably a Bad Idea**

"Master Duo, awake."

Duo rubbed his eyes and stared blearily at the speaker. "Who are you?"

"I am Loki. Perhaps you're not aware that the heroes get today off. If you lie here until Brunhilde and the Valkyries awake, you may find yourself stuck entertaining them the whole day."

Duo sat bolt upright. "What? That's not good." He looked around. Brunhilde was snoring lustily beside him and another battle-hardened woman was curled up by his other side. Duo pointed at her. "When did she get here?"

Loki grinned. "Don't you remember? She showed up right after Brunhilde passed out. You were taking bets that you could finish her too."

"I was?"

"Yup."

Duo shook his head. "That's not good. I must have been really drunk."

"I'd say so."

Duo staggered to his feet. "Let's get out of here. I need a healthy dose of testosterone to sort myself out."

Loki blinked at him. "You want to get in a fight?"

"Hardly," Duo laughed. He draped an arm over Loki's shoulders. "Let's go find my buddy Heero. He'll take care of me."

"I think he went back to Frey's house."

"Figures."

The two of them left the great hall and trotted across the valley toward Frey's home.

"I was hoping I could interest you in spending a day or two with me, Duo," Loki said. "Your many skills intrigue me."

"Skills?" Duo chuckled. "Don't say that around the others. I doubt they'd agree."

"Your friends Heero and Wu-Fei did express some skepticism when I mentioned it."

"You already talked to them? Quatre wasn't there, was he?"

"No, he had left already."

"Good. Just between you and me, Quatre tends to get a little bossy these days. You knock a guy up and he acts like he owns you after that." Duo chuckled. "Anyway, just let me get two or three quickies from Heero and I'm at your service."

Loki blinked in confusion. "Quickies?"

"Ah…" said Duo. "Why don't you wait outside while I, uh, chat with Heero? Look!" Duo pointed across the meadow. "You can play with Roku while you wait."

The young tiger was bounding across the meadow toward them, periodically leaping up into the air and snapping at the abundant butterflies.

"Good morning, Papa Duo!"

"Good morning, Roku! How'd you sleep? Did you eat breakfast already?"

Roku dropped onto his haunches and wrapped his tail around his legs. "I slept great. Papa Heero didn't nudge me once even though I was purring and he said it keeps him awake but maybe he was really tired because we took a bath for hours and played mobile suit attack and I won three times and he won three times so he says next time we play is the tiebreaker. I haven't had breakfast because Mama's not up yet but the servants gave me some porridge, bacon, five sausages, three slices of bread, four boiled eggs and a bowl of goat milk for a snack. Who's this?"

"This is Loki, another god."

"How do you do, Mr. Loki?"

Loki almost missed his introduction, because he was staring open-mouthed at Roku. "Oh, ah, how do you do, Roku? Was there any punctuation in that statement?"

Roku thought for a second. "Three periods, four commas and a question mark. Why?"

"I just missed it, that's all." Loki grinned. "I have never met a creature like you before."

"I'm not a creature, I'm a tiger. And sometimes a boy. And occasionally a dragon. And every now and then a bird. And I was a girl once."

Loki was staring open-mouthed again.

Duo clapped him on the back. "Roku can shape-change, Loki. And he's a really powerful sorcerer too, but he's a total sweetheart. Roku, look after Loki for me for a little while, would you? I want to drop in on Heero for a little him and me time."

"Ok."

"Thanks, kid. I'll call you for breakfast." Duo trotted off.

Loki eyed Roku curiously. "Is this form you wear your natural form?"

"Well, that's a good question. Mama is a human, but he turned into a tiger when I was born, so I was born like this. But I was a human baby the whole time Mama was making me."

Loki sat down with a thump. "That is most interesting. I have fathered several children, none of whom are human. Perhaps you would like to meet them."

"I would like that very much." Roku sniffed the wind. "Do you like to chase rabbits, Mr. Loki?"

"That's not something I normally do."

"That's too bad. It's really fun, especially when they run really fast."

Loki looked around. "Is there a rabbit nearby?"

Roku nodded. "Lots of them."

"How long do you think Duo will be talking with his friend?"

"Oh, they're not talking, they're being naughty. But probably not very long. I think Papa Heero is hungry and he always kicks Papa Duo out of bed when he's hungry."

"Being naughty?"

"You know, having sex." Roku lowered his voice. "It makes Mama unhappy that I know what they're doing, so I don't usually say it that way."

Loki stared. "He's having sex with his male friend?"

Roku shrugged. "Yeah, but they don't make babies. You need a little magic for that."

Loki shook his head. "We gods like to believe we are omniscient, but it seems there are still things for us to learn."

Roku nodded. "There's always more stuff to learn."

"Perhaps we should go see if anyone else has arisen."

"Ok."

They walked back to Frey's house, although Roku took several detours along the way to investigate various rabbit holes, chase squirrels into trees, snap at butterflies and follow various brightly colored bugs as they went about their business. When they finally reached Frey's house, nearly an hour later, Loki was exhausted.

"No wonder he eats so much," Loki muttered. "He expends more energy just existing than the heroes do in battle."

In the house, they found that Frey, Quatre and Trowa were up.

"Good morning, sweetheart," Quatre greeted Roku. "What have you been up to?"

"Just playing. This is Mr. Loki. Papa Duo brought him."

"He did? Where is he?"

"With Papa Heero."

"Ah." Quatre inclined his head toward Loki. "Good morning, Loki. It's nice to see you again."

Loki bowed politely. "Good morning to you, Master Sorcerer. Lord Odin sends his greetings and wonders if you would care to take a tour of Midgard with him?" Loki winked. "In truth, he wants to hide out from Freya for a few days and he thinks the time might be well spent studying your amazing abilities."

Trowa frowned. "I don't trust Odin's intentions."

"And well you shouldn't," Loki agreed with a grin. "Odin lusts after your pretty friend rather openly."

Trowa growled.

Quatre patted his arm. "Now, now. I think it would be very interesting. I'm sure Odin won't mind if you come to."

"Oh, I'm sure he would," Loki laughed, "so all the more reason for your friend to join you. It amuses me when Odin is put out."

Frey frowned slightly. "Loki, are you sure this request came from Odin himself? You're not up to no good again, are you?"

"Who me?"

Everyone stared at Loki as he batted his eyes innocently.

"Man, that creeps me out!" Quatre exclaimed. "He could be Duo's twin."

"Yeah," Trowa agreed. "It is creepy."

Frey fixed a stern eye on Loki. "Loki…"

"The request did come from Odin," Loki said. "Although it's possible he did say that I shouldn't mention the part about Freya or hoping to couple like a newlywed with Quatre."

Frey put a hand over his face and sighed. "You should learn quickly not to trust Loki, my friends. He finds it amusing when we other gods suffer grave injuries or torment."

"How is that not amusing?" Loki said with a wide grin. "If you all didn't aspire to such perfection, it wouldn't be as funny."

Treize entered at that moment looking very tired. "Good morning, everyone."

"Good morning, Treize!" Frey trilled. His entire demeanor changed on the spot from annoyed to bubbling cheerfulness. "Will your lovely companion be joining us soon?"

"No, I'm afraid not. He's having morning sickness. Roku, do you have more crackers?"

"Sure, Mr. Treize." Roku shifted to human form and retrieved two packets of crackers. "I have about twenty more of these."

"You packed quite a few."

Roku shrugged. "There was room."

Treize stared at him. Quatre and Trowa stared at him. Then all three burst out laughing.

Frey stared from one to the other. "Pray tell, what is the source of your amusement?"

Quatre pointed a shaking finger at Roku. "He said 'there was room'!" He doubled over, giggling helplessly.

Frey's look of confusion did not go away. "But why is that funny?"

Trowa drew in a deep breath and held it. For a moment, he managed to stop laughing. "As far as we can tell, Roku's storage space is infinite." A giggle escaped him. He stifled it. "So, to say 'there was room'…" Another giggle escaped him. And then another. And then a loud guffaw and he doubled over, too, clutching his knees.

Treize was the first to recover. He inclined his head to Roku. "Forgive us, Roku, but you have to admit that was rather amusing."

Roku made a face. "I didn't mean it that way."

"I know. I better take these to Zechs before he starts retching again."

Freya swept into the room as Treize left. "What is all the laughter about?" she demanded. "What amusement are you sharing in my absence?" She glared around at them accusingly.

Frey offered her a deep bow. "It was only a minor jest among our guests, dear sister. Do not be put out."

Freya's eyes fell on Loki. She extended an imperious finger. "What is he doing in my house?"

Loki bowed. "Good morning, Freya. As usual the finest Asgard dawn cannot rival you for beauty."

Freya appeared slightly mollified. "Well, I suppose it would be impolite to throw you out. Since you're here, you may as well join us for breakfast. Where are our other guests?"

"I'm afraid Treize and Zechs will not be joining us," Frey said. "Zechs is unwell."

"How unfortunate," Freya said, although it was not clear if she was referring to Zechs' illness or Treize's absence.

"I believe Wu-Fei is visiting with Heimdall for a few days and the others have not yet arisen," Frey continued.

"Yes we have," Heero growled. He stomped into the room with Duo trotting lightly at his side.

"Very well," Freya said. She clapped her hands and servants began bringing in food and drink.

"Look! Porridge!" Roku exclaimed.

"Use a spoon, please," Quatre said absently.

"Is there honey to go with that?" Duo asked. He plopped down next to Roku and the two of them began shoveling spoonfuls of thick porridge into their mouths, interspersed with strips of bacon, fat sausages, the occasional boiled egg and slices of toast with butter and jam.

"I have invited Duo to spend a few days with me," Loki said to Frey. "And young Roku has expressed an interest in meeting my children. I would be honored to entertain them while Quatre and Trowa tour Midgard with Odin."

Frey stared at him suspiciously. "What evil plans are you making, Loki?"

"None at all," Loki said with bright-eyed innocence. "I just thought we might visit among the minor gods and perhaps look in on a few giants, in addition to visiting my children."

Quatre frowned at him. "My son is very precious to me. Nothing you're planning is likely to cause him any harm, is it?"

Duo leaned over and whispered loudly to Loki, "The answer is 'Absolutely nothing' and you better mean it."

Loki blinked at Quatre. "Absolutely nothing and I mean that sincerely."

Quatre glared at Duo. "I'll blame you if anything happens."

"Oh shit!"

"Nothing will happen to me, Mama," Roku put in. "I promise I'll use big magic if I get into any trouble."

"Big magic?" questioned Frey.

"Roku considers shape-changing, transformations and stuffing things into his storage space little magic," Heero replied absently.

Frey's eyes went round. "So what constitutes big magic?"

"I'm pretty sure we don't want to know," Heero said. He lifted an eyebrow at Loki. "So I advise making sure he doesn't feel compelled to use any."

Loki nodded. "I'll keep that in mind."

After breakfast, Loki, Duo and Roku left together, with Roku shifted back into his tiger shape.

"I hope they don't run into any trouble," Quatre said worriedly.

"You heard Roku," Trowa replied. "They'll be all right."

"I hope so, because we don't actually know what starts Ragnarok and having Roku use a really powerful spell could cause problems."

"Oh. I hadn't thought of that."

"Let's pack a few things and go over to Valhalla to look for Odin."

"You guys going somewhere?" Heero asked.

"Yeah. Odin invited us on a tour of Midgard." Quatre grinned. "Well, actually, he invited me, but Trowa doesn't trust him so he's going too."

"That's probably a good idea."

"What will you do while we're gone?"

Heero shrugged. "The heroes get today off and tomorrow's a training day. I'm not entirely sure why they need to rest, so I was planning to round up Wu-Fei and have a light sword practice. I might go horseback riding after that."

"Sounds like fun."

"I wasn't planning to have fun."

"Lighten up, Heero."

"Whatever. Frey, can you tell me how to get to Heimdall's house?"

"It will be my pleasure to take you there," Frey said cheerfully. "Freya, I will leave you in charge of our remaining guests until I return."

Freya saw them to the door and watched as they strolled across the valley toward Valhalla. When they arrived, Quatre and Trowa entered the great hall and Heero and Frey continued toward Heimdall's house.

Many of the heroes were still rolled up in their furs, snoring lustily. Those who had arisen were eating a leisurely breakfast and chatting idly. Odin himself was standing beside one of the great fire places with a small pack resting at his feet. He smiled when he saw Quatre.

"I see you received my invitation, Quatre," Odin said.

"Yes. I hope you don't mind, but my friend Trowa would like to join us. He has a scholarly interest in Midgard."

Odin regarded Trowa with a slightly sour expression. "Of course. All are welcome."

"Thanks," Trowa replied sweetly.

"We will take my horse, Sleipnir. He can easily carry all of us." He led the way back outside, put his fingers to his lips and emitted a piercing whistle. A moment later, a large gray horse came galloping toward them, racing across the plains of Asgard like the wind.

"Is it just that his legs are moving so fast, or does that horse have eight legs?" Trowa whispered to Quatre.

"I think it has eight legs," said Quatre, staring in astonishment.

Sleipnir galloped up to them and skidded to a halt in front of Odin.

Odin patted him on the nose. "Hello, Sleipnir. Feel like taking the three of us for a ride?"

Sleipnir tossed his head up and down and pranced on six of his eight legs.

"Very good," said Odin. He eyed Quatre. "Why don't you sit in front, Quatre? I'll sit behind you to steady you and Trowa can sit behind me and hold on. That seems like the safest arrangement."

Trowa frowned and started to say something but Quatre shook his head at him.

"That sounds fine for now," Quatre said. He looked up at the towering stallion. "How do we get up?"

Without a word, Odin grabbed Quatre by the waist and lifted him onto the back of the horse. Then he leaped gracefully up behind him and put his arms around Quatre's waist. "There, wasn't that easy?"

Trowa took three quick steps, leaped into the air, did a flip with a half-twist and landed behind Odin. "Very easy," he said. He clamped his hands firmly on Odin's waist.

Odin squeaked. "Your grip is a little tight, Trowa."

"I don't want to fall off. I saw how fast Sleipnir runs."

"I see," Odin grumbled. He rapped his heels against Sleipnir's sides. "To Midgard, Sleipnir!"

Sleipnir spun around and dashed back down the valley, running so fast that the wind brought tears to their eyes. Then he leaped into the air and galloped up into the clouds.

"Are all animals in Asgard capable of flying?" Quatre shouted over the wind.

"Only the magical ones," Odin shouted back. "Sleipnir is one of Loki's children and is part god, part animal."

"Where are we going?" Trowa asked.

"To one of the larger cities. We will land well away from it and proceed there on foot. I like to go among the mortals disguised as an old man so they will not fear me."

"How can they not recognize you?" said Quatre.

"Mortals only see what they expect to see," Odin laughed. "But the king of this city knows who I am and he will take good care of us during our stay. We will have plenty of the best food, drink and entertainment, plus we can go sailing if we like."

"Sailing?" Trowa said. "That sounds like fun."

"If it interests you," Odin said quickly, "I will speak to the king as soon as we arrive. No doubt you will become bored with the dry discussions of magic between Quatre and me."

"No doubt," Trowa muttered under his breath.

They landed in a meadow half a day's walk from a large walled city on a bay with long wharfs sticking out into the water. They could smell the city when they landed.

Trowa wrinkled his nose. "It's worse than the moat at Camelot."

Quatre coughed slightly and nodded. "I wouldn't have thought it possible."

"Come, let's not dally!" Odin cried. "Exciting days and long pleasant nights await us." He planted a big, floppy-brimmed hat on his head and wrapped a scarf around the lower half of his face. Then he put an arm around Quatre's shoulders. "I look forward to learning so much more about you," he whispered.

Trowa clenched his fists. "I look forward to kicking your immortal butt!" he growled.

"What was that?" said Odin as he led the way toward the city with his arm still around Quatre.

"Nothing!" Trowa snapped. He stroked the staff draped across his chest. "You'll help me keep an eye on that untrustworthy jerk, right?"

"Of course, Master," the staff hissed. "I can still bite him if you wish."

"Let's hold on to that thought, shall we?"


	8. Loki's Offspring

Chapter 8: **Loki's Offspring**

"Where do your children live, Mr. Loki?" Roku asked as he bounded across the meadow ahead of Duo and Loki, who were riding horses.

"Oh, all over the place."

"How many do you have?"

"Five that I know about," Loki chuckled and he winked at Duo. "But there are probably others. I'm rather fond of my pleasures, like Master Duo here."

Duo grimaced. "I've tried to avoid the whole reproduction thing, except for one rather notable disaster last year."

"Oh?"

"I'd rather not talk about it."

"Do you mean the twelve maidens, Papa Duo?"

"Twelve maidens?" Loki exclaimed.

"Roku!"

"Please!" said Loki. "I'm all agog. Don't leave me in suspense."

Duo sighed. "Well, there were these twelve maidens. They were kind of sheltered. But this acquaintance of theirs had told them about sex and made it sound really enticing, so when I met them, they were all eager to try it."

"All at once?" Loki's eyes went round.

"Yeah," Duo grumbled. "They completely wore me out. Drained me dry. I could barely walk."

"You are an amazing creature, Master Duo. I know of few mortal men who could master that many maidens in a single night. I warrant Odin has managed it, for he's a right lustful creature himself, but for a mortal that is a most impressive feat."

Duo brightened a little. "Thanks for the praise, Loki, but just call me Duo. I feel old when you stick that 'Master' on there."

Loki chuckled. "Of course, Duo. Well, whom shall we visit first? One of my offspring, Sleipnir, will have taken Odin and your friends to Midgard, so we'll have to look for him later. I suppose we could visit Hel, but she's kind of depressing."

"You have a daughter named Hel?"

"Yes. It is her duty to host all those souls who died of old age and disease. As you can imagine, her hall is not noted for its cheer. But if I don't visit her and she learns later that I took you to meet the others, she'll be upset and I'll have to listen to her complaints for years, maybe even decades."

"I guess we better go then."

"All right." Loki tapped his heels against his horse's sides and they traveled swiftly across the Asgard plains. He stopped when they reached a tall open doorway embedded in the side of a mountain. "This is the entrance to Hel's hall. Normally, anyone can pass in but only gods can come out again, but I will bring you both back out."

Roku examined the entrance curiously. "There's a spell on the door."

"You can see it?" Loki exclaimed in surprise.

"Yes. It's a one-way portal. The other side isn't really in the mountain."

Loki stared. "I can see why Master Quatre expressed concern about Roku using big magic. I would not have expected a mortal to even be aware of the spell, much less the fact that it is a passage into another place."

"Roku is pretty special," Duo said proudly.

"Indeed. Shall we go in?" Loki dismounted and led the way through the doorway.

Duo shivered when he followed Loki in. "It feels like walking through cobwebs."

Roku glanced back once they were through. "Don't worry, Papa Duo, I know how to get back."

"That's good."

The doorway admitted them to a smooth stone passage leading down at a slight angle. They followed it for several minutes until they reached a set of wide double-doors at the far end. One door was inset with an engraving of a beautiful woman. The other door contained an engraving of a hideous rotting corpse. Loki knocked on the door. The sound of clasps being undone and chains loosened could be heard and then the doors swung inward.

An ancient man waiting on the other side bowed to them. "Welcome, Lord Loki. Our mistress will be glad to see you." He turned and led the way while two burly bare-chested men with the heads of boars closed and bolted the doors behind them.

Duo lifted an eyebrow. "That's something you don't see every day."

"The guardians of Hel's hall are all half-men, half-animal," Loki said. "Hel doesn't like to have anything beautiful around her."

All the people they passed were either ancient, many bordering on decrepit, or sickly. It was very quiet. They finally entered a great hall, not as vast as Valhalla, but still quite large. At the far end, a woman sat on a wide stone seat watching them approach. She was not attractive. Well, at least half of her was not attractive. The right side of her body was that of a woman as beautiful as Freya. The left side was a decaying corpse.

"Try not to stare," Loki whispered. "She's a little self-conscious about her appearance."

"I can imagine," Duo whispered back.

"Welcome to Sleetcold," Hel said. Her voice was rich and deep. "To what do I owe the honor of this visit, Father?"

"I just thought I'd drop by. I'm showing my new friends around Asgard."

Hel regarded Duo with a disdainful air. "He is a mortal."

"True, but a special man nonetheless."

She looked at Roku and her imperious manner broke for a moment. "What manner of creature is this? A new sibling perhaps?"

Roku sat down. "My name is Roku, Miss Hel. We're not related."

Hel sat back. "A beast who speaks! I am fascinated."

"Roku is also a most special creature, Daughter."

"I can see that," Hel nodded. She returned her gaze to Duo. "Do you find my appearance repulsive, Sir?"

"Call me Duo," said Duo, "and not especially."

Hel shifted in her seat. "I am not sure I believe that. Living men are always dismayed by the sight of me." She waved a hand. "Even the residents of my hall will seldom look at me."

"Do not judge him too harshly, Hel," Loki chuckled. "He violated Heimdall without a moment's thought and hasn't looked twice at Freya."

Hel's eyes opened wide. "What?"

"Don't deny that the torment of the gods amuses you as much as it does me," Loki laughed gleefully. "Heimdall was still walking stiffly the last time I saw him and Freya frets that her loveliness cannot compete with a man's backside."

Hel began to chuckle. "Is that so?" She grinned at Duo. "Please accept my hospitality, Duo. Anyone who dares to trifle with the gods is a friend to me." She clapped her hands. "Bring the finest my kitchen has to offer!"

The appearance of food and drink enlivened the locals somewhat, as much as old or sick people could get lively.

"The food is really good, Miss Hel," Roku said as he tore his way through a large chunk of mutton.

"Thank you, Roku. What do you think of the mead, Duo?"

"It's great!" Duo quaffed the remaining half of his tankard and held it out. "I wouldn't say no to another." A servant with a sheep's head refilled it.

"But tell me," said Hel, "what possessed you to, ah, indulge your passions with Heimdall?"

"He took his pants off."

"That's it?"

Duo shrugged. "I admit I'm pretty easy. And he just looked so cute. I can never say no to a pretty backside"

"I do not believe I've ever seen Heimdall's backside."

"Trust me, it's worth the look."

Hel laughed. "I shall remember that. So then you are not drawn to the beauty of Freya like all other men?"

"Well, the truth is, I have some good friends that I usually spend my time with and I only occasionally stray."

Roku stopped eating and stared at Duo.

"Well, maybe a little more often than occasionally."

Roku kept staring.

"Ok, when I've been drinking, I sometimes get excited and fool around a little bit."

Roku lifted his eyebrows.

"Ok, geez! I can barely keep it in my pants most days! Happy?"

Roku resumed eating.

"And you're supposed to be innocent!" Duo grumbled.

Hel and Loki were laughing heartily.

"So I take it your preference is not for women?" Hel said.

"Not normally, no."

"But neither does he say no!" Loki put in wickedly. "Or did Brunhilde force herself on you by brute strength?"

"She did! I was an innocent bystander until she threw me down and attacked me!" Duo lifted his chin nobly. "I was too much the gentleman to use force to resist her."

"So that second Valkyrie…?"

Duo flushed. "I was really drunk."

"Apparently."

"Let's change the subject."

"Very well," said Hel. "I would like to hear about Roku's parentage."

Duo groaned. "Let's go back to the other subject."

"The way I heard it," Loki said mischievously, "Roku was fathered by Duo and three friends on a fourth friend. All the participants were male."

"Indeed?" Hel's eyes opened wide.

Loki nodded.

Duo put a hand over his face.

Hel looked at Roku. "Is that so?"

"Yes, Miss Hel. My Mama is a man and I have four Papas."

"Fascinating!"

"There was magic involved," Duo muttered.

"I suspected that."

"Mama is a sorcerer."

"I think you must be one too."

"I am."

Hel smiled at Roku. "I am glad to have met you. I do not often get to meet interesting people in Sleetcold. It seems the interesting people always get themselves killed in some exciting way and end up in Valhalla, where my appearance makes me unwelcome."

"Oh!" Roku exclaimed suddenly. "Mama says I should always thank my hostess for her hospitality and give a gift if I have one."

"A gift is unnecessary, little one. Your company has been gift enough."

"But still, I think you'll like this." Roku stuck his nose under one foreleg and pulled out an ornate silver hand mirror. He propped the mirror between his paws. "It's a magic mirror. When you look in it, it will reflect your pretty face on both sides. And for one hour afterward, that's how you will appear to everyone."

Hel stared. "Surely there must be a catch."

Roku hung his head a little. "Yeah, there is. You can only look in it once a day."

"So for an hour each day, I can look like a normal woman?"

"Yes."

Hel reached out slowly, took the mirror and looked in it. Instantly, her corpse half disappeared and she took on the appearance of a whole woman.

"Wow!" Duo exclaimed. "I think you're prettier than Freya."

Hel beamed. "You are most kind to say so, Duo." She bowed her head gravely to Roku. "Thank you, Roku. This is the best gift I have ever received. I will use it wisely and adhere to the restriction." She smiled broadly. "A whole hour every day! What do you think, Father?"

"I think you have your mother's beauty." Loki got up and kissed her on the left cheek.

Hel giggled. "That tickles!" She looked down at her hands. "Maybe tomorrow night I will go visit Valhalla." Then she lifted an eyebrow at Duo. "Although, it seems a shame to waste this beauty today. Perhaps a kindly gentleman might indulge a lady who's gone without for several hundred years."

"Several hundred years!" Duo exclaimed. "An hour might not be long enough."

"I'm out of practice," Hel giggled. She held out a hand. "Will you indulge me?"

Duo got up and bowed. "It would be ungentlemanly not to." He took Hel's hand and she led him from the hall.

Loki chuckled. "This is turning out better than I expected. I will be in Hel's good graces for centuries after this." He bowed his head to Roku. "Thank you for giving Hel that mirror. Where did you get it?"

"Oh, I made it just now. I only pretended to get it out of my storage space."

Loki stared. "Was that big magic?"

"No." Roku lapped at a bowl of goat milk. "It's a standard magic mirror spell. I know a bunch of them."

Loki shook his head. "I have ensorcelled a mirror or two in my time, mostly to tease Freya into thinking she has aged unexpectedly or lost her looks, but to both create a mirror from nothing and then put a spell on it? You are a very powerful sorcerer, Roku."

Roku grinned with milk dripping from his whiskers. "Sorcery is fun, especially when you can do something nice for someone."

"I agree sorcery is fun," Loki chuckled, "but I prefer causing torment and anguish. It's funny watching the gods suffer."

"Mama says it's not nice to hurt people."

"Master Quatre is a kindhearted person. But no one has ever said that about me!" Loki laughed out loud. "So how shall we pass the time until Hel and Duo are finished?"

"I can do circus tricks!" Roku hopped away from the table and produced a large ball, a big hoop and several blocks. "Watch this!" Roku hopped up onto the ball and rolled it back and forth while balancing on top. Hel's residents, old and sick alike, sat up and applauded. He was still entertaining everyone when Duo and Hel returned.

Hel was very happy. She hugged Loki. "Thank you for bringing these wonderful guests, Father!"

"You are most welcome, Daughter."

"What are you up to, Roku?" Duo said.

"I've been doing tricks." Roku was balancing on one front paw on the back of a chair which was teetering precariously on one leg on top of a stack of blocks. He flipped off onto his hind paws, waggled his front paws in the air and hopped in a circle before dropping back onto all fours.

The hall filled with applause.

"Well, we should be on our way," said Loki.

"Come again, if you have time," Hel said. She grinned at Duo.

Duo grinned back. "I'd be honored." On the way up the long hallway to the entrance portal, Duo clapped Loki on the back. "Nice daughter you have there, Loki. Quite open to experimentation. She was way more fun than Brunhilde."

Loki laughed wickedly. "You should not tell me such things. You know I'm bound to repeat it. And possibly embellish it."

"Don't get me in trouble! Brunhilde's a brute."

"Oh, I'm definitely repeating that!" Loki cackled. "Brunhilde thinks she's such a delicate thing. My hands are smaller than hers."

"She does have big hands," Duo agreed.

"And a moustache."

"I'm keeping my mouth shut."

Loki laughed again. "Here we are!" He stepped through the portal with the others and they found themselves back in the Asgard plains. Their horses were waiting for them patiently munching grass. "Let's go see Jormangand now. He doesn't get around much." They galloped across the plains to a series of low rolling hills. Loki led the way into them on a winding path until they crested a long rise and stopped facing a wide flat outcropping that rose just above their heads.

"That's weird," Duo said. "That rock looks kind of like scales."

Loki grinned. "It does, doesn't it?" He leaned forward from the back of his horse and knocked on the rock. "Wake up, Sleepyhead. You've got people riding all over your back and you just lie there like a chunk of the world."

A big green eye opened in the wall of rock and blinked at them. Then the whole rock stirred and lifted, shedding grass, moss, small stones, a few mice and several insects to reveal the enormous head of a snake. A vast mouth opened in a wide yawn and a long, thick, red tongue extended.

"Good day, Father," the snake rumbled in a deep hiss. "I was just dozing."

Duo backed up several paces. "This is Jormangand?"

"Yes," Loki said proudly. "Jormangand is the Midgard Serpent, the largest creature in existence." He indicated the hills through which they'd been riding. "What you see here is just his neck. The rest of him stretches underground and through the oceans. He encompasses the world a few times. When he moves, he causes earthquakes." Loki grinned. "Sometimes I tickle him just to see what gets shaken apart. The last time I did it, we created a new mountain range."

"And a new ocean," Jormangand reminded him.

"That's right! Jormangand, these are visitors to Asgard: Duo and Roku."

Jormangand bowed his head. "I am pleased to meet you."

Roku eyed the huge snake curiously. "That would be hard to do."

"What would?" asked Duo.

"Transforming into something that big."

Duo's eyes went round. "Please don't try it! Quatre will draw and quarter me!"

"I won't. Mr. Jormangand, how can you tell where all of you is? And what do you eat?"

"Truthfully, I can't always tell where my body extends. If I move I can feel it, but I don't move very often. I draw my nourishment from the earth and water in which I rest."

"That's good," said Duo, "or there wouldn't be any food left in the world."

Jormangand chuckled. "Quite so."

"Loki," Duo said curiously. "Um, I don't mean to pry… Well, yes I do. How did you manage to produce someone this big? I mean, who was his mother?"

"Well, I spent a few centuries in exile in the land of the ice giants in my youth and I took up with this very pleasant ogress named Angerboda. She gave me three children: Hel, Jormangand and Fenrir. The mixture of immortal and ogre blood produced some interesting results, as you can see."

"Indeed."

"I itch," Jormangand rumbled absently. A low rumble started somewhere a few hills away and then the ground began to shake under their feet. The hills rose, fell and shifted from side to side. "Ah, that's better. Sometimes the dirt gets in between my scales."

Roku giggled. "That was fun!"

"Not when you're sitting on a nervous horse!" Duo exclaimed. His horse was still prancing from foot to foot nervously. He rapped it on the head. "Stand still, stupid beast!" The horse went still.

Jormangand yawned again and lowered his head. "If you don't mind, I think I'll doze off for another year or two. I've only been napping for the last decade or so and I'm still a little tired."

"Of course, my son," Loki patted Jormangand on the nose. "I'll check on you later." The three of them made their way back down the slopes of Jormangand's neck. "Let's go see Fenrir next. I usually visit him every few days because he gets lonely otherwise and then he breaks loose and causes trouble."

"Breaks loose?"

"Fenrir is really just a big puppy, so he likes to chase things and chew on things and dig stuff up, but it annoys Odin so he keeps Fenrir chained up."

"That's mean," Roku muttered.

"I agree," said Loki, "so every now and then I let him loose so he can play."

They galloped across the plains again and then crossed a narrow bridge of stone over a wide, extremely deep canyon to reach a grassy meadow surrounded by high mountains. In the center of the meadow, a giant wolf was chained to a large stone. The wolf stood up and barked furiously when it saw them.

"Hush, Fenrir!" Loki called out. "I brought you some visitors today."

Fenrir dashed from side to side, wagging his tail furiously. They had to dismount because the horses were not interested in getting any closer to the giant wolf then just inside the edge of the meadow. When they had walked within range of the wolf's chain, Fenrir dashed forward and licked Loki from his boots to the top of his head with a big slobbery tongue that was wider than Loki's body.

Loki turned to the others with a strained smile, wiping wolf slobber off his face and shaking it from his hands. "This is Fenrir."

Duo stepped out of range of Fenrir's tongue. "He's quite a big fellow."

"Now this one I could do," Roku announced thoughtfully.

"Please don't."

"Maybe later."

Fenrir leaned forward and poked his nose at Roku, whining eagerly. Roku trotted forward and touched noses with Fenrir. Fenrir favored him with a slobbery kiss that left Roku's fur slick and dripping. Roku shook and slobber flew everywhere, spattering Duo and Loki.

"Thanks, Roku." Duo wiped slobber drops from his face.

Roku looked at Loki. "Can we play?"

"Certainly." Loki unhooked the chain from Fenrir's collar. Roku immediately dashed across the meadow at full speed with Fenrir in hot pursuit. "Isn't that sweet?"

"He won't hurt Roku if he catches him, will he?"

"Not intentionally."

"That doesn't give me a good feeling."

"Like I said, Fenrir's just a big puppy. He isn't really aware of his size and strength. He would probably still try to sit in my lap if I were foolish enough to sit down in his presence."

They watched as Fenrir crashed onto his own nose when he tried to follow Roku's sudden dash between Fenrir's legs and under his body.

"You realize, now that Roku knows the way here, he will probably come play with Fenrir when he's bored."

"That's all right. Fenrir loves company. Besides," Loki's wicked grin was even more wicked than usual, "if he accidentally lets Fenrir get outside this valley and wreak havoc across Asgard, it would be really funny."

"No wonder the other gods don't trust you."

"He wouldn't actually eat anyone. Maybe mouth them a little." Loki laughed suddenly. "And you have never seen anything as funny as Freya's face when she has wolf slobber plastering her hair to her body. I laughed myself into apoplexy that time."

Duo's lips twitched. "That does sound kind of funny."

"And then there was the time he gnawed all the gold decorations off the roof of Valhalla and dumped a pile of gold-flecked droppings right in front of the doors."

Duo had to stifle a laugh.

"But maybe the funniest thing was the time he ate Thor's hammer and Thor had to follow him around waiting for Fenrir to poop so he could dig through it and find Mjolnir. The pile was as big as Thor! He was coated in wolf shit! It was hysterical."

Duo finally burst out laughing. "Now _that_ I wish I had seen!"

Roku and Fenrir came dashing back. "We're hungry! When's dinner?"

"Let's go back to my house," Loki said. "You can meet my other son. We'll bring Fenrir because it always bugs my wife when I do that."

"You're married?" Duo lifted surprised eyebrows.

"Yeah, but don't hold it against me. I was young when I did it. I think she wants to reform me. Anyway, we'll just spend the night there and then head off to Jotunheim to visit the ice giants."

"Is that a good idea? The ice giants were trying to destroy the Midgard village we were in when we first arrived."

Loki grinned. "The giants like to drink, gamble, fight and have sex. They're your kind of people. How bad could it be?"

"Now I understand why everyone else gets nervous whenever I say that," Duo muttered.


	9. Midgard

_I'm sorry it took so long to post another chapter! I really have been busy! I swear! Makes big puppy eyes I promise I won't make you wait so long for the next one._

-o-o-o-

Chapter 9: **Midgard**

"You know, the smell isn't so bad once you get used to it," Trowa remarked.

Quatre's eyes were watering. "I think the lining in your nose has just burned away. My eyeballs are melting."

"You're a sorcerer, Quatre. Can't you do something about it?"

"What, like render these people incapable of excretion? What do you think we're smelling? One thousand years of human waste is probably piled up under our feet."

"This city isn't that old," Odin interrupted. "King Olaf's great-great grandfather founded it just over two hundred years ago."

"Oh great," Quatre muttered. "Only two hundred years of human waste…"

"Look!" Odin exclaimed. "Here is King Olaf's castle. It's not as impressive as Valhalla, but you'll find it comfortable indeed."

The castle was a towering structure of stone and wood featuring several large halls connected by wide hallways. The lower floor of each great hall was a vast open space where men and women feasted, gambled and otherwise went about their business. The upper floors contained dormitories and private rooms for important people. Several surrounding buildings connected to the main castle by covered walkways contained storerooms, work areas, kitchens, distilleries and a smithy.

"I think Camelot was bigger," Trowa remarked quietly to Quatre.

Odin led the way to the central hall in the castle, which was its largest.

"Doesn't it strike you as odd that no one's challenged us at all?" Quatre noted.

"It does seem weird to just walk into a king's castle like this," Trowa agreed.

Odin walked right up to a broad-shouldered man with a thick red beard and flung out his arms. "King Olaf! I have returned to enjoy your hospitality!"

"Mighty Odin!" King Olaf exclaimed. "You honor my humble castle!" He clasped Odin in a big bear-hug.

Odin struggled briefly to extricate himself and pointed at his two companions. "These two are my honored guests in Valhalla. I have brought them here to experience the joys and wonders of Midgard."

"Your guests are my guests," Olaf boomed. He clapped Trowa and Quatre on the shoulder with his two big hands, staggering them.

"You aren't by any chance related to Thor?" Quatre rubbed his suddenly bruised shoulder.

Olaf threw his head back and laughed mightily. "Many have asked me that, but to my knowledge my mother was faithful to my father until his death." He winked at them. "No telling what happened after that, though. Come, you're just in time for the midday meal." He led the way to the tables.

When they were seated, Odin leaned toward Olaf. "My friend Trowa here expressed an interest in sailing."

"Indeed?" Olaf's eyes sparkled. "Any man who loves the sea is a man after my own heart. A man isn't whole unless he's sailing, if you ask me. We'll take my longboat out this afternoon."

"That sounds interesting," Trowa said casually. "What about you, Quatre?"

"Oh, I think Quatre should stay here," Odin said. He smiled innocently. "We haven't yet begun to discuss magic, have we?"

"No we haven't."

Olaf looked from Odin to Quatre. "Are you a sorcerer, sir?" He eyed Quatre nervously.

"You could say that," Quatre replied.

"You must be something powerful if the mighty Odin is interested." Olaf shifted uncomfortably. "I should not want anything ill to befall my house."

Quatre smiled sweetly. "You have nothing to worry about, King Olaf. I never use magic to cause harm."

Trowa made a choking sound.

Quatre gave him a dark look.

"That is good to know," Olaf said uncertainly. He didn't look convinced.

"You have nothing to fear, Olaf," Odin said expansively. "The Father of all the gods is your guest. What harm could befall your house while I am here?"

"That's true." Olaf stroked his beard thoughtfully and then he brightened. "Well then, let's eat and go down to the wharves. You'll like my boat. She's the finest ever built."

They tucked into a tasty meal of roast mutton, fresh bread, boiled potatoes and roast chicken. Of course, every place was set with a brimming tankard of sweet mead.

"I don't like it," Trowa muttered to Quatre. "I don't want to leave you alone with Odin."

"I can take care of myself," Quatre whispered back. "Don't be so overprotective. I'm a Gundam pilot, same as you."

"Yeah, but what if he starts talking some foreign language you think is pretty? The last time that happened…"

Quatre frowned. "It was just that once. And I've gotten over that." He dipped his head and looked up at Trowa with enormous blue puppy eyes. "Don't you trust me?"

Trowa scrubbed a hand over his face. "Don't give me that look."

Quatre blinked once and made his eyes bigger.

"Dammit! Fine! I trust you!" Trowa picked up his tankard of mead and chugged three quarters of it.

"Is there a problem, Sir Trowa?" King Olaf asked.

"No!" Trowa drained his tankard and banged it on the table. "Let's go see this boat of yours."

"Yes!" Olaf surged to his feet and tipped up his tankard. He drained it in one long pull and smacked it down on the table. "To the sea!" He wrapped a burly arm around Trowa's shoulders and marched away, trailed by several other men all shouting and cheering.

Odin leaned toward Quatre. "Well now, it's just the two of us." He leered at Quatre suggestively. "Why don't we go somewhere more private for our discussion? You saw how Olaf reacted. We don't want to frighten his people by talking about magic in front of them."

Quatre regarded Odin suspiciously. "I suppose."

"Good!" Odin led the way from the great hall and up a flight of stairs. He took Quatre to a large room on the second floor with comfortable piles of cushions on the floor around a low table. "Isn't this nice?" Odin flopped down on the cushions. "Come sit beside me."

Quatre sat down on the opposite side of the table. "This is fine. So, where do you want to begin?"

Odin grinned at him. "Let me begin by saying how utterly lovely you are, young Quatre. Such delicate beauty as you possess deserves to be favored by the sweetest caresses and the softest kisses. Why don't you come and sit next to me?"

Quatre frowned. "I thought you wanted to talk about magic."

"And so we shall." Odin moved around the table and snuggled up against Quatre's back, wrapping his arms around him. "Right after I entertain myself with your loveliness."

"Odin," Quatre growled, "I think I should warn you that this is a very bad idea."

"Beautiful Quatre," Odin murmured in his ear, "I am the Father of the gods. What harm can your sorcery do me? I have only to wave my hand and your spells will be as nothing."

"Is that so?" Quatre looked over his shoulder at Odin and growled, "_Vos imperiti effeminare apud mammillae grandis!_"

Odin grunted. "What words do you speak?" he said and stopped. His voice sounded oddly high-pitched. Suddenly, he pushed away from Quatre and stared down at his chest. Two enormous breasts pushed tight against the inside of his tunic. "What have you done!" Odin grabbed the big breasts and muttered hastily under his breath. Nothing happened. Then his face went pale and he grabbed his crotch. His mouth fell open and every last trace of color drained away. "What have you done?"

Quatre grinned wickedly. "Let's see you force yourself on me without the equipment, old woman!"

Odin jumped to her feet and began dancing about wildly, alternately smacking at the big breasts, which bounced up and down quite dramatically throughout her antics, and grabbing at her dismayingly flat crotch.

Quatre leaned back against the table and watched.

Odin stopped and pointed at him. "You…! You…! This is not possible! I am a god! You cannot cast a spell on me!"

Quatre examined his fingernails. "So break it."

Odin threw her hands up in the air and roared, "I am Odin! No power on Earth can touch me!" She waved her hands dramatically. Her big tits swayed from side to side.

Quatre pursed his lips. "Doesn't look like it worked, old lady."

Odin pointed a shaking finger at Quatre. "You will undo whatever you have done, or… or…"

"Or what?" Quatre lifted an eyebrow. "You'll smother me with your boobs?"

"Argh!" Odin collapsed to her knees and buried her face in her hands. "I am Odin! This is not happening! When I look up, all will be as it was." Odin opened her eyes. Long gray hair spilled down around her shoulders. Her big breasts strained against the seams of her tunic.

"Look at the bright side," Quatre said. "You've got all those men living in Valhalla. You shouldn't have any trouble getting laid. At least when they're drunk."

Odin blinked at him. "Please! Have pity on me! I can't go back to Valhalla like this."

"Stay here then. I'm sure King Olaf will be happy to entertain you."

Odin went pale. "I have to get out of here! I'll call Sleipnir and return to Asgard."

"We're not going anywhere until Trowa gets back." Quatre stood up. "Why don't you wait here? I'm going down to get another cup of mead."

Quatre was lounging in the great hall chatting idly with a couple of pretty maids when Trowa and Olaf returned. Quatre lifted his tankard in greeting. "How was sailing?"

"It was great!" Trowa plopped down next to Quatre. "Olaf's longboat is a real beauty. You wouldn't believe how fast she can move through the water propelled only by oars. I tried my hand at rowing for a while. What a workout!" Trowa paused and looked around. "Where's Odin?"

"Upstairs."

Trowa stared suspiciously at Quatre. "What happened?"

"I told you I could take care of myself."

"Oh no! What did you do?"

"Nothing permanent," Quatre chuckled wickedly. "But Odin doesn't know that."

Trowa put a hand over his face. "Quatre…"

"It serves him right."

"Roku said your transformation spell wouldn't work on him."

"I didn't transform him. I shifted him."

"What does that mean?"

"The sexes really aren't that far apart genetically, you know."

"You didn't…"

"It will do him good to spend a few days as a woman. He's such a lecher."

"Quatre! You turned Odin into a woman?"

"Yeah, with big tits."

"I shouldn't have left you alone with him." Trowa tried to look stern.

"You're smirking."

"I'm very angry with you, Quatre," Trowa said firmly, but his lips kept twitching.

"I can see that."

"You have to change him back."

"He'll change back on his own, eventually. Anyway, he wants to go back to Asgard."

"But we came all this way to learn more about Midgard."

"We can always come back." Quatre wrinkled his nose. "Or maybe visit a place that doesn't smell quite so bad."

"There's that."

"Anyway, let's stay for dinner. We can sneak Odin out after dark."

"Sounds good." Trowa took off his staff and dropped it on the floor. "Go keep an eye on Odin, would you?"

"Of course, Master," the snake hissed and it slithered off, keeping out of sight under the tables.

It was well after midnight when Trowa and Quatre escorted Odin back out to the field where Sleipnir had dropped them off. Odin alternated between weeping pitifully and angrily demanding that Quatre restore her.

"Geez! Quit whining!" Quatre exclaimed. "I spent several days as a woman getting violated every which way and I didn't whine as much as you."

"But I am Odin! And what did you tell King Olaf?"

"We said something had come up in Asgard that required your attention," Trowa replied patiently. "He doesn't know. So whistle up this horse of yours and let's get out of here."

Odin put her fingers to her lips and uttered a piercing whistle. After a few minutes, the thunder of Sleipnir's hooves could be heard. The great gray stallion galloped up to them and skidded to a halt. Then he fixed his big brown eyes on Odin with a look of equine shock and tossed his head up and down.

Trowa burst out laughing.

"What did he say?" Quatre inquired.

"He said Odin makes one butt-ugly woman."

"What!" Odin exclaimed.

Quatre snickered.

"I am the Father of the gods!" Odin grumbled under her breath.

The three of them leaped onto Sleipnir's back and the stallion charged up into the sky, his eight legs churning the clouds.

"You will speak of this to no one!" Odin ordered sternly. "Once I stand again in the plains of Asgard, I shall be restored and then my retribution shall fall!"

"Give it a rest, Odin!" Trowa cried over the rushing wind. "It's not like you're the first person to end up on the wrong side of one of Quatre's spells. It will wear off. And you shouldn't have tried to force him. Quatre's particular."

"A mere mortal should be honored to earn the favor of the gods!"

"Quatre is no mere mortal," Trowa said proudly. "Anyway, just keep in mind that Quatre's power is completely dwarfed by Roku's. You don't want to upset him by threatening his Mama."

"Roku would never hurt anyone!" Quatre interjected immediately.

"We've never seen him angry, Quatre."

"Good point."

"You say the spell will wear off?" Odin grumbled.

"Eventually. I think. Although it's not really a transformation, so…"

"What!"

"Don't worry. It will be fine. Trust me."

Another beautiful dawn in Asgard was lightening the sky when they landed in front of Valhalla. Odin immediately scurried for the door, obviously hoping no one would see her. She was out of luck. As she pulled the vast door panel open, Thor appeared on the other side.

"What ho, old woman?" Thor thundered. Then he peered more closely. "What are you doing in Odin's tunic?"

Odin drew herself up. "I am Odin, you imbecile!"

Thor stared with his mouth hanging open.

Sleipnir collapsed onto his back, waving his legs in the air and snickering loudly.

Odin flushed a deep red. "I decided to view the world from a woman's point of view," she declared grandly. "In my vast capacity as the Father of the gods, it is only right that I expand my omnipotent knowledge by…" She stopped in shock.

Thor poked one of her big breasts experimentally. "It's real!" He grabbed Odin's tits and squeezed, massaging the big boobs up and down. "Amazing! They feel just like real breasts!"

Odin slapped Thor's hands away. "They are real, you jackass! Quit fondling me!"

"Uh, right!"

Trowa pointed a shaking hand. "Feel her up some more, Thor! She hasn't got balls either!"

Thor's eyes went round and he immediately clapped a big meaty hand between Odin's legs. "I'll be damned!"

"Eeep!" Odin squeaked. She leaped backward.

Trowa collapsed to the ground, laughing hysterically.

Quatre put a hand over his mouth, trying without success to stifle his laughter.

"You will not treat me this way!" Odin declared. "I am the Father of the gods…"

"You look more like the Mother of the gods right now," Thor remarked innocently.

"I will have your head for that!" Odin shrieked. "Where is my sword?"

"Now, now!" Thor held up his hands. "Let's not get all excited…"

"What's all the commotion about out here?" A few heroes drifted out of the hall. "Who's this old woman?"

"I am not an old woman!" Odin screamed.

More and more people began wandering outside, until a large crowd of heroes and gods had surrounded Odin.

"Ho, Frig!" Thor called. "I think your husband will have to shirk his duties for a few nights."

"He's always shirking his duties," Frig replied stiffly as she came out of the hall. "He's gone off to Midgard to play with that pretty blond boy Frey brought."

"No, he's back," Thor pointed, "and wearing teats bigger than yours."

Frig stared. "What is the meaning of this, Odin? Is this yet another way for you to avoid performing your husbandly duties with me?"

"It's nothing like that," Odin said quickly. "It's just a brief experiment…"

A couple of heroes leered at him. "It looks real enough," said one. A curious hand pinched Odin's bottom. "Shall we go a few rounds in the name of science?"

"Stop that!" Odin slapped the hand away. "I am the master of Valhalla. You will show proper respect!"

"I'm feeling very respectful."

"Me too."

The heroes began crowding closer.

"You can't really be Odin."

"Yeah, we can't have you running around calling yourself Odin and tarnishing his reputation."

"That's right. You need to be shown your proper place."

"What are you doing?" Odin squealed. "Get your hands off me! Thor! Stop them! Help me!"

Thor stood back and folded his arms across his massive chest. "Well now, what if they're right and you're not really Odin?"

"I AM ODIN!" Odin shouted and then she disappeared under a wave of groping hands.

Trowa gasped for breath. "Quatre! You really should change him back before they…"

"Why?" Quatre smiled innocently. "Think of it as poetic justice for all the women and boys he's violated over the centuries. Shall we go back to Frey's house and see how the others are doing?"

"Sure." Trowa staggered to his feet.

But before they could leave, Thor clapped big hands on their shoulders and stopped them. "So is that Odin or not?" he rumbled.

"It's Odin," Quatre said.

Thor stared suspiciously. "You had something to do with this, I think."

Quatre blinked innocently. "I could explain it to you if you like."

Thor paled. "That's all right!" He released them quickly. "I don't need to hear it! Go about your business. I'll take care of Odin before this gets out of hand." Thor weighed into the crowd, clouting men aside casually. "Enough of this! Stop at once, I say!" He reached down into the mass of men and yanked Odin up and over one shoulder. The disheveled Father of the gods was swearing furiously and promising diving retribution to all and sundry. Thor smacked her on the butt. "Calm down, Odin. Let's go inside and have some breakfast and you can explain the purpose of your experiment to everyone but me."

Odin continued to swear as Thor carried her inside.

Trowa put an arm around Quatre's shoulders. "You really are going to have to apologize to him later."

"Yeah, I suppose so."

"You really have to stop turning people into stuff when they tick you off."

"Oh, like you're not glad I did it." Quatre punched him gently in the ribs. "You were afraid I'd let him get away with something."

"Well…"

"Admit it."

Trowa grinned. "Ok, I admit it. Let's go back to Frey's house. I want to find some place quiet and see how much I can get away with."

Quatre lifted an eyebrow at him.

"You owe me for the puppy eyes earlier."

Quatre chuckled. "Oh, very well. But I want breakfast and a nap first. I didn't get any sleep last night."

"Sounds good to me."


	10. Freya Gets Her Way, Sort Of

Chapter 10: **Freya Gets Her Way, Sort Of**

Freya rapped politely on the door to the room Zechs and Treize were sharing. "Gentlemen, is there anything I can do for you?"

Treize opened the door and peeked out. "Thank you for asking, Freya, but we're fine."

"No we aren't!" Zechs groaned from inside. "I hate this! I keep throwing up! It sucks!"

Freya pushed a little rudely past Treize so she could see Zechs. "But surely you are past the first trimester. You look so large. Women normally get over this phase after the first trimester."

Zechs stared accusingly at Treize. "Did you hear that? I'm huge! I told you so!" And then he doubled over, retching helplessly.

"You poor dear!" Freya exclaimed, but she didn't sound very sympathetic.

Treize rolled his eyes. "Zechs, my love, you look wonderful. It is only natural for you to be a little round at this stage…"

"A little round!" Zechs put his hands on his protruding midsection and blinked tearfully. "I'll never have a flat stomach again! I'll be fat and flabby and…"

"Hush!" Treize put his arms around him and pulled Zechs' head onto his shoulder. "I'll still love you, even if you end up with a plump tummy."

"Waahhh!" Zechs wailed.

Treize groaned. "He's normally not like this," he said to Freya. "He's usually very stoic and manly. I think it's the hormones."

"Perhaps he's getting close to his time."

Frey appeared in the doorway. "What's all this? Is poor Zechs still feeling ill?"

"A little bit," Treize said, sounding a little tired.

"I have just the thing for an upset stomach," Frey announced. He swept into the room and handed Zechs a twig with three tiny green leaves on it. "Eat the leaves, it will settle your stomach."

"Really?" Zechs sniffed.

"Is that safe for the baby?" asked Treize.

"Don't you want me to feel better?" Zechs demanded accusingly.

"Yes!" Treize said quickly. "Go ahead, eat them."

Zechs plucked a leaf off the branch and nibbled it. He blinked for a moment and then ate the rest of the leaf. Then he quickly plucked the other two leaves and munched them down. He beamed at Frey. "Oh, thank you, Frey! I feel so much better. Maybe I can even eat something now."

"Wonderful!" Frey trilled. "Why don't you come with me? I have a wonderful bit of sweet bread pudding; just the thing to soothe a troubled digestion."

Zechs stood up and took Frey's arm. "You are so thoughtful, Frey."

"Anything for you, my beauty."

Treize watched them leave with an annoyed expression, but he looked relieved too.

"Now that he's taken care of," Freya said sweetly, "why don't we go for a walk? Wouldn't you like to go outside for a little while?"

"Yes, I would," Treize sighed. "His mood swings are getting a little hard to take."

Freya looped her arm through his and guided him outside. "Men are not meant to carry young."

"So it would seem," Treize said absently. "Mind you, I still adore him without measure, but how many times must I tell him he doesn't look fat?"

"He is very big right now," Freya remarked wickedly.

"Don't start!" Treize exclaimed. "If he hears you, he'll cry for hours."

"On another subject then," said Freya, "have you never considered devoting your affection to a woman?" She blinked at him with large doe-like eyes.

"Um…" said Treize.

"You have!" Freya pounced on his hesitation. "You have loved a woman before! Why then are you with another man? Surely a woman is more suitable for a gentleman of your clearly exceptional prowess. Why don't you spend a few moments with me and let me remind you how sweet a woman's love can be?"

"Uh… That's ok…" Treize pulled his arm out of Freya's grasp and backed up a few paces. "It would be ungentlemanly of me to betray Zechs while he's carrying my child…"

Freya stalked toward him slowly. "But you would if he wasn't?" she urged. "But he won't be pregnant forever, and while he is, how can he satisfy your needs?" She wrapped her arms around his neck. "You must be aching with unfulfilled desire. I am more than ready to satisfy your every whim." She moved her mouth toward his.

Treize panicked. He grabbed her soft, womanly arms, yanked them from around his neck and shoved her away. Freya rather unceremoniously fell onto her shapely butt.

"No thank you!" Treize said firmly. "Zechs keeps me more than satisfied, even fat and moody!"

"You think I'm fat and moody!"

Zechs and Frey stood a dozen paces down the trail. Treize flushed and then went pale.

"We, ah, thought perhaps you might want to join us for tea," Frey said with a sickly grin on his face.

Zechs stared at Treize while big tears welled up in the corners of his beautiful blue eyes.

"That's not what I meant!" Treize exclaimed in a panic. "I was just saying…"

"That I'm fat and moody and you'd rather do it with her!" Zechs pointed a trembling finger at Freya and burst into tears. Then he turned and fled back toward the house.

"By all that's holy!" Treize roared. "Now look what you've done!" he shouted at Freya. He raced after Zechs. "Zechs! Wait! You know I love you! Please!"

Frey looked after them. "Well, dear sister, it looks as though you've been rejected rather firmly."

Freya stood up with a very unattractive scowl on her face. "These are not normal men! A woman as beauteous as I would never be scorned like this by normal men!" Furiously, she straightened her gown and stamped off through the trees, muttering in a most unladylike way.

Treize caught up with Zechs just in time to get locked out of their cottage.

"Zechs! Let me in!"

"No! You don't love me anymore because I'm fat and moody!"

Treize pounded on the door. "Please let me explain! Stop being foolish!"

"So I'm fat, moody _and_ foolish!"

Treize slumped to the ground. "Zechs, you're killing me! You know I love you. Please let me in."

After a moment, Zechs opened the door. "I hate feeling like this. I'm either throwing up or crying. Quatre really owes me big time."

Treize embraced him. "It will stop once you have the baby."

"I hope so. Maybe I just need to get laid."

"That would certainly make me feel better."

"You could have done it with Freya."

"No I couldn't." Treize kissed Zechs on the nose. "You know I can't get it up for anyone but you."

"Really?"

"Really."

Zechs giggled. "Why don't you lock the door?"

"I thought you were hungry."

"I'm hungry for something else right now."

Treize nuzzled his neck. "Can I strip you naked? I want to kiss your big round belly."

"Treize!"

"It gets me hot."

Zechs giggled again. "You're such a pervert!"

"Um hm," Treize agreed. "And I want to do all kinds of sick and perverted things to you right now. Like this."

"Ooohhh!"

"And this."

"Aaahhh!"

"And then there's always this, which is a personal favorite of mine."

"Oh, Treize!" Zechs groaned. "Go ahead, have your way with me. That feels so good."

Outside the closed door, Frey sighed. "I guess I'm having tea alone today."

Across the valley, Heero and Wu-Fei engaged in what Freya would probably have considered a much more manly pursuit. The clanging of their swords as they sparred echoed under the trees.

"You're getting lazy, Fei!" Heero shouted. "That's the third time you've let your scales deflect a strike instead of using your sword."

"I like to use all the weapons at my disposal," Wu-Fei retorted and he shot a jet of flame at Heero's face.

"Bastard!" Heero cried. He ducked under the flame and came up swinging. Wu-Fei turned the blow with his sword and executed a swift counterstrike. Heero deflected it and crashed his sword into Wu-Fei's back, but this time he turned the blade so the flat cracked across Wu-Fei's scales instead of the edge. Instead of skittering across the scales like previous hits, the blow landed cleanly and Wu-Fei was tumbled across the clearing by the impact. "Ha!"

Wu-Fei rolled onto his knees, wheezing. "That one knocked the wind out of me!" he gasped.

Heero rested his sword tip on the ground. "See? Relying on the scales isn't a good thing. Emergencies only, right?"

"Right," Wu-Fei nodded breathlessly. He climbed unsteadily to his feet. "Let's take a break. I need a drink of water."

"Ok."

They sat down side by side on a fallen log and took turns drinking from the canteen they'd brought with them.

"What do you suppose the heroes are doing on their day off?" Wu-Fei wondered.

"Probably eating and fucking," Heero snorted. "Like you need a whole day for that. Lazy bums."

"Duo would call that the perfect day."

"'Cause he's a lazy bum."

"But you've got to admit: he's raised eating, drinking and fucking to an art form."

"If you say so."

Wu-Fei reached over his shoulder and scratched. "Dang, I'm starting to itch. Do you mind if I go back to Heimdall's now? I think I'd like to take a bath and get thoroughly oiled."

"Sure, go ahead. I think I'll just run through a few dozen katas to wind down."

"Later."

After Wu-Fei was gone, Heero started going through his forms. He'd just finished the seventh when polite applause and a sparkling laugh surprised him. He turned around to find Freya standing behind him.

"You make combat look like a beautiful dance, Master Heero," Freya said. "It is a pleasure to watch you."

"Ah, thanks."

"Please don't let me disturb you. Continue with your exercises." Freya took a graceful seat on the log and fixed her eyes on him.

Heero decided to ignore her and continue with his practice. After he'd finished a few more forms, he looked over to find Freya still sitting on the log.

"Isn't this kind of boring for you?"

"Not at all." Freya favored him with a stunning smile. "Your body is in such perfect condition; I enjoy watching you move. You must have incredible stamina."

"Uh, yeah."

"Is this the only thing you do for exercise?" Freya leaned forward and her gown gaped open, revealing her deep cleavage. "Isn't there anything else you like to do to work up a sweat?"

Heero paled. "Um… well… I… ah…"

"Oh, come now," Freya sparkled. "I've heard the story of how young Roku came into being. You had a part in that. Perhaps your manliness might fill me as it did your handsome blond friend."

Heero took a step backward. "I thought you wanted Treize…"

Freya flipped her hair back over her shoulder and frowned. "Treize isn't interested in anyone but his pretty lover. I can't get him to look at me." She put her hands under her breasts and lifted them. "But you can see these, can't you?"

Heero backed up another step. "They're, ah, quite large… But you see I'm not really into that kind of thing and…"

"No!" Freya jumped to her feet. "I will have no more of this nonsense. It's all very well and good for men to entertain each other when there's nothing else to do, but when it's time to father children, they need to just get on with it and plant their seeds in women!" She pointed an imperious finger at Heero. "You will produce an erect member right now and service me without delay!"

"What!"

Freya stamped up to Heero and yanked down his pants. "Aha! I knew it! Look at that! If that mighty oak cannot get me with child, nothing can." She hiked her dress up over her hips, revealing very shapely thighs and a round, pert bottom. Then she grabbed hold of Heero and started rubbing briskly. The more she rubbed, the rounder her eyes got. "In Odin's name!" she cried. "How much bigger will it get?"

"Ah, Miss Freya!" Heero gasped. "Please stop doing that!"

"Not a chance!" she cried, "Not until I have experienced the full length and breadth of this instrument of sexual power! I can only imagine the flood of manly seed you will produce! My juices are flowing just at the thought of it!" She whirled around and dropped onto her hands and knees. "Look, is not this sight familiar enough to arouse your passions? Just aim a little lower and give me the full benefit of your mighty shaft! Have pity on me, I beseech you."

"Oh, hell!" Heero exclaimed and he dropped onto his knees and grabbed Freya by the hips.

"Yes!" Freya cried. Her breasts bounced back and forth, finally spilling out of her dress entirely. "Oh! Oh! Oh!"

"Unh! Unh! Unh!" Heero grunted.

"Ahhh!" they cried together.

"Magnificent!" Freya exclaimed. "I know that will do the trick." She climbed to her feet, pushed her dress back down and shoved her boobs back in. "Be honored, should it come about that your offspring should sit at the table of the gods."

"Right…" Heero muttered. He pulled his pants up. "Can we not mention this to anyone please? I'd just as soon no one knew about this."

"Why not? It is an honor to enjoy the favors of the renowned Freya. Your friends will brim with jealousy." She planted a warm kiss on Heero's cheek. "Until we meet again." And she swayed off through the trees, walking a little stiffly.

"Oh crap! They're never gonna let me forget this if they find out. Maybe she won't say anything."

Heero was not in luck.

At dinner that night in Valhalla, Freya marched right up to him, planted a firm kiss on his cheek and murmured warmly, but rather loudly, into his ear, "Thank you again, Master Heero! I just know your seed is germinating in my womb at this very moment. I would not say no should you wish to tumble me again." And then she strolled off to her seat at the high table, swaying her hips gracefully.

Wu-Fei and Heimdall stared at Heero.

"Heero," said Wu-Fei, "did you do it with Freya?"

"Well, you see, it was like this…"

"You did!" Heimdall exclaimed, stricken. "Where is the justice?" he cried. "I, who have worshiped her every day for a thousand years, have barely savored the sweet tenderness of lying on her soft bosom and you have already cushioned your head there?"

"I didn't exactly lie on her…"

"Doggie-style, huh?" Wu-Fei guessed.

Heero shrugged. "She went for the familiar position."

"Good call on her part."

"How can you stand there discussing her charms so dispassionately?" Heimdall wailed. He buried his face in his hands. "This is so unfair!"

Wu-Fei patted his shoulder. "Take it easy, Heimdall. If Heero did knock her up, maybe she'll unwind a little bit and give you a ride."

"Look, Fei," Heero whispered. "You won't mention this to anyone, will you? Especially Duo, right?"

"Why, was it your first time?"

"No!"

"I meant with a girl."

"No, it was not!"

Wu-Fei grinned. "Yes it was! And Duo would so totally rub Relena's nose in it."

Heero hung his head. "What's your price?"

"Duo's been gone or preoccupied since yesterday. I'm feeling kind of neglected."

"What? You're always complaining about how many times he does you."

"I've gotten used to it. I kind of miss it." He raised his eyebrows. "So I get your undivided attention tonight, right? I want at least three good ones. Maybe four."

"Deal. And this thing with Freya stays between us."

"No one will hear it from me," said Wu-Fei. "But if he finds out from someone else, it's not my fault." He grabbed Heero's hand. "Let's eat. I want to get back to Frey's and start collecting my payment."

But no sooner had they sat down then Brunhilde appeared at their table, glaring fixedly at Heero.

"So tell me, mighty Heero," she demanded, "what kind of man are you? I had thought you were a great warrior, but now I learn you find pleasure in the perfumed and scented bower of a fine lady's chamber."

Heero went pale. "Uh… What are you talking about?"

"You know what I'm talking about!" Brunhilde planted her hands on her hips. "Just yesterday I offered you my womanly charms and you rejected me in favor of that soft and pampered goddess!" She pointed an angry finger at Freya. Freya pursed her lips and blew Brunhilde a little kiss. Brunhilde's face turned beet red. "How can you lie with a woman who would taunt a proven warrior like me?"

"I didn't… exactly… lie with her…" Heero stuttered.

"Be calm, Brunhilde," Heimdall put in. "Freya is the goddess of love and beauty. What man alive could resist her?"

"Who indeed?" Brunhilde grinned maliciously. "Except perhaps that handsome gentleman Treize who dumped her on her ass rather than be touched by her mushy lips."

Freya jumped to her feet. "How dare you!" she cried. "No such thing happened!"

"Oh yes it did!" Brunhilde shouted back. "I saw it with my own eyes. You offered him a kiss and he shoved you away."

"Why you… you… steel-breasted whore!"

"Saggy-titted cow!"

"Argh!" Freya screamed and she leaped over the table and charged at Brunhilde. Brunhilde met her with a firm slap. Freya retaliated by yanking on Brunhilde's braids. And then the catfight really got started. Instantly, the heroes were on their feet, making bets and shouting encouragement to the combatants. When Brunhilde drew a knife, someone deftly disarmed her so she would have to fight with her hands.

"Shouldn't someone stop them?" Wu-Fei suggested.

"Nah," a nearby warrior responded. "The last time this happened, Freya ended up naked and we all got a hefty eyeful."

"Oh."

Heimdall hung his head. "My beautiful Freya…"

"Look at the bright side," Heero said. "After this, she may be anxious to prove her attractiveness. A few well-turned phrases may get you laid for the rest of the night."

Heimdall perked up. "You think so?"

"Definitely," Wu-Fei nodded. "Say something like her beauty outshines Brunhilde like the sun washes away the night and she'll be on you till dawn."

"I would feel guilty taking advantage of such a situation…"

"That's why you never get laid, Heimdall," Heero stated.

"I'd have to agree with that," Wu-Fei added.

Heimdall rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "Well, I suppose..."

Heero grabbed his shoulder and shoved him toward the fight. "Better get in there before someone else thinks of it. It looks like she's losing anyway."

In fact, Brunhilde now had the mostly naked Freya pinned to the floor and was straddled across her midsection. She had a fistful of Freya's tangled golden tresses and was using it to smack Freya's head against the floor while cackling wildly.

"That's enough!" Heimdall cried. He grabbed Brunhilde around the waist and flung her aside. "Come, Freya, let me take you home." He scooped the sobbing and swearing goddess up in his arms and shouldered his way through the throng. "Make way! Get out of the way you louts!"

"He's going to get fucked senseless," Wu-Fei remarked casually.

"Yup."

"You realize, of course, now everyone knows you humped Freya. There's no way Duo won't find out."

Heero nodded glumly. "Yeah."

"I still think I deserve to get laid. I would have kept your secret."

"You're an honorable man, Wu-Fei."

"Damn right."

Heero sighed. "Let's go. I think I've lost my appetite."

"Great! That leaves more time for a little man-on-man."

"How do I get into these messes?"

"Too much honest living, Duo would say."


	11. Jotunheim

_I have to confess I took a slight liberty a few chapters back regarding Fenrir. Wolves don't bark normally, unless they learn it from dogs. In the wild, they mostly just whine, growl, howl and occasionally yip. But I thought it would be funnier if he barks, so he does. So there._

-o-o-o-

Chapter 11: **Jotunheim**

The morning that Quatre and Trowa returned to Valhalla with the womanly Odin, Loki, Duo and Roku arrived at Frey's house looking for Heero. They found most of the group in the main hall, discussing events from the previous day.

Loki stopped dead in his tracks and began to cackle wildly when he realized what they were talking about. "In sooth, Master Quatre? Did you really turn Odin into a woman?"

Quatre managed to look a little guilty. "It should only be temporary."

Loki did a happy back flip. "I must go and see! This worked out even better than I expected. To view Odin in such a state is worth any inconvenience. I'll just dash over to Valhalla before we leave for Jotunheim." He bounded out the door, still giggling.

"You're going to Jotunheim?" Trowa asked.

"Yes," said Duo. "That's why we stopped by. We came to see if anyone else would like to go."

"That might be fun."

"What's in Jotunheim?" Heero grunted.

"Ice giants."

"Really?" Heero perked up.

"Sounds interesting," agreed Wu-Fei.

"Loki says ice giants are a party crowd."

"What is this about ice giants?" Freya demanded imperiously. She entered the room leaning on Heimdall's arm and walking rather stiffly.

Heimdall was looking very content.

"We're going to Jotunheim with Loki," Duo said.

Freya sniffed. "Ice giants are nothing but ruffians! All they do is drink, gamble and fight." She delicately took a seat.

Duo grinned. "Oh yeah, I am so totally going to Jotunheim!"

Freya beamed at Heero. "Good morning, my dear Heero. How are you today?"

"Uh, I'm, uh, fine." Heero busied himself eating porridge.

Duo stared. "Heero never eats porridge."

"I like porridge!" Heero insisted around a big mouthful.

Wu-Fei almost choked on his goat milk.

Heero glared at him.

"I didn't say anything!" Wu-Fei protested.

"All right!" Duo planted his hands on his hips. "What the hell's going on?" He glared at Heero and Wu-Fei.

"Nothing," Wu-Fei said innocently.

"Liar."

"Sweet Heero!" Freya batted her eyelashes at him. "Why keep secret such wondrous news? Dear Heimdall's attentions notwithstanding, I am certain it is your seed which germinates in my womb this morning."

Duo's eyes bugged out. "What! Heero, have you been banging Freya?"

"No! Not really…"

"Don't be so modest, Heero," Freya cooed. "Your manliness I'm sure puts them all to shame."

"Well, that's true enough," Duo agreed, "but still! I was only gone for a day!"

"I didn't plan it!" Heero said defensively. He turned red. "It was an accident. Like you and Brunhilde."

"I see…" Duo said slowly. "So she overpowered you."

Quatre and Trowa snickered.

"Yeah!"

Everyone glanced at the slender and delicate Freya. Then they all turned to regard Heero. His flush crept up until the tops of his ears were red.

"That's what happened and I'm sticking with it!"

"Ok, but it's your own fault," Duo exclaimed righteously. "When you deny yourself regular healthy doses of Duo, just about anything starts to look good. If you'd been fucking me three or four times a night like I recommend, this would never have happened."

"Duo!" Quatre exclaimed. "Can you be more discrete in front of Roku?"

Roku, however, had most of his face in a bowl of porridge at that moment and gave no sign that he had heard.

Duo plopped down next to him. "Good idea, Roku. May as well have another breakfast while we wait for Loki to get back."

"Another breakfast?" Wu-Fei exclaimed.

"We had breakfast at Loki's before we left. His wife's a pretty good cook."

"Loki's married!" Trowa, Quatre, Heero and Wu-Fei exclaimed in unison.

"Yes," Freya replied archly, "although what she sees in him is anyone's guess."

"She's pretty nice," Duo continued, "but she does put up with a lot. We left Fenrir there and he was busily dragging her clean laundry through the mud when we took off."

Freya paled. "Fenrir is loose?"

"Yeah. But Sleipnir came over to play with him, so he probably won't come this way until the afternoon. Apparently, he likes marking the door posts at Valhalla, which is what usually gets him chained up. But if Odin's hiding out to keep people from seeing his new tits, Fenrir may be loose for a while."

"Then I am not leaving this house!" Freya declared.

"I shall be happy to remain at your side," Heimdall said gallantly.

"He's milking that for all it's worth," Wu-Fei noted.

"If you get on a roll…" Heero said.

"So who wants to go to Jotunheim?" Duo asked.

"I'll go," said Heero.

"Me too," said Wu-Fei.

Quatre clasped Trowa's hand. "We'll go, too."

Roku licked the last of the porridge from his bowl. "Do you think Mr. Treize and Mr. Zechs would like to go?"

"I'll ask." Duo hopped up and trotted off.

He returned moments later with Treize and Zechs in tow. Frey trotted along after them.

"Jotunheim is an interesting place," Frey was saying. "I'm sure you'll find a visit there quite educational. I'd accompany you, but except for Loki, we gods don't get along very well with ice giants."

Loki burst into the room, giggling hysterically. "Quatre, you are my most favorite person ever! Odin's teats are huge! He makes Frig look like a boy. Even Brunhilde's mighty chest is dwarfed beside him. I nearly wet myself." He collapsed beside Duo and flung an arm around him.

"I wonder if I should go over there and change him back?" Quatre muttered.

"You said it would wear off," Trowa murmured back.

"Well…" Quatre looked a little worried. "I've never actually shifted anybody before. I only thought of the spell after Roku said transformations might not work on gods."

"You think shifting might be permanent?"

"I don't know. I'm not sure."

"Ask Roku."

"Hey Roku," said Quatre, "do you think shifting will wear off like a transformation?"

Roku looked thoughtful. "Were you angry when you cast the spell?"

"Kinda."

"Then it probably will. But it may be kind of gradual."

"You mean Odin's bust will slowly shrink away?" Loki dissolved into more giggles.

Duo began to giggle too. "And his thingy will look like a little boy's?"

"Oh!' Loki clutched his stomach. "No more! I can't stand it!"

"What are you talking about?" Treize asked in a puzzled voice.

"Quatre turned Odin into a woman," Trowa said.

"Really?" Treize and Zechs regarded Quatre with lifted eyebrows.

"What is it about you and well-defined gender roles?" Zechs demanded.

"I think he's still pissed about the time he spent as a woman," Duo whispered to Loki.

"I heard that!" Quatre growled.

Duo blinked innocently.

"Anyway, Odin had it coming," Quatre defended himself. "At least I didn't hack him to bits, like Heero probably would have."

"Don't drag me into this!"

"Maybe we should go to Jotunheim now," Wu-Fei suggested.

"Good idea," Trowa agreed.

"Should we pack anything?" asked the ever-practical Treize.

"Besides what's already in Roku's storage space?" said Duo. "Loki said we'd only visit for a few days."

"We should take our furs," Zechs pointed out. "The ice giants live where it's freezing cold."

With that said, everyone hustled off to get their warmest clothes. Then they all gathered outside with Loki.

"Unlike Thor," Loki said, "I prefer the destination to the journey. So instead of dawdling along in a wagon, I use magic to get around. So…" He spoke a quick incantation, waved a hand, and they found themselves standing in the middle of a blinding snowstorm.

"Didn't we already do this?" Duo cried.

"This way!" Loki shouted and he led them into the wide mouth of a cave. After a dozen paces, torches appeared on the walls on either side and it got marginally warmer. After another dozen or so paces, a huge figure loomed up in their path.

"Who goes there?" a deep voice boomed.

"It's Loki," Loki said. "Is that you Boomrath?"

"Yes." Boomrath sounded mournful. "What brings you to Jotunheim?"

"I brought a few friends to enjoy the famous hospitality of the ice giants."

Boomrath peered at the others. "Humans?"

"Yes, but good people."

"Then welcome, all," Boomrath greeted them. "Sadly, you'll have to lift a mug for me. I'm stuck on guard duty tonight."

Loki laughed. "Who did you irritate?"

"King Kuffrit."

"Too bad. I'll put in a good word for you."

"You're a true friend, Lord Loki."

Loki led the way past Boomrath and continued further into the tunnel.

"How did you know Mr. Boomrath irritated someone, Mr. Loki?"

"Because that's the only time anyone is assigned to guard the entrance. Who do you think is likely to try to sneak into the realm of the ice giants?"

Roku chuckled. "No one, I guess. It is kind of cold here." He shook, fluffing out his fur and shedding a few last drops of melting snow.

The cave abruptly opened up into an enormous cavern. A few large fires and several dozen torches shed smoky yellow light that didn't quite reach the distant ceiling. The cavern was so big in fact that it managed to make the hairy towering giants that filled it from front to back and side to side look at first like normal-sized people.

"Are those giants all naked?" Zechs asked in surprise.

"It's a little warm in here for them," Loki acknowledged, "but they hate getting snow in their mead. You might see them throw on a fur cloak or a pair of boots if they have to go outside when the blizzard is really bad. Not like tonight. It's mild outside right now."

"It gets worse?"

Loki nodded.

"Damn!"

"Anyway," Loki rubbed his hands together, "I think we arrived at the right time. It looks like the party is just getting started."

In fact, it appeared that only three activities were going on in the cavern: eating, drinking and dicing.

Duo's eyes were shining.

"This isn't good," Wu-Fei said.

"Loki!" boomed a towering giant. Thick black and gray hair covered him from head to toe, leaving only his rosy cheeks, red nose and large black eyes exposed.

"King Kuffrit!" Loki shouted. He trotted up to the giant and was lifted in one massive hand so he could more conveniently shake the index finger of the giant's other hand.

"It's been too long since we last saw you in Jotunheim, Lord Loki," Kuffrit said in a more moderate tone. His voice still rattled their teeth.

"I know." Loki pointed at the others. "These humans are friends of mine who've been visiting in Asgard. They expressed a desire to meet the famous ice giants, so I brought them over."

"Friends of Lord Loki are always welcome here!" Kuffrit said heartily. "Good welcome to you all!" He beckoned them into the cavern. "Come! Eat and drink! Try your hand at dice."

Duo's grin couldn't have gotten any wider. "Thank you, King Kuffrit, don't mind if I do!"

"Here, tiny!" a nearby giant called out to Duo. "Wrap your lips around this if you can!" He handed Duo a tankard of mead that looked like a hogshead in his hands.

"To your health!" Duo cried, and he lifted the enormous tankard and started drinking. And kept drinking. And drank some more. And kept going until he had the mug tipped all the way up and had chugged the entire thing.

A dead silence had fallen all around him, spreading until the only sound heard in the entire cavern was the crackling of the fires and the snapping of the torches. Hundreds of pairs of giant eyes were fixed on the diminutive figure of Duo. As he lowered the tankard, a reverent gasp of awe signed through the cavern.

"Blessed be!" Kuffrit breathed. "I've never seen the like in my entire life!"

"That's a mighty sweet cup of mead," Duo said.

The giant who gave the cup to Dup scooped him up with one hand. "Come join us, little man! We have crispy fried whale blubber and fresh polar bear steaks to munch on while we throw the dice."

"Dice?" Duo said innocently. "I might be familiar with that game."

Quatre rolled his eyes. "Roku, keep an eye on him. And don't let him gamble away everything in your storage space."

"Ok Mama." Roku trotted away after Duo and his new giant friend.

Kuffrit put Loki down. "My table is this way. Please join me."

The rest of the group followed Kuffrit further into the cavern to a long table crowded with several giants.

"What ho, Kuffrit?" a shapely giantess called out. Like Kuffrit, she was covered with hair, although hers was an attractive reddish brown, but the hair did not conceal the femininity of her figure. "Since when do we let children feast in the main cavern?"

Kuffrit laughed. "These are human friends of Lord Loki, Baumgrit."

"Indeed?" She eyed the newcomers as big hands reached down to scoop them up and deposit them on the table amongst the trenchers, tankards and discarded bones.

Wu-Fei paled. "This table is not clean."

"Suck it up, Fei," Heero grumbled.

The young amber-haired giantess holding Zechs examined his round tummy and long hair curiously. "Are you a man or a woman, little creature?"

Zechs frowned. "I'm a man," he growled. He pointed an accusing finger at Quatre. "You can blame him for the confusion."

She blinked at Quatre. "That sweet boy?"

"Don't believe his innocent looks. That 'sweet boy' is a powerful sorcerer. He enchanted Odin."

Everyone stared at Quatre.

Quatre tried to look harmless. "He irritated me."

Several giants went pale, but Kuffrit guffawed loudly. "See there? And you complain when I make you stand guard duty." He waved a hand. "Fetch Boomrath in! I've got my good humor back now. Open a fresh barrel of mead. Let's have a drink."

"What is that?" Wu-Fei pointed queasily at a platter of what looked like giant strips of bacon.

"Fried whale blubber," Loki replied. He picked up a strip and tore off a chunk. "Try it; it's quite tasty."

"No thank you," Wu-Fei said faintly.

Heero accepted the chunk of fried fat and took a large bite. "Not bad. A little oily, but it's got an interesting flavor."

"The giants are great fishermen and hunters," Loki said. "They mostly eat whales and polar bears, but they make this really great stew out of lobsters, crabs and assorted fish."

"Sounds good."

Everyone sat down cross-legged on the table and started munching on whale and polar bear steaks, including Wu-Fei, who put on a brave face while he ate a portion of fairly well done polar bear.

"Perhaps you think it odd that cold-living creatures like ourselves prefer cooked meat," Baumgrit said, "but we are civilized creatures, after all."

"Of course," Treize said graciously.

"Those snobby gods and goddesses think we're savages," Baumgrit complained. She tossed a gnawed bone over her shoulder. "We're just as refined as they are."

"Absolutely," Treize agreed.

Baumgrit squinted at him. "You're not making fun of me, are you?"

"Absolutely not." Treize stood up and offered Baumgrit a deep bow. "I have lately been a guest at the tables of kings, lords and gods, and none was any finer or more gracious than what you offer here."

Baumgrit smiled and lifted her tankard of mead in a toast. "Courteously spoken, sir! To your health!" And she chugged her mead as skillfully as Duo.

"To your health!" the other giants echoed and they all chugged their mead.

"Another round!" Kuffrit cried and someone rolled over another barrel.

"Where do you get the mead?" Quatre asked. "I don't imagine you have a lot of beehives around here."

"We steal it from humans, of course!" Kuffrit laughed. Then he peered at Quatre. "You're a sorcerer, Loki said. Was it you that broke our spell the other day and caught us out in the sun?"

Quatre flushed. "I had a hand in it, yes."

Kuffrit chuckled. "And we were just about to knock over that village, too. They make the best mead in Midgard there. That was disappointing."

"And I had just got my hands on a couple of fat sheep!" Another giant called out.

"I'm still sunburned!" complained a third.

"Sorry about that," Quatre said, "but when you knock the buildings down, the humans end up freezing to death."

"But there're lots of them!" Baumgrit exclaimed. "They breed faster than cave lizards. If we didn't wipe out a village or two of them every now and then, all of Midgard would be overrun."

"She has a point," Wu-Fei said. "Overpopulation is a problem in the future."

"Don't you start!"

"Mama!" Roku hopped up onto the table. "Papa Duo wants to know if it's ok if he puts what he's winning in my storage space."

"What's he winning?" Quatre asked suspiciously.

"Mostly pretty stones and bits of gold. He says the pretty stones are opals."

"I guess that's ok."

"We use the stones for trading," said Kuffrit. "The humans like the bright colors."

"So if you have stuff to trade," asked Trowa, "why knock over the villages and steal?"

"Because it's fun."

"Oh."

"Show us a magic trick, Master Sorcerer!" cried the pretty amber-haired giantess. She still had Zechs cupped in the palm of her hand. He reclined lazily against her curled fingers with his feet dangling over the side.

"Yes! A trick! A magic trick!" several other giants cried out immediately. They crowded around and stared at Quatre expectantly.

Quatre stood up. "Well…" He thought for a moment and then held out his hand. "_Novi inlustris apparere_!" A shimmering white flame appeared above his palm.

"Oooohhhh!" The giants all squealed in unison. "How pretty!"

"And it's not hot," Quatre said. He tossed the ball of fire at Kuffrit.

Kuffrit flinched back and then reached out to poke a tentative finger at the light floating in front of his face. "Blessed be!" he exclaimed. Other giants leaned forward to poke curious fingers into the flame.

"It's brighter than the torches," Baumgrit noted. "And there's no smoke." She eyed Quatre hopefully. "Maybe you could teach us this spell?"

"Sure." Quatre repeated the phrase and Baumgrit echoed him, her hand stretched out. A flicker of flame appeared briefly above her palm and winked out.

"I almost did it!"

"Try again. Put more will into it."

"_Novi inlustris apparere_!" Baumgrit spoke firmly and a big ball of pale yellow light appeared. She laughed happily and tossed the flame up toward the ceiling. She did it again and then other giants started copying her. Soon the ceiling was host to several dozen shimmering balls of flame in various hues. Baumgrit clapped her hands delightedly. "Extinguish the torches!" she cried. "Now we have cool bright light thanks to this fine young sorcerer." She picked Quatre up and carefully kissed his cheek. "I declare these humans part of the ice giant tribe!"

Thunderous applause echoed through the cavern.

"Won't those flames go out eventually?" Treize asked.

"Yes, after a few hours or when the person who cast the spell wishes the flame away."

"This calls for music and dancing!" Kuffrit cried. "A celebration to honor the new members of our tribe."

Pipes and drums were produced and space cleared in the center of the cavern for dancing. The humans moved to the edge of the table and sat down to watch.

"You know, these giants are a pretty fun crowd," Zechs said. "I don't understand why Odin thinks they are going to start Ragnarok."

Loki chuckled. "The giants are a lot like me. Sometimes their jokes get a little out of hand. But they aren't mean-spirited."

Duo and Roku threaded their way through the dancing giants and jumped onto the table beside the others.

"Did you clean them out?" asked Wu-Fei.

"Not completely!" Duo's eyes sparkled. "But there's always tomorrow!"


	12. It's Not Our Fault

Chapter 12: **It's Not Our Fault**

Roku bounded into the tiny one thousand square meter cave Trowa and Quatre were sharing and shook furiously, showering them with snow.

"Jotunheim is fun, Mama!"

"And cold!" Quatre squealed. He quickly sat up and brushed melting snow off his face. "Geez, Roku! I finally managed to get the temperature in here to something slightly above freezing and you fling ice cold water all over us."

"Sorry!" He licked Quatre's face.

Quatre patted his head. "What have you been doing?"

"I've been playing tag with the little ice giants."

Trowa rubbed sleep out of his eyes. "How do you do that?"

Roku giggled. "I hide in the snow until they go by and then jump out and bite their toes. Then I run away and they chase me. It's really fun."

"Sounds like it."

"So when are you getting up? The sun's been up for hours."

"How can you tell when the sun comes up? We're in a cave underground and it's always snowing outside."

Roku shrugged. "I always know where the sun is. How can you miss it? It's huge."

"Some of us have trouble noticing it when there's a planet in the way," Trowa remarked wryly.

"I guess." Roku grabbed their blankets in his teeth and tugged. "So are you getting up or what?"

"Yeah, yeah!" Quatre grumbled. "Quit pulling." He stood up and stretched.

"Is anyone else up?" asked Trowa.

"Mister Loki and Papa Duo are. We had breakfast with King Kuffrit and Queen Baumgrit. I like Queen Baumgrit. She's funny."

"What about the others?"

"Papa Heero and Papa Wu-Fei went with some ice giants to get more mead at one of the human villages. Mister Zechs and Mister Treize are still in their cave. I think Mister Zechs doesn't feel well again."

"I should check him," Quatre said. "If he's getting close to term, I'll need to do something about delivering his baby."

"It hasn't been that long," Trowa said. "Could he really be almost due?"

"He's getting really big. And who knows how traveling through time affects a magically implanted, gestation accelerated pregnancy?"

"Good point."

"I'm hungry," said Roku. "Can we have breakfast now?"

"I thought you said you already ate breakfast!" Quatre exclaimed.

"I did, but that was hours ago. I'm hungry again."

"He _was_ playing in the snow," Trowa noted.

Quatre waved a hand. "All right, let's go. What's on the menu?"

"Fried whale blubber, polar bear sausages and crab cakes made with ground nuts and a berry sauce."

"That sounds interesting," said Trowa. "Where do they get the nuts and berries?"

"Queen Baumgrit says they go to Midgard at night and pick them. Ice giants see really well in the dark."

"Hm."

Back in the main hall, King Kuffrit greeted them heartily. "Good day, my friends! I trust your cave was not too warm for comfortable sleeping?"

"It was fine."

King Kuffrit lifted them up onto the table, where food was still set out. "Please enjoy a bite to eat. The crab cakes are a specialty of ours." He indicated a flat round cake about the size of a truck tire, covered in a bright red sauce. "Baumgrit likes them bite size."

Trowa and Quatre exchanged a look. Then they pulled out their belt knives and carved off human-size pieces.

Trowa bit into his. "Wow! This is great!" He quickly ate the rest of his piece and cut off another portion.

"This is good!" Quatre agreed. He finished his almost as quickly.

Roku skillfully sliced off a chunk with his sharp claws and gulped it down.

Queen Baumgrit appeared beside the table. "Look who I have." She had Treize and Zechs each nestled comfortably in the crook of an arm.

Zechs looked a little green.

"You don't look too good, Zechs," Trowa remarked.

"I couldn't sleep. The baby was pummeling my internal organs all night." He glared at Quatre. "Please tell me this is almost over."

"Well, we don't want to take the baby out too soon…"

Zechs groaned. "I'm the size of a shipping container! The baby has to be big enough by now. Pretty soon she'll be talking."

"You exaggerate," Quatre said calmly, "but I'll examine you after breakfast."

Zechs grumbled something unrepeatable under his breath.

Baumgrit put them carefully on the table. "Have a little crab cake. It will settle your stomach."

Zechs eyed the giant wheel of food uncertainly, but he got out his knife anyway.

"Hey guys!" Duo came bounding across the floor of the cave and leaped up onto the table by way of the nearest bench. "About time you got up!" He immediately helped himself to a sizeable chunk of crab cake.

"What have you been up to?" Quatre asked suspiciously.

"Nothing," Duo replied cheerfully.

"That doesn't sound like you."

"I've just been exploring the caves. Hey Roku, catch this!" He tossed something through the air that glittered brightly.

Roku caught the object between his paws. It was a chunk of pinkish-white crystal with a streak of dark orange zigzagging through it.

"Oh!" said Baumgrit. "You found one of the wishing rocks."

"Wishing rock?" Trowa questioned.

"Yes, the children make wishes on them. Sometimes they come true."

"My knife says it has magical properties," Duo added. "I thought I'd give it to Frey as a thank you gift for putting up with us."

"That's surprisingly thoughtful of you, Duo."

Duo winked at them and stuffed more crab cake into his mouth.

"Perhaps we should give something to Odin as well as an apology," Treize said.

"That's right," Kuffrit said. He blinked at Quatre. "You enchanted him. What did you do?"

"Oh, it was nothing…" Quatre muttered.

"It was hardly nothing," Trowa said brightly. "Turning Odin into a woman was high sorcery."

Kuffrit's mouth dropped open.

Baumgrit sucked in a sharp breath. "You turned Odin into a woman?"

Quatre's face turned red. "Well… yes… temporarily."

"Is he still a woman?"

"Maybe. I don't know. He was when we left."

Baumgrit began to giggle. Then her giggle became a laugh. Then her laugh turned into a loud guffaw. She slapped her knee with delight. "I have to see this!"

Kuffrit suddenly slumped onto a nearby bench, his shoulders shaking. Tears began to stream down his face. "Odin as a woman?" he wheezed. "Blessed be! I would give my right arm to see that. As soon as the others get back with the mead, we'll all go to Asgard and have a look."

"Is that a good idea?" Quatre said worriedly. "Do ice giants normally visit Asgard?"

"Well, no," Kuffrit admitted, "but I think this occasion calls for it."

"Absolutely," Baumgrit agreed. "Odin as a woman! I have to go tell everyone." She trotted away, still giggling.

"I am really sure this is not a good idea," said Quatre.

"Probably not," agreed Trowa. "But if we explain why the giants are there to Odin, no harm should come of it."

"Famous last words!" Duo quipped.

"You're not helping, Duo."

Duo just grinned and kept eating.

Meanwhile, in Midgard, Heero and Wu-Fei rode on Boomrath's shoulders as they approached a small settlement. Blowing snow made seeing difficult, but there wasn't much to look at. Several dozen buildings were clustered on either side of a muddy road, with a few outlying farms further out.

Boomrath pointed. "See that inn there? They make excellent mead. That storehouse next door should be stacked to the rafters with fresh barrels."

"How do you know that?"

Boomrath grinned. "Scrying. No point wasting time drinking bad mead when a little magic will tell you exactly where to find the good stuff." He lumbered toward the storehouse with several other giants. He and another giant gripped the edge of the roof and ripped it off with one sharp pull. The sharp crack of the rafters snapping echoed over the sound of the wind.

"Someone will have heard that inside!" Wu-Fei shouted to Heero.

"You're right! Look!" He pointed at the side door of the inn, where several terrified faces could be seen looking out, the firelight turning them into silhouettes.

Boomrath let out an echoing roar and the faces disappeared. Frightened screams could be heard from inside. Boomrath laughed. "Let's get the mead!" he shouted.

Several giant hands dipped through the open roof of the storehouse and lifted out the barrels. A few other giants slipped off to knock holes in barns to look for sheep, cows and goats.

"Hey!" Wu-Fei called out. "Someone's come back outside!"

They all looked to see a tall skinny man in a long robe standing in the street. He held a long staff in one hand and lifted it threateningly.

"Begone, evil giants!" he squeaked in a high-pitched voice. "Leave these honest people in peace!"

"Should I step on him?" a giant asked.

The skinny man squeaked again.

"Nah," Boomrath said. "It feels weird when they squish up between your toes."

"That's true."

"Cursed giants!" the man squealed. He waved his staff and a sparkle of light appeared at the end. It crackled through the air and singled the toe of the nearest giant.

"Hey!" the giant exclaimed. "That tickles!"

"You call that fire?" Wu-Fei snorted. "This is fire!" And he shot a long stream of flame in the direction of the skinny wizard. The wizard shrieked in terror and dove into the nearest snow bank.

The giants all stared at Wu-Fei.

"How did you do that?" Boomrath asked nervously.

"I, uh, had a run-in with a dragon a while back and picked up some dragonish traits."

"A dragon?"

"A fire-breathing lizard that flies."

"Oh." Boomrath eyed him nervously. "We giants get a little edgy around hot flame, you understand."

"I understand," said Wu-Fei. "I never breathe fire at my friends."

Boomrath cheered up. "That's good to know. Let's finish up and head back. I could use a tall cup of mead right now." He tucked several barrels under his arms and trudged away. The other giants followed him, carrying barrels, cows, sheep and a few struggling goats.

They hadn't gone far though when giggling among a trio of young giants made him look back.

"What's going on there?" Boomrath demanded.

One of the giants promptly displayed the skinny wizard grasped in one hand, where the hapless man was struggling futilely, his frightened squeaks barely audible over the wind.

Boomrath rolled his eyes. "And just what were you planning to do with that?"

"Play with him. He's funny!"

Boomrath sighed. "This is what I get for bringing youngsters on a raid. Well, you have to look after your pet and clean up after it."

"Yes, sir," the three giants chorused.

Boomrath shook his head. "You wouldn't believe what turns up in the caves when we let the youngsters play in Midgard," he said. "They do like to pick up little toys everywhere."

"Ah, yes," said Wu-Fei. "We know how that can happen."

"At least Roku keeps his toys in his storage space when he's not using them," Heero noted.

"He's a good boy."

When they returned to Jotunheim, they found the caves in an uproar.

"What's going on?" Boomrath asked the nearest giant.

"We're going up to Asgard to see Odin. Apparently the young human sorcerer turned him into a woman and we all want to go see."

"A woman!" Boomrath's eyes opened wide. "That would be something to see. When are we leaving?"

"Soon, now that you're back. Kuffrit wants to have a celebratory toast before we go."

"Good idea. Maybe we should eat, too. Raiding is hard work."

The other giant nodded. "I wouldn't say no to a bowl of lobster stew."

"We'd better go find the others," Heero said. He and Wu-Fei scrambled down Boomrath's arms. They found the others clustered not too far from the entrance.

"What's this about going to Asgard?" Wu-Fei demanded. "Isn't that how Ragnarok starts?"

"Maybe not," Quatre said defensively.

"Probably," Duo said cheerfully.

"I am starting to get a little worried," Trowa acknowledged.

"I hear they're planning to have a toast with a few rounds of mead before they go," Heero said.

"Somehow, the idea of a crowd of drunken giants barging into Valhalla demanding to see Odin sounds like a recipe for disaster," Treize said calmly. "Maybe we should go back to Asgard ahead of them and explain the situation before things spin out of control."

"That might not be a bad idea," Trowa agreed. "Where's Loki?" They looked around. "Oh, there he is, with Kuffrit." Trowa led the way over to Loki and the ice giant king.

"Say, Loki, we thought it might be a good idea if we had back to Valhalla now and mention to Odin that the giants are planning to call on him for a friendly little visit. We wouldn't want him to misinterpret why they're there."

"Why not?" Loki's eyes sparkled impishly. "Can you think of anything funnier than Ragnarok starting over a total misunderstanding?"

"I can see why the gods don't trust him," Quatre muttered.

"Nevertheless," Treize put in, "we would feel better if we made an attempt at averting disaster."

"Oh, very well," Loki said. "If you insist. But I think you're missing out on a great opportunity here for some serious fun."

"You think mayhem and slaughter are fun?" Zechs said.

"Well, certainly, as long as it's not me."

So they bade the ice giants farewell, promised to see them again soon and gathered up their belongings. Then they hiked back out into the snowstorm and Loki spoke the incantation to return them to the Asgard plains.

Where they immediately shed several layers of clothing.

"Man, it sure feels hot here now," Duo exclaimed. Then he paused. "Hey, something doesn't look right about Valhalla."

The others all looked.

"You're right," Wu-Fei said. "It looks, well, gnawed."

They hurried over to the great hall. As soon as they stepped through the mighty doors into Valhalla, they were deafened by Odin's roar.

"LOKI! Where have you been? Do you know what your savage brute of an offspring has been up to?"

"Oh!" Loki said innocently, "has Fenrir been playing again?"

"Playing! PLAYING!" Odin's face turned beet red. "There are holes dug all over the plains of Asgard. You cannot walk anywhere without stepping in piles of wolf droppings or lakes of wolf slobber. The walls of Valhalla have been gnawed from top to bottom and did you not smell the reek on the door posts as you entered?"

"Is that what that smell was?" Wu-Fei murmured. "I just assumed the heroes hadn't been bathing."

Odin marched up to Loki and glowered at him. "We have been trying to catch him for three days!"

Loki tried to return Odin's glare, but his eyes kept straying to Odin's still rather generous chest. He smirked. "Of course I'll return him to his meadow at once, Lord Odin." A snicker escaped him.

Odin's glare darkened. "Do you find something amusing?"

"Of course not, mighty Odin." Another snicker escaped him. "Did you recently cut your hair? I recall it being quite a bit longer a few days ago."

"Be silent!" Odin thundered and his voice went up an octave.

Loki bit his lips, but his cheeks quivered. "I'll just… go catch…" He stifled a laugh and tried again. "I'll just go catch Fenrir." He turned quickly and hurried for the door, but he did not make it out before gales of laughter burst from him. He was doubled-over and staggering as he went out.

The Gundam pilots faced Odin expressionlessly.

"Did you enjoy your visit to Jotunheim?" Odin asked graciously.

"It was quite pleasant, Lord Odin," Treize answered. Of the group, he appeared to be the only one who trusted his voice. "We had intended to stay a few more days, but something came up that prompted us to return early."

"Oh? What might that be?"

"Well, you see, unfortunately your current, ah, predicament, sort of slipped out during conversation and the ice giants expressed an interest in… well… observing the situation." Odin's expression began to darken and Treize spoke quickly. "You know the giants have a strong affinity for magic and they are most interested in viewing a spell powerful enough to affect the mighty Odin." He favored Odin with his most disarming smile.

Odin wasn't buying it.

"The ice giants are planning to invade Asgard!"

"I think invade might be too strong a term…" Treize began.

"They just want to drop by for a quick look," Trowa added hastily. "In and out, you'll hardly notice them."

"They're giants, Trowa," Duo reminded him.

"How dare they even consider coming here?" Odin roared. "If one ice giant sets foot on the plains of Asgard, the wrath of mighty Odin shall be unleashed and all the worlds shall tremble!"

"He's getting really worked up," Wu-Fei remarked.

"I was afraid this would happen," Quatre said.

"Well it is kind of your fault," Duo pointed out. "The giants wouldn't be coming if you hadn't turned him into a woman."

"He irritated me!" But Quatre's lower lip trembled a little. "You're right, it is my fault. But it's too late to change him back. The giants might already be on their way."

"Be silent, all of you!" Odin cried. "It is time to plan the defense of Asgard! All noble heroes of Valhalla! Take up your swords! Now is the time to prove your valor!"

"Ok, this is really not good," Trowa said.

"Ouch!" Zechs exclaimed. He clasped his big tummy.

"What's wrong?" Treize asked worriedly.

"The baby's really moving around!" Zechs stared at Quatre. "You have to do something about this! She's tromping all over my spleen! And I'm positive there's a foot-shaped depression in my liver!"

Quatre put his hands on Zechs' tummy. "Let's take him back to Frey's house." He looked over his shoulder at Odin, suddenly all business. "Odin, you idiot, don't start any wars you may not want to see finished! I'm busy right now, but I promise I'll put you back to normal when I'm done."

But Odin ignored him. He was busily issuing orders to his generals and sending out scouts.

"Sheesh!" Quatre exclaimed. "Heero! Wu-Fei! Duo! Stay here and make sure Odin doesn't do anything irrevocably stupid. Trowa and Treize, help me with Zechs. I'll deal with Odin later."

Duo grinned as they left. "Notice how Quatre always takes charge when the situation gets dicey?"

"Yeah, he's special that way," Heero agreed grudgingly.

"Now if he just quit causing so many of the situations!"


	13. This is So Not Good

Chapter 13: **This is So Not Good**

"Ow! Ow! OW!" Zechs cried. "It hurts!"

"I think we need to deliver the baby," Treize said worriedly. He cradled the weeping Zechs in tender arms. He, Zechs, Quatre and Trowa were in the room at Frey's house that Treize and Zechs were sharing

"You're right," Quatre said. "Trowa get some warm water and find some towels or swaddling clothes or something. Where's Roku? He probably has stuff we can use."

"I think he went with Loki to catch Fenrir."

"Oh great! Well, go see what you can find."

Trowa dashed off.

"Don't worry, Zechs." Quatre patted his hand. "I'll have the baby out of you as soon as possible."

"Don't think I'm going to just forgive you for this!" Zechs growled tearfully. He grabbed Quatre by the front of his shirt. "You better put everything back the way you found it, dammit!"

"You'll be good as new."

Treize frowned. "Didn't you tell the others Zechs' pregnancy might last four or five months?"

"I might have."

"We've only been here a few weeks."

Quatre managed a sickly grin. "I think time travel might screw up magically induced pregnancies in men."

"What a surprise!" Zechs exclaimed. "Men aren't supposed to get pregnant! Ouch!"

Roku bounded into the room. "Mama, I heard the ice giants!"

"Terrific!" Quatre grumbled. "What about Odin and the heroes?"

"They're still getting organized." Roku sidled up to Zechs and poked his tummy with his nose. "Is the baby coming out now?"

"Yes."

"May I watch?"

"You can help. I'll teleport the baby and you can fix Zechs' insides, ok?"

"Ok."

"Where is Trowa with the water? We need to get on with this."

"I'm right here." Trowa stepped carefully through the door carrying a wide shallow basin filled with water. Several pieces of cloth in various sizes were draped over one arm.

"Ah, perfect." Quatre snagged one of the larger pieces of cloth from Trowa and settled cross-legged beside Zechs. He spread the cloth in his lap with the ends draped over his hands. "Ready, Roku?"

"Ready."

"Try not to move, Zechs," Quatre said and he proceeded to rattle off a long string of Latin syllables. There was a faint popping sound and a wrinkled baby girl appeared in Quatre's lap. He immediately wrapped the cloth around her and slid her into the basin.

Roku rested his chin on Zechs' suddenly flat tummy. "_Bene corpus_," he murmured.

Zechs blinked in surprise. "I feel great!" He looked down at himself. "And my stomach is flat again! Hallelujah!"

"She's really cute!" Trowa said.

"She sure is," Quatre agreed as he gently cleaned the little baby.

The baby blinked at him with enormous gray-blue eyes.

"I think she'll have your eyes, Zechs, when the color settles."

Roku sniffed the top of her head. "She smells like Mr. Zechs. And she has a lot of hair."

"That she does," Trowa agreed. "It's straight right now, but that doesn't mean it won't get curly later."

"And lighter too," Quatre added. "It's darker than Treize's right now." He lifted the baby out of the basin and dried her with another cloth. Then he bundled her up and handed her to Zechs. "Congratulations, gentlemen. You're parents."

Treize and Zechs studied their new daughter.

"What should we name her?" Zechs asked.

"Alexa," said Treize.

"Ah," Zechs smiled. "Good choice. Alexa Merquise Kushranada. Welcome to Asgard."

The baby regarded her two papas innocently.

Quatre shook himself. "All right, now I better go straighten out this mess with Odin. We can't have him starting a war with the ice giants. This could turn into Ragnarok if we're not careful."

"We should all go," Treize said. "Do you feel up to it Zechs?"

"I'm fine. Help me make a sling for Alexa."

"Will she be all right like that?" Trowa asked as he watched Zechs tie two pieces of cloth together and then loop it over one shoulder and under the opposite arm.

"I could put her in my storage space," Roku volunteered.

"Other living things have survived there," Quatre noted.

"That's ok," Zechs said quickly. He tucked Alexa into the sling and settled her comfortably against his chest. "She'll be fine like this."

"How are you going to feed her, Mr. Zechs?"

Zechs' face turned red. "Uh…"

"We'll get some milk from the servants," Quatre stated matter-of-factly. "Now, let's go find Odin."

They hurried back to Valhalla to find the plains filled with roaring, raggedly organized heroes.

"These idiots are going to get themselves killed," Heero reported disgustedly. "They need a battle plan if they're going to fight the ice giants."

"Heero!" Quatre exclaimed. "We don't want them to fight the ice giants! Remember?"

"Oh, right." Heero sounded disappointed.

"Where's Odin?"

Heero waved a hand vaguely across the plains. "Over there somewhere. A scout came back with a report about the giants."

They all felt the ground tremble. And then it trembled again. And then again.

"Footsteps!" Duo announced.

Quatre put a hand over his face. "Great!"

Several heroes began shouting. "The ice giants are coming! To arms! Prepare to fight! The honor of Valhalla is at stake!" With a great roar, the host of heroes began pouring across the plain in the direction of the echoing footsteps.

"WAIT!" Quatre shouted. "It's all just a misunderstanding!"

"They're not listening," Heero remarked. "Excuse me." And he dashed off after the heroes.

"Heero! Not you too!"

"I'll look after him!" Wu-Fei shouted and he raced off after Heero, drawing his sword.

"Wu-Fei!"

"I think it's out of our hands, Quatre," Duo said with a gleam in his eye. "But if they're going to go fight with the heroes, I'm going to go fight with the ice giants. That seems fair." He skipped off, chortling to himself.

Quatre groaned. "Has everyone completely lost their senses?"

"To be perfectly honest," Zechs said with an embarrassed cough. "A good fight sounds rather relaxing after all I've been through. Does someone have a sword I could borrow?"

"Sure, Mr. Zechs." Roku produced a handsome rapier from under one foreleg. "Like this?"

Zechs favored Roku with a beautiful smile. "That's perfect." He smiled seductively at Treize. "Care to join me?"

"Well…" said Treize. "Since you ask so nicely. Roku?"

Roku produced another sword.

"Thank you." Treize swished the sword through the air experimentally to get a feel for the weight and balance. "Very nice blade," he said. Then he regarded Roku speculatively. "Do you have a lot of weapons in there?"

Roku shrugged. "A couple."

"And just where do you get these things, young man?" Quatre demanded sternly.

Roku ducked his head. "Here and there."

"Do you have another one?" Trowa asked curiously.

Roku, looking a little guilty, produced a third sword. This one had a slightly heavier blade.

"Ooh…" Trowa smiled. He saluted Treize and Zechs. "Shall we go, gentlemen?"

"By all means."

"One moment!" Quatre pointed an imperious finger at Zechs. "Hand over that baby this instant."

"Yes, sir," Zechs said meekly. He lifted Alexa's sling off over his head and handed the baby, sling and all, to Quatre. Then he grinned and he, Treize and Trowa, raced off after the rest.

Quatre slipped into the sling and settled Alexa against his chest.

Roku blinked at him. "Mama, may I go watch the fighting? I promise not to get hurt."

Quatre gave him a stern look.

Roku blinked innocently.

Quatre sighed. "Oh very well. But no magic!"

"Yes, Mama!" Roku bounded into the air, shimmering into the shape of a hawk in mid-leap and swooped away.

Quatre shook his head. "I am surrounded by maniacs." He looked down at Alexa's little face. She stared back at him. "Oh well. Let's go find you something to eat." He went back to Frey's house. He had just finished feeding Alexa some warm milk when sharp shudders began to shake the house and deep rumbles rattled the windows. Frightened servants scurried in from the kitchen.

"What's happening?" one cried. "Is it the end of the world?"

"Crap!" Quatre muttered.

Even more violent shaking began and Roku swooped in through an open window.

"Mama! I think you should come now! Everybody was just having a pleasant little fight when Mr. Odin called Mr. Kuffrit a snowball-headed idiot and Mr. Kuffrit called Mr. Odin a saggy-titted hag with a tiny prick and then Mr. Odin called Miss Baumgrit a furry-boobed savage and she got mad and made frozen lightning and punched a big whole in the ground, so Mr. Odin screamed at her not to wreck the beautiful plains of Asgard with her stupid ice and she screamed that Asgard was a hot muggy swamp and started blasting everything with frozen lightning and giant snowballs and then Mr. Odin started throwing fireballs and making lightning rain down from the sky, and now everything's getting all cracked and broken and there's lots of big holes everywhere, and I saw pieces of rainbow floating across the sky and Papa Trowa said it's the Rainbow Bridge that connects Asgard to Midgard so it looks like things are starting to break apart. Maybe you should come stop the fight now."

"Oh shit!"

Quatre dashed out the door with Roku flying above his head. Outside, the wind was howling and giant bolts of lightning crackled across the sky and smashed into the ground. Quatre was knocked off his feet. "Roku! Take Alexa! I need to fly!" He snatched Alexa out of her sling and tossed her toward Roku. Roku dove past her and Alexa disappeared under his wing. Quatre shimmered into a hawk and the two birds zoomed toward the battle.

The closer they got to the battle, the worse it became. The bodies of heroes and ice giants were strewn everywhere and massive boulders tumbled through the air. Flying became nearly impossible.

"Dammit!" Quatre screamed over the wind. "We aren't going to be able to reach them!"

"I can!" Roku shouted back. He changed into the form of a dragon, bigger even than Gift, and grasped Quatre in his claws. His huge wings churned through the shifting winds and carried them swiftly toward where they could now see humans, gods and giants battling furiously. All around them, the ground was starting to break apart and chunks were floating away.

"Those idiots!" Quatre cried.

"I see Papa Trowa and the others!" Roku angled over and dove toward the ground.

"Hey, is that Roku?" Duo called out as they landed.

Quatre changed back into his own shape. "What the hell are you people doing? Have any of you noticed that the world is breaking up?"

"The footing did seem to be getting a little unstable," Treize remarked calmly as he hacked at an ice giant's knees.

"And that would certainly explain the floating boulders," Zechs added as he hamstrung another ice giant.

"Maybe you should mention it to Odin," Trowa said as he leaped high in the air, flipped over, and slashed an ice giant's arm.

"If you can get him to stop shouting insults at Kuffrit and Baumgrit," Wu-Fei put in. He shot a stream of golden fire at three ice giants and they cowered away in panic, patting out tiny flames that sprouted up in their hair.

"Oh geez!" Quatre exclaimed and he stomped off toward Odin.

"Odin! You empty-headed lout! You're destroying everything!"

"Lout, am I!" Odin cried. "Take that!" Lightning crackled down from the sky and struck the ground where Quatre was standing. A shimmering aura of light momentarily surrounded Quatre, protecting him from the explosion. He brushed a clod of dirt from his shoulder.

"You're starting to piss me off!" Quatre growled.

"I am Odin!" Odin roared. Lightning pounded the ground in all directions, sending great chunks of earth flying up into the sky. Molten lava spurted up out of the ground, turning everything a lurid red.

The ice giants squealed in panic and raced away, shielding themselves from showers of sparks and red blobs of liquid rock. Roku spread his wings and a luminescent shield covered the spot where the Gundam pilots were standing, protecting them from the onslaught. Gods and heroes on every side dove for whatever cover they could find. Violent earthquakes shook the ground, throwing everyone off their feet. Already gaping fissures grew wider, spilling bright red lava which immediately floated away in glowing streamers.

"Now you've done it!" Quatre shouted at Odin.

But Odin probably didn't hear him because he was clinging to a chunk of rock that was slowly tumbling away.

"This is just great!" Quatre complained bitterly. "What are we supposed to do now?"

He and the other Gundam pilots watched with resignation as Asgard, Midgard, Jotunheim and all the connected worlds slowly broke apart.

Then a large boulder floated toward them with a panicked and whining Fenrir clinging precariously to it. Loki sat between his paws petting Fenrir soothingly, but he was laughing hysterically.

"Is this not the funniest thing you have ever seen?" Loki howled. "Odin caused Ragnarok! I can't stand it! I think I sprained something from laughing!"

"This is NOT funny, Loki!" Quatre said sternly.

"Yes it is!" Loki cried. "Look at that!" He pointed to where several gods huddled together miserably on a nearby chunk of the Asgard plains, including Heimdall, Frey, Thor and Freya, clutching their singed and shredded clothes around their bodies.

Heero snickered.

Wu-Fei pressed his lips together, blinking rapidly.

Quatre glared at them.

"Mama, look!" Roku cried. He was back in his tiger form, jumping up and down on three paws and pointing at the sky with the fourth.

Above them, an enormous ribbon of snake flowed past, sliding between the floating boulders and glowing chunks of cooling lava.

"I say!" Jormangand exclaimed. "That was certainly a startling way to wake up." He flowed to a stop above them, although long stretches of his body continued to slide by. "What happened?"

"Odin caused Ragnarok!" Loki bellowed.

"I did not!" Odin exclaimed. His boulder, bumped by Jormangand's passage, rolled toward them.

The end of Jormandgand's tail floated by and the big snake stared at it in surprise. "Oh my!" Jormangand exclaimed. "So that's what my tail looks like! I haven't seen it for centuries." He flicked it back and forth with a giggle.

Treize looked around. "Well, this certainly is something of a mess, isn't it?"

"It sure is," Zechs agreed. Then he looked at Quatre. "By the way, what did you do with my daughter?"

Quatre flushed. "Oh, ah, Roku has her."

Zechs frowned. "What? You didn't shove her in his storage space, did you?"

"I was worried about her getting caught up in this," Quatre said quickly.

"Here she is, Mr. Zechs," Roku mumbled. He was holding little Alexa between his teeth by a bunch of her swaddling.

"Humph!" Zechs snorted as he retrieved his infant. He cradled the baby and studied her carefully. She was sound asleep. "I guess she's ok."

Treize looked over his shoulder and caressed her cheek with a fingertip. "What a sweet little creature," he murmured lovingly. "And she's all ours."

"Yes, she is," Zechs cooed. He leaned back against Treize's shoulder. "We made a baby."

"What do you mean 'we'?" Duo exclaimed. "As I recall, Quatre and I made that baby. You just provided the material, which you were slinging about with great abandon and no concern for its reproductive potential."

"I beg your pardon?" Zechs purred threateningly. "I don't recall you waddling about with a baby stuffed in your abdomen."

"Details!" Duo muttered.

"Can we get back to the busy at hand?" Wu-Fei interrupted. He pointed past the giant floating snake toward the tumbling chunks of what had been several collocated and contiguous worlds. "Aren't Midgard and Earth the same thing? I don't know about the rest of you, but when I was born, the Earth was a single large planet, not a collection of floating asteroids."

Heero nodded. "I kind of preferred the single planet configuration myself."

"This could be a bit of a problem for the development of the future we came from," Trowa said thoughtfully.

Odin's rock collided with their bit of Asgard plain and the former master of Valhalla tumbled at their feet.

"It's ruined! It's all ruined!" Odin wailed. "What have you people done?"

"Us!" Quatre exclaimed indignantly.

"Geez, Odin!" Duo exclaimed. "Quit whining! At least there's still enough gravitational pull to keep the air from dispersing and we're not all dying from asphyxiation in the vacuum of space."

"He has a point," Heero noted.

"But Midgard has broken up!" Odin cried. "And Asgard is in rubble! Who knows what has become of Sleetcold and Jotunheim?"

"I do," Roku piped up.

"What!"

"Sleetcold is inside that big rock over there and Jotunheim is that jumble of ice balls over there. See? Where the ice giants are having a snowball fight with the rubble?"

Odin groaned.

"What a baby!" Heero muttered.

"This is a bit of an unfortunate situation," Frey remarked from his bit of Asgard a short way away. "I rather liked my home and the Asgard plains."

"They were very pretty," Heimdall agreed wistfully.

"I can fix it," Roku said.

"How?" Odin exclaimed. "How can a mere child fix what the gods cannot?"

"Roku is no mere child," Quatre grumbled.

"May I, Mama? I'll have to use really big magic."

"Umm…" Trowa said doubtfully.

"How bad can it be?" Duo said cheerfully. "He couldn't possibly make it any worse."

"That's true," Wu-Fei agreed.

"He could disperse the air," Heero noted.

"Good point."

"Go ahead, Roku," Quatre said archly, glaring at the others.

Roku sat down, wrapped his tail around his paws and closed his eyes for a moment. Then he looked up, held up one paw and shouted, "_Ecce mundus coire intermundia discenere!_"

As everyone watched, the chunks of Midgard floated toward each other and merged into a single planet, its blue and green surface glimmering brightly with highlights of white and brown.

"The land masses don't look right," said Duo. "Shouldn't the Atlantic Ocean be in the middle there?"

"Roku just reassembled the Earth and you're criticizing?" Quatre growled.

"No! No! But won't it change the future if the land masses are in the wrong place?"

"He's got a point," Heero stated flatly.

"I hate to say it," agreed Wu-Fei, "but Duo might be right."

"I don't recall there being an enormous serpent floating in space between the Earth and the Sun either," said Trowa.

"And shouldn't there be a Moon?" Treize added.

"Nothing but critics!" Quatre muttered.

Jormangand yawned hugely, sucking up a great quantity of the remaining available air. "All this adventure has made me a bit tired." He blinked sleepily at the gleaming new Earth. "Midgard looks a little different, but I'm sure it's still quite comfortable." And with that, Jormangand flowed through space and began burrowing his way under the nearest mountain.

"Aw man!" Roku exclaimed. "He's messing it up!"

The Earth shook and shuddered as Jormangand worked his way back inside. Continents rose, fell and buckled over on themselves, with a few large chunks flying out into space. Oceans washed from side to side and splashed up into the air, forming clouds. It took a long time before the tip of the great serpent's tail finally slid from view.

"The Earth looks bigger," Treize remarked.

"I should think so," replied Wu-Fei, "with several thousand kilometers of giant snake curled up inside."

Roku lifted his paw and intoned another spell. The chunks of earth thrown free by Jormangand's entry drifted toward each other and coalesced into a small planet.

"There, happy?" Quatre growled. "A Moon."

Trieze smiled. "That looks better."

"Geez!"

"Say!" Duo exclaimed. "The Earth looks more right now. The Atlantic still looks kind of skinny, but continental drift should fix that, right?"

"Either that or Jormangand rolling over in his sleep," Heero muttered.

"If you're all done belittling my son's achievement," Quatre growled, "shall we see if the gods would like him to do something about Asgard?"

"No one is belittling Roku's achievement, Quatre," Trowa said soothingly. "We just want to make sure the future is the way we left it when we get back."

"Yeah, yeah…"

-o-o-o-o-

_Author's Aside: Alexa was the name of a woman that Treize and Zechs went to school with and whom they both admired in my story Victoria Base Affair Extended Addition._


	14. Getting Back to Normal

Chapter 14: **Getting Back to Normal**

"Will someone shut that laughing idiot up?" Odin grumbled.

Loki, still seated on the rock with Fenrir, kept falling into fresh gales of laughter every time he looked around.

"Oh come on, Odin," Loki laughed. "Cheer up. You have to admit this is pretty funny. Look at Freya's dress."

Freya regarded Loki with an expression that would have chilled an ice giant's behind.

"And look at the bright side. You're all male again."

Odin's cheeks grew red. "By order of the mighty Odin," he declared to no one in particular, "that incident never happened and will never be discussed again."

"By Odin's command," the gods echoed, but there wasn't a lot of sincerity to be heard.

"So how about it, Odin?" Quatre squatted down in front of the sulking Father of the gods. "Do you want Roku to fix Asgard or not?"

"What would be the point?" Odin said morosely. "The Rainbow Bridge is gone. How will Asgard and Midgard be properly connected again?"

"I can make a portal, like the one that used to connect Sleetcold to Asgard," Roku said. "I liked that magic."

Odin perked up. "In truth? The portal to Sleetcold and the Rainbow Bridge were created at the same time as the cosmos. It is very ancient magic."

Roku nodded. "And we can stick Jotunheim on top of that big mountain range that Jormangand made so the ice giants can stay nice and cool. They wouldn't be able to reach Asgard anymore, so there shouldn't be another Ragnarok."

"That sounds like a good idea," said Trowa.

"But I like visiting the ice giants," Loki protested.

"I'm sure you'll still find a way to get there," Odin said sourly.

"Can I borrow your magic, Mr. Odin? I can do it faster if I use magic connected to Asgard."

"Of course." Odin inclined his head graciously.

Roku put a paw on Odin's knee and spoke a long, long Latin phrase, with what sounded like phrases of ancient Norse thrown in. The scattered chunks of Asgard started coalescing even as the snowballs that were all that was left of Jotunheim fell toward the Earth, along with the remaining ice giants. Then the Earth and blackness of space disappeared and a beautiful blue sky formed over their heads.

"What happened to the Earth?" Duo asked curiously.

"I turned Asgard out of phase with the Earth," Roku said with a slight wrinkle between his brows. "So they're in the same place but not. Does that make sense?"

"It sounds like you shoved us into your storage space."

Roku grinned.

"Somehow, I think I'm glad he didn't answer that," Heero muttered.

Wu-Fei nodded silently.

Odin stood up and looked around. "Where is Valhalla?"

"I thought you'd want to rebuild that yourself. Remember, Fenrir had kind of chewed it up."

"That's right!" Odin looked around. "Just where are Fenrir and Loki?"

Loki and Fenrir were nowhere in sight.

"You know Loki," Heimdall said. "He has a preternatural awareness of the onset of work. He no doubt had a premonition that Valhalla and all our homes would have to be rebuilt, so he will probably remain in hiding until everything is done."

"I am not lifting a finger until someone finds me a clean dress!" Freya complained. She sat primly on a rock with her arms crossed looking completely offended.

Roku pulled a satiny smooth blue dress from behind his shoulder. Trowa retrieved it and offered it to Freya. She looked slightly mollified as she scurried off behind a tree to change.

"You keep dresses in there, too?" Treize asked Roku curiously.

"Nah, I just made that so Miss Freya would feel better."

Treize frowned. "Tell me Roku: what's the difference between getting something out of your storage space and just making it on the spot?"

Roku blinked thoughtfully. "Well…"

"Don't answer that!" Duo and Thor shouted in unison. "I don't want to know!"

"But…" Roku tried again.

"It's probably better to let it stay a mystery, Roku," Quatre said.

Roku shrugged.

Various people began straggling across the plains toward them. Heroes, servants and minor gods who had survived Ragnarok slowly gathered around them, waiting for Odin to tell them what to do. Orders were issued and soon enough, using a combination of magic and plain old back-breaking labor, Valhalla rose again from the Asgard plains and the homes of the gods were remade. Herds were gathered back together and folks settled down to resume their idyllic lives.

In the scant handful of weeks that this took, Alexa started walking.

"She's growing up rather fast, wouldn't you say?" Zechs remarked.

"Extremely fast," Treize agreed.

"It's a side-effect of accelerated pregnancy," Quatre said.

"She eats almost as much as Roku," Zechs said.

"She needs to in order to grow that fast." Quatre studied Alexa clinically. "But I think she might be slowing down a little."

"How can you tell?"

"Well…"

"You're guessing."

"I'm standing by my scientific opinion. I think she'll slow to a normal growth rate sooner than Roku did."

"Roku grew to the age of nine in less than a year."

"She's slowing down."

"Says you."

"Trust me."

"It's never good when he starts quoting Duo," Treize said absently.

"Hey!" Duo exclaimed.

"She certainly gets along well with Roku," Trowa noted.

Alexa tottered along behind Roku, giggling wildly as she tried to catch his tail, which he held just out of reach. Long brown curls tumbled over her shoulders and framed her adorable face. Her big, deep blue eyes were rimmed with long, thick lashes. Dimples formed in her rosy cheeks whenever she smiled, which was most of the time.

"She looks just like Zechs, only prettier," Duo said.

"You can certainly tell she's his daughter," Trowa agreed.

"But she has Treize's determination," Wu-Fei noted as Alexa made a sudden lunge in a serious attempt to catch the tip of Roku's tail.

Roku allowed her to succeed and she collapsed into gleeful squeals, waving the tail clutched in her fist. Zechs scooped her up and blew on her tummy. She grabbed handfuls of his silver hair and giggled, kicking her little feet.

"Mama!" Alexa squealed.

Zechs stared at her in surprise.

Quatre sighed wistfully. "That was Roku's first word!"

Alexa held out her arms toward Treize and when he stepped within reach, she grabbed his nose.

"Papa!"

"And that was Roku's second!" Quatre sighed again. "How sweet! It makes me kind of nostalgic for when Roku was just a cub."

"I'm sure Trowa would be happy to knock you up again," Duo chuckled.

"I'm not going to let you ruin my good mood."

Frey appeared. "Odin has invited everyone to a grand feast to celebrate the completion of Valhalla."

"Won't it seem kind of empty?" Wu-Fei asked. "A lot of heroes were killed during Ragnarok."

"True," said Frey, "but Odin had the Valkyries round up some of the people who died on Midgard when it broke up, so we should have a pretty full house."

"But what does he still need heroes for?" asked Heero. "Now that Ragnarok has passed they have nothing to train for."

Frey shrugged. "They're just fun to have around I guess."

"A grand feast sounds like a great idea!" Duo said. "Maybe there will be gambling, too!"

"Sheesh!" Heero muttered.

"And afterward," Duo looped an arm through Heero's, "you and me and Wu-Fei can have a little private time." Then he grinned. "Unless you'd rather do it with Freya again?"

Heero went pale. "Let's not bring that up."

Duo chuckled. "Let's go eat!"

The whole party marched across the plains toward the new Valhalla, whose towering walls gleamed with gold decorations.

"I wonder how long those will last." Wu-Fei muttered. "Fenrir seems to have a taste for gold."

"I wouldn't mention Fenrir in Odin's presence," Frey suggested. "He's still feeling a little sensitive about the mess he made of the old hall."

They met Heimdall in front of the great doors.

"As I suspected," Heimdall reported, "Loki made his appearance the very instant the last nail was driven into the doorframe."

"Good timing," Duo said admiringly. "I can appreciate a man who's polished laziness to a fine art."

"That would be Loki."

They entered Valhalla to find it filled with men and women already feasting at the vast wooden tables. Even the high table was filled with chattering gods seated on either side of Odin, who was looking happier than he had for a while.

"I don't recognize all the gods sitting with Odin," Wu-Fei said.

"They're just random minor gods," Frey replied. "Since we lost a few of our peers to Ragnarok, there were vacancies." He winked at them. "Despite our low reproduction rate, after thousands upon thousands of years, immortals do tend to accumulate. In truth, we probably need a good Ragnarok every millennium or so to cut down our numbers."

"That is a dismayingly truthful way to put it," Treize chuckled.

They found that the table just below the high table had been kept free for them, so they took their seats under Odin's paternal eye. Freya, however, immediately leaped to her feet and hurried to their table.

"Oh! She's just so adorable!" Freya squealed. She promptly appropriated Alexa from Zechs' arms. "You're such a pretty little girl!" she cooed, tickling Alexa's tummy. Alexa wriggled in Freya's arms and giggled. She clasped Freya's long blond curls and tugged them into disarray. Surprisingly, Freya didn't seem to mind. She nuzzled Alexa's neck. "Who's my little sweetheart?" she purred.

"You know," said Duo, "she might actually be a good mother for your child, Heero."

"She's not having my child!" Heero growled.

"Yes, I am," Freya cooed. "I'm going to have a pretty little girl just like this one!" She kissed Alexa's cheek and then turned a seductive gaze on Heero. "Or maybe a handsome son like you. In Odin's name, your manliness is such that I would not be surprised to find you have planted twins in my womb."

Heero turned beet red.

"He is certainly manly enough to do that," Duo agreed. "It gets me all excited just thinking about it."

"Would you please just shut up?" Heero muttered.

Duo grinned and Wu-Fei snickered.

"Why don't we all sit down?" Quatre suggested. His lips were twitching.

"Good idea," Trowa agreed quickly. He took a seat and the others followed suit, although Heero was still muttering under his breath. Zechs retrieved Alexa from a reluctant Freya before sitting down.

When everyone was seated, Odin stood up. "My friends! I am glad to welcome you all inside the mighty walls of Valhalla! Through fire and tribulation, this mighty home of the gods has been reborn to once again host the finest flower of Asgard and Midgard." He paused as a thunderous cheer rose up, shaking dust from the nearly invisible rafters over their heads. "Feast now and make merry! Tomorrow, life begins again. We must continue to prepare for an uncertain future. But I know that, with your strength and my guidance, we shall make it through again!" Another thunderous cheer rose up and then the eating and drinking began in earnest.

"He says that like he's not the one who caused Ragnarok!" Quatre grumbled.

"Well, to be perfectly honest," Wu-Fei said, "we did kind of start it by encouraging the ice giants to invade Asgard."

"We didn't encourage them," Quatre said defensively. "And it wasn't an invasion!"

"Still…"

"Oh just drop it!"

"Indeed," Treize said smoothly, "we should lay the matter to rest. The incident is in the past and no real harm has come of it. Let's just enjoy ourselves tonight. By the way, Quatre, is Roku free to baby-sit tonight?"

"Baby-sit?"

"Well," Treize coughed delicately. "Zechs and I haven't had much time alone since Alexa was born, so I just thought…" He trailed off hopefully. Zechs favored him with a seductive smile that made Treize go pale. "Please?" Treize whispered hoarsely.

"I don't mind, Mama. I like looking after Alexa."

"Very well."

"Thank you!" Treize managed to recover his dignity and then he lost it again when Zechs leaned over and murmured something in his ear. Treize flushed and began to breathe rapidly.

Duo gasped and blinked several times. "Oh my!" He looked at Heero. "Could you please eat faster? I really need to step outside for an hour or two." He turned to Wu-Fei. "You two. I'm going to need both of you."

"Huh?" Wu-Fei said absently. For a change, he was actually eating the food without complaining.

"I want it from both sides!" Duo exclaimed. "Sandwiched! Book-ended! Pitching and catching! Do I need to get really explicit?"

"Not in front of the children!" Quatre said quickly.

"I wonder what Zechs said," Trowa remarked casually. "The mental image seems to have gotten Duo quite worked up." He grinned at Treize. "And Treize, too. He's still flushed." He turned his smile on Quatre. "Of course, if Roku is baby-sitting, that means we have our room to ourselves, too."

Quatre returned his smile. "Are you also having naughty thoughts?"

"Very naughty."

Quatre tipped his head to one side and his smile became stunningly beautiful. "But I am much too innocent to engage in such behavior."

Trowa swallowed and his eyes went round. "Don't do that!" he exclaimed breathlessly. "You know I can't resist that look!"

"What look?" Quatre's enormous blue eyes got even bigger and he blinked up at Trowa in wide-eyed innocence.

"That's it!" Trowa announced. He grabbed Quatre by the hand and hauled him to his feet. "If you'll please excuse us, I'm going to take Quatre home and fuck him until neither one of us can walk."

"Trowa!"

But Quatre's protest fell on deaf ears. He was dragged unceremoniously from the hall.

Duo clutched the edge of the table, breathing hard. "Can't… take it… Need… sex…" Abruptly he jumped to his feet with a load groan. "It's no use! We have to go now! You can eat later!" He grabbed Heero and Wu-Fei each by the shoulder. "On your feet this instant or Wu-Fei's getting it right here on the table!"

Wu-Fei went pale and scrambled to his feet. "Come on, Heero! He sounds serious!"

Heero stood up more slowly, snagging a loaf of bread and a mutton roast. "He'll just complain later about being hungry," he said with a shrug, and let Duo and Wu-Fei pull him away.

Treize watched the others leave with a pained expression on his face.

"You can go too, Mr. Treize," Roku said. "I'll bring Alexa home with me."

Zechs eyed him suspiciously. "You won't put her in your storage space, will you?"

"No," Roku chuckled. "I'll walk home as a human and carry her."

They all looked at Alexa, who was sitting on the table busily stuffing her face with bread that she was dipping in goat milk with one hand, while she scooped up berry preserves with the other and shoved it all into her mouth at once. Her face was rather liberally coated with milk-soaked crumbs and bright purple streaks of jam. Then she wiped both hands on her little shirt and reduced it to the same condition.

"I'll give her a bath, too," Roku added. He leaned over and removed some of the mess from her face with long swipes of his tongue. Alexa giggled and squirmed away from him with a happy smile. Then she smeared more jam on her face.

"You'll wash her in a bathtub?" Zechs asked hopefully.

"Sure! I like taking baths."

Zechs looked doubtful, but Treize took his hand. "Zechs, my beloved," he murmured. "Remember what Duo said about Wu-Fei? I am having the same rather overwhelming desire. Unless you want everyone to see how utterly beautiful you are unclothed, I suggest we retire to someplace more private so I can ravish you with complete abandon."

Zechs blinked at him.

"I trust Roku completely," Treize said softly, "and you're about to get jumped right here."

Zechs quickly stood up. "Thank you for baby-sitting, Roku. We'll see you in the morning." He managed to plant a quick kiss on top of Alexa's curly head before he was also dragged away.

Heimdall, Frey and Freya came down to the table where Roku and Alexa now ate alone.

"Where have the others gone?" Heimdall asked. "Were they not enjoying the feast?"

"They went to be naughty," Roku said matter-of-factly. "I'm baby-sitting."

"Oh!" Freya exclaimed. "May I assist you?"

"Of course." Roku eyed Alexa critically. "You can help me give her a bath."

Freya clapped her hands. "I'd be delighted!"

Frey sighed. "In truth, the thought of a night's dalliance with the beautiful Zechs inspires a certain passion in me."

Heimdall lifted an eyebrow at him. "Don't look at me."

"Never fear!" Frey chuckled. "In fact, I have my eye on that pair of attractive Valkyries over there. Feel like double-dating?"

Heimdall pursed his lips. "That might be fun."

Frey put his arm through Heimdall's. "Please excuse us, dear sister," he said to Freya. "Since you have plans for the evening, Heimdall and I will be going about other business."

"Yes, yes, go on," Freya waved a hand at them, but she wasn't looking. She was happily offering tidbits of roast mutton to Alexa. "What say we go home as soon as Alexa's finished and give her a nice bath, Roku?"

"That sounds like a good idea, Miss Freya. May I take a bath, too?"

"Of course!" Freya beamed at him. "It will be fun."

Roku grinned at her. "I'll try not to splash too much."

"I'm sure you'll be no trouble at all."


	15. Time to go Home

Chapter 15: **Time to go Home**

"They really need seasons here in Asgard," Duo remarked lazily. "This endless summer sure makes me drowsy."

Wu-Fei glared at him. "You're drowsy because you've been fucking me for the last four hours."

"Was it only four? It seemed longer." Duo yawned. "I tell you all these beautiful days just float by." He stretched out. "How about we take a nap and then go for another four hours?"

"Go ahead and sleep. I'm going to look for Heero and do some sparring. I could use a work out."

"You mean I didn't work you hard enough?" Duo chuckled. "I could go for a little longer if you want."

"Just go to sleep! I'll see you at dinner."

"Ok."

Duo dozed off and Wu-Fei marched off through the trees, looking for Heero. He found Heero doing something that looked suspiciously like hiding.

"Hey, Heero. Want to spar?"

"Shush!" Heero shushed him. He looked around. "Someone might hear you."

"What the hell are you doing?" Wu-Fei said more quietly. "Are you hiding from someone?" His voice squeaked a little incredulously.

"I'm not hiding!" Heero snapped defensively. "I'm just… trying not to be seen."

"And that's different from hiding how?"

"Shut up!" Heero grumbled. They heard footsteps crunching along a nearby trail and Heero scrunched down. "Get down! Be quiet!" he whispered urgently.

Wu-Fei sighed and crouched down next to him. A couple of minor gods strolled by, chatting idly.

Wu-Fei eyed Heero. "So?"

Heero sighed. "It's Freya. She won't leave me alone."

"Well, ever since she started to show…"

"It's gotta be Heimdall's. He did her right after I did and more times, too."

"You'll never convince her until the baby shows up looking like someone other than you. Anyway, why don't you just use your armband?"

"I did." Heero frowned. "Apparently, the glamour doesn't work on gods. They can see right through it, like looking through a veil."

"Oh."

"We've gotta get out of here. Isn't it time to go back to Mars?"

Wu-Fei chuckled. "You know it doesn't matter when we leave. It'll still be the same night when we get back. Anyway, we're waiting for Alexa to stop growing unusually fast. We're going to have enough explaining to do about her as it is."

"But Quatre said she was back to normal already!" Heero complained.

"I know. We're just making sure." Wu-Fei stood up. "Come on, let's spar. You obviously have lots of nervous energy to work off."

Heero groaned. "If Freya finds me…"

"I'll tell her she just has to wait until I'm through playing with you before she gets a turn."

Heero buried his face in his hands and moaned.

"You're acting pathetic, you know."

"But what if _she_ finds out about this?" Heero whispered in near panic. "If she finds out I did it with a beautiful woman…"

"She'll expect her fair share of your generous masculine charms," Wu-Fei concluded.

"I can't do that! Not with her!"

"You know," said Wu-Fei matter-of-factly, "I've never understood your reluctance. Relena's not hideous. If you just fucked her senseless every now and then, she'd probably leave you alone the rest of the time."

"Ha! That's what you think!" Heero fixed terrified eyes on Wu-Fei. "She'd want to get married! She'd make me wear suits and gloves and go to parties where they serve drinks in tiny glass cups and make you eat little finger sandwiches! Have you no idea what hell is?"

"Hmm… When you put it that way, it does sound pretty horrible."

"I'd die!"

Wu-Fei laughed. "You probably would at that." He grabbed Heero's hand. "Let's go find some heroes and kill a few people. That will put you in a good mood."

Heero perked up a little. "Yeah, that sounds good. Maybe if I lop off a few heads, sever a few limbs and disembowel a couple of torsos, things will start to look less bleak."

"There you go! That's sounds like my Heero."

They trotted off through the trees together, looking for warriors to massacre.

Back at Frey's house, little Alexa had grown into a charming little girl of about six. Her thick brown curls now fell to her cutely rounded little bottom. Zechs had trimmed the hair around her face to make little bangs that fluttered just above her eyes, and little ringlets dangled in front of her ears. She giggled a lot and was always smiling. There was probably not a more adorable child to be found anywhere in Asgard or Midgard. Even the gods were a little jealous, although it was impossible not to love such a sweet-natured little creature. Roku looked after her with the doting attention of an older brother. She seemed completely unfazed by his tendency to change shape whenever it suited him.

"I've been thinking," Trowa said thoughtfully as he and Quatre watched Roku and Alexa play. "It's going to be awfully hard for Alexa to get a date when she grows up."

"What do you mean?" Quatre asked in surprise. "She's so sweet! The boys will be lined up at her door waiting to ask her out."

"That's just it. They'll be lined up waiting to ask for permission from Treize and Zechs to take her out. Those two have insanely high standards. What human being in existence is likely to live up to their expectations as an acceptable suitor for their daughter?"

"Oh. I see your point." Quatre regarded little Alexa thoughtfully. "Well, we have all of humanity throughout history to choose from. We're bound to find someone eventually."

"That's a good point." Trowa grinned. "And it gives us an excuse to keep time-traveling."

"Like we really need one."

Alexa began laughing loudly. Roku had her pinned to the ground and was licking her face as she struggled futilely to escape from underneath him. His paws looked huge holding her little hands to the ground on either side. She kicked her feet and rolled her head from side to side, giggling happily.

"You win!" Alexa laughed. "I surrender!"

"You bet I win!" Roku retorted. He bounced up and Alexa rolled onto her knees, wiping her face with both hands.

"Ew! You got me all slobbery!"

"Not like Fenrir."

Alexa giggled. "And my hairs all tangled up too. Mommy will get mad. He just brushed it." She tugged at her hair, trying to comb out the tangles with her fingers.

"I'll do that," Roku said. He shifted to human form and pulled a hairbrush out of his storage space. He knelt down behind Alexa and started brushing her hair. "Do you want me to put a braid in it, like mine and Papa Duo's? It'll stay neater that way while we're playing."

"Yeah."

Quatre leaned against Trowa with a sigh. "That is so sweet. Roku needed someone his own age to play with."

"And with whom he could just be himself," Trowa added. "On Mars he always has to be so careful about his abilities."

"True."

"But speaking of Mars; it's probably time for us to start thinking about going back. Alexa seems to have stabilized."

"She has," Quatre said. "I've examined her pretty carefully and I think she's just growing like a normal girl now."

"That's good. To be honest, I'm a little anxious to get back and make sure we haven't changed the future. Causing the complete destruction of the Earth could have really messed things up."

"I've been thinking about that too," Quatre said seriously. "Let's talk to the others at dinner tonight."

"I think we're supposed to be eating in Valhalla tonight. Frey mentioned something about a special occasion."

"Really? I wonder what."

"I guess we'll find out tonight."

When everyone met up at Frey's house that evening, Zechs examined Alexa's new braid delightedly.

"I like your hair, Alexa. It looks very nice."

She beamed at him. "Thank you, Mommy. Roku did it for me." She twirled around so her braid streamed out. "I think it's really pretty." She pulled it over one shoulder and looked at it.

Treize picked her up and kissed her cheek. "You always look pretty, Alexa. Just like your mother." He smiled at Zechs.

Alexa put her arms around his neck and planted a soft kiss on his cheek. "Thank you, Daddy. Can I ride piggy-back to Valhalla?"

"Of course." Treize boasted her up onto his shoulders and she hooked her fingers together under his chin. Zechs put his arm through Treize's with an affectionate smile.

Duo shook his head. "Those are probably the three most beautiful people I've ever seen. It's scary."

Wu-Fei nodded. "I would have to agree."

Frey appeared. "Is everyone ready? Freya's gone ahead, so it's just us."

The group set out across the Asgard plains for Valhalla. They were still out of sight of the great hall when Roku lifted his head and sniffed.

"I smell smoke. And roast meat." He licked his chops. "I think they're having a barbeque."

Roku was right. As they came within sight of Valhalla, they discovered a festival going on in the field in front of the great doors. Brightly covered pavilions were set up and rugs were spread out on the grass. Several large fires were burning, with whole sides of beef, mutton and pork roasting on spits above them. Barrels of mead stood open everywhere and trestle tables groaned under the weight of boiled potatoes and cabbages, wheels of bright yellow and snowy white cheese, and loaf upon loaf of bread. Dark brown rye bread with soft crusts, fluffy wheat bread with crunchy crusts, and crispy flat breads begged to be slathered in churned sweet butter and fresh berry jam. Bowls of fresh fruits and berries drowning in clotted cream could be seen covering one whole table.

Duo's mouth fell open. "We are truly in heaven!" he breathed.

"That looks really good," said Roku.

"Welcome friends!" Odin cried. He stepped out from the crowd and flung out his arms. "Welcome to a feast in your honor!"

"A feast for us?" Quatre exclaimed, a little confused.

Odin laughed. "Past unfortunate incidents notwithstanding, your visit has been a breath of excitement in the land of Asgard." He put an arm around Quatre's shoulder, earning a slight glare from Trowa. "We have heard rumors that you are thinking about returning home and we couldn't let you leave without saying a proper goodbye." Odin flung his hand out to encompass the people, food and pavilions. "This is how we in Asgard favor those who have become like family."

Quatre smiled. "Thank you, Odin. We are truly grateful and have greatly enjoyed the hospitality and friendship of the mighty gods of Asgard."

Odin beamed. "Well said, beautiful Quatre. Why don't you come sit with me in my pavilion and share a cup of mead?"

Quatre lifted an eyebrow at him. "Do you think that's wise?"

"I'll keep my hands to myself, I promise." Odin winked at him. "But perhaps you'll be kind enough to treat me to a kiss or two as just payment for the embarrassment you caused me."

"Now just a minute…" Trowa growled.

"Don't get worked up, Trowa," Quatre said quickly. "Odin asked very politely, so it would be rude of me to refuse. One or two kisses doesn't seem like much to ask."

"Indeed not!" Odin agreed quickly. He urged Quatre toward the largest of the many pavilions. Trowa followed, grumbling to himself.

"Let's eat!" Heero said. "This feast is for us, after all."

"You said it!" Duo cried enthusiastically. "Come on, Roku! Let's see who can finish a side of beef first." They raced off toward the fires.

"I'm hungry, Daddy," Alexa said. "Can I go with Roku and Uncle Duo?"

"Sure." Treize swung her down to the ground and Alexa hurried off after the others.

"Quatre said she had stopped growing as fast, but she still eats more than I do," Zechs said worriedly. "That can't be normal."

"Roku still eats more than everyone, including Duo," Wu-Fei pointed out. "I think their accelerated beginnings must affect their metabolism."

"It's not very ladylike," Zechs murmured.

"That's an old wives tale," Wu-Fei replied. "Women eat just as much as men when they're equally active, they just pretend not to. Anyway, this food doesn't look too bad. If you'll excuse me, I want to check out that bread over there."

Heero was already heading over to where Duo was sitting cross-legged on a rug next to Roku and Alexa, sharing an enormous platter of beef ribs, beef steaks, mutton chops and pork ribs.

Zechs shook his head. "They're not eating any vegetables."

Treize smiled. "Why don't you help Wu-Fei with the bread and I'll get some potatoes and cabbage."

"All right."

Everyone was eating happily when a commotion started on the far side of the field. Looking over, everyone could see the huge body of Fenrir looming up above the trees.

"I guess Loki's here," Duo said calmly. He resumed eating.

"LOKI!" Odin's angry shout boomed across the throng. "What is that creature doing here?"

Loki grinned broadly as he trotted through the crowd. "Don't get your knickers in a twist, Odin," he laughed. "Fenrir promised to sit right there and just eat a cow or two. He wanted to say goodbye to Roku."

Roku hopped to his feet. "Come on Alexa, let's go say goodbye to Fenrir." Alexa climbed onto Roku's back, but Zechs stopped them before they trotted away.

"Please try to keep Fenrir from drowning her in drool," Zechs pleaded.

"I will."

Zechs shook his head as they left. "She'll need a bath in about ten minutes."

"Most likely," Treize agreed.

Duo suddenly scrambled to his feet and bowed deeply. Everyone turned to stare at the woman he was greeting. She was a lovely creature with long dark hair and wide gray eyes. She walked demurely at Loki's side, offering polite greetings to the men who stared at her with open desire.

"It's a pleasure to see you again, Miss Hel," Duo said. "I think I had forgotten how lovely you are, or you have managed to become more beautiful since we last met." He took her hand and kissed it. Everyone stared at him with their mouths open.

"Oh, Master Duo," Hel replied in a soft but rich voice, "you do me too much honor."

All around her, heads shook furiously in disagreement. Noticeable bulges were starting to show on the fronts of numerous men's trousers.

Duo smiled. "I don't think that's possible, Miss Hel."

Wu-Fei finally found his voice. "Duo, who is this and where did you meet her?"

"This is Hel, Loki's daughter."

"Loki's daughter!" several people exclaimed. "But… we thought…" Everyone stared in amazement.

Hel chuckled. "It's very odd and I think I have young Master Roku to thank, but ever since the Ragnarok, my appearance has not returned to normal. I had just looked into my mirror right before the trouble began and I have retained this shape since then." She looked around. "Alas, I see Roku has gone off. I was hoping he could explain it."

Quatre, Trowa and an extremely irritated Odin joined them.

"Roku told me about the spell he gave you, Miss Hel," Quatre said. He studied her closely. "This is interesting. I can still see traces of the spell clinging to you." Then he grinned and began to laugh. "That Roku! He's such a little rascal. He used a threshold spell."

Hel blinked in delicate confusion. "A what?"

"A threshold spell. It's a kind of spell where the more you use it, the more the magic residue builds up inside you. If you use it enough, you hit a kind of threshold and whatever you were using the spell for becomes permanent. People use spells like that to speed up their ability to learn new things, like playing a musical instrument or sewing. He gave you a threshold spell to change your appearance. You kept using it, so the appearance change became permanent. It probably took hold during Ragnarok because so much big magic was getting thrown about, especially when Roku fixed everything."

Hel touched her cheeks. "Permanent?" she whispered. "You mean I won't change back?"

"I'm afraid not," Quatre grinned. "You're stuck with that incredibly beautiful face for the rest of your life."

"That's a hardship," Heero remarked around a mouthful of potato.

A handsome, well-built hero sidled up to Hel. "My lady," he exclaimed, "your beauty has me completely undone. I beg you to dine with me and let me expound upon my gentlemanly virtues in your exquisite ear, that I might perhaps convince you to share the night with me."

Zechs rolled his eyes. "Where did these brutes learn to speak? Are none of them even remotely acquainted with the art of seduction?" Zechs looked around and noticed a pleasant-looking young man with yellow blond curls staring longingly at Hel. The decidedly pronounced bulge in his trousers indicated that he was probably better endowed then the hero trying to win Hel's attention. Zechs turned to Hel.

"My lady," he purred in a voice as silken and smooth as honey pouring from a spoon. "I pray you to turn your eyes upon yonder gentleman, whose masculine seemliness lies shielded within the courteous charm of his youthful beauty. Look at the glistening roundness of his lips as he moistens them with the shy tip of his soft tongue. Fix your eyes on the smooth flow of his muscles as they glide beneath his unblemished skin. Can you not imagine the enfolding strength of his embrace as he cradles you tenderly to his bosom? Can you not feel the warmth of his breath against your lovely face as he whispers the secrets of his passion in your delicate ear? Can you not taste the sweetness of his gentle but passionate kiss? His heart pounds in his breast as he longs to savor the delicious, womanly charms your slender body promises. His manhood aches to awaken the full flower of your womanhood. Will you not fulfill the promise of his sweet love? What say you, beauteous Hel?"

The young man who was the target of this speech was clearly on the verge of some kind of apoplectic seizure. His face had gone from pale to flushed and back to pale again during the course of Zechs' speech. Now he stared at Hel with hope and desire plain on his face, clearly not prepared to risk speaking yet.

Hel returned his stare with large eyes. Her generous bosom was rising and falling quickly. "Oh my!" she exclaimed when Zechs was finished. "How sweetly you impress his virtues upon me! Perhaps…" She held out one slender hand and the young man stepped forward quickly to take it.

"Lady Hel," he whispered, "I know a lovely meadow beside a swift stream where the grass is deep and the birds sing sweetly."

"I would love to see it," Hel replied with a sweet smile. The youth led her away.

"They won't make it," Heero said bluntly. "He'll jump her as soon as they're out of sight."

"Humph!" Zechs sniffed. "You underestimate the power of a seductive word. Just because all of your sexual invitations are along the lines of 'why are your pants still on?' doesn't mean the rest of us are so impatient."

Duo snickered.

Roku and Alexa returned. Both of them were dripping wet.

Zechs paled. "Oh lord!"

Alexa giggled. "I like Fenrir!"

"Me too," said Roku. "I'll miss him."

Loki offered them a deep bow with a dramatic flourish. "I will certainly miss all of you. You have made this one of the most interesting years of my existence. The stories I will tell of your exploits and adventures will sound in Valhalla for years to come."

"I don't think…" Odin began.

"My favorite," Loki continued loudly, "will of course be the story of the Goddess Odin."

Odin turned bright red. "I have forbidden anyone to speak ever again about that which never occurred!"

Loki smirked.

"Maybe it's just as well we're leaving," Trowa remarked casually. "If Loki starts telling that story and Odin starts throwing fireballs…"

"They'll just have to fix Asgard themselves next time," Quatre said.

"Come on, let's enjoy the rest of the feast," Duo interrupted. "I want to get a game of dice going."

"Not strip poker?" Frey asked innocently. Heimdall flinched.

Duo grinned. "Why? You want to play?"

"Oh, I don't know. It might be fun."

"Well, then," Duo said brightly, "why don't we just slip out of sight of the children? Roku, can you toss me a deck of cards, please?"

Roku did so and Duo caught the box neatly.

"Care to join us, Heimdall?"

Heimdall looked morose. "I'm no good at that game."

"Nonsense," Duo laughed. "You were great. I certainly enjoyed it. Let's go."

He caught Frey and Heimdall each by the arm and led them away.

"Great!" Quatre muttered. "Frey has no idea what he's in for."

"He did ask for it," Wu-Fei noted.

Freya waddled over, patting her rounded tummy contentedly. "Do I not look the picture of motherly womanhood?" she chortled. "Master Heero, it will please me to tell your child all about you one day. Have you a name you would like to give a son? I have already picked out a name for a daughter."

Heero looked panicked. Wu-Fei nudged him.

"Um… I don't know. Hadeya, I guess." He swallowed and blinked at her.

"Hadeya. I like it." Freya beamed at him. "I will miss you, Master Heero. But if you will excuse me, I'm going to go shove my expectant belly under Brunhilde's big nose." She strolled away, humming happily.

"If we keep fathering children in the past like this, half the world is going to be descended from us," Wu-Fei said. He rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "Duo's genes are already kicking around England and probably America and maybe Australia and New Zealand. Heero's genes may end up all over northern Europe, depending on how frisky the gods get with humans, which means, what with colonialism and all, his genes could end up all over Europe, Africa and Asia. We really should be more careful."

"It's not like I did it on purpose," Heero grumbled.

Wu-Fei smiled. "I know. And it was your first time."

"It was not!"

Odin put his arm around Quatre's shoulders again. "Let's go back to my pavilion. You still owe me those kisses."

"Oh very well."

Trowa followed them, grumbling under his breath again.

The next morning, everyone gathered in the main hall of Frey's house. They had their belongings piled around them, along with numerous gifts and goodies they had received over the past few months.

"I will certainly miss you," Frey said. He was sitting rather primly on the edge of a chair. Heimdall sat on another chair, carefully perched on one buttock.

"We'll miss you too, Frey," Quatre replied. "Maybe we'll come back for a visit one day."

"That would be nice."

"Now, do we have everything?" Quatre looked around. Zechs was holding Alexa, who watched the proceedings with large eyes. Everyone else began gathering up bags and shouldering packs. "All right then," Quatre said when everything was picked up. "Here we go. Let's return to the night we left, one hour before dawn, please." He flipped open his spell book, read the page and then spook the words resoundingly.

The world shifted and they found themselves standing in the middle of the living room in their house on Mars. The soft whir of the air conditioning was the only sound.

"That's way better than getting dropped in the middle of a snowstorm," Duo announced. "Can eat before we unpack?"

"We just ate!" Wu-Fei exclaimed.

"Time-travel makes me hungry."

"Geez!"

"If you'll excuse us," Treize said, "we'll just step over to our house and get Alexa settled."

"Come back for breakfast," Trowa said. He glanced at Duo and chuckled. "In an hour."

"Aw, man!"

"Of course," said Treize. He and Zechs took their belongings and Alexa and went home.

"So have we come up with a good way to explain Alexa yet?" Heero asked. "She has no records and there won't be any record of her arriving on Mars."

"Why don't you do something about that?" Trowa suggested. "You're good with computers. Create a Martian birth certificate for her and phony up an adoption record for Treize and Zechs."

Heero looked thoughtful. "Yeah, I guess I can do that. But I'll need to use an official computer. I'll do it at work later."

"Sounds like a plan."

"Mama, may I go tell Miss Sally we're back?"

"Of course dear, but change shape first."

"Ok." Roku shifted to human form and bounded out the door.

Wu-Fei looked out the door and sneezed. A small jet of fire escaped him. "Shit! Where are my allergy pills?" He muttered angrily to himself as he wandered off to the bathroom, scratching one shoulder. "Dammit! I itch, too!"

"Climate change sure is a bitch," Duo sympathized. He trailed after Wu-Fei. "You want me to oil you?"

"Yeah, just keep your hands on the scaly places."

"Your butt's scaly."

"I'll hit you."

"Man!"

Trowa put an arm around Quatre's shoulder. "It's nice to be home, isn't it?"

"It sure is."

-o-o-o-o-o-

_And thus ends **Gundam Wing and the Gods of Thunder**! I hope you enjoyed this story. The boys' family has gotten bigger again and that certainly promises to make things interesting as they try to settle back into their life on Mars. _ _Will they succeed? Who knows? Join Heero, Wu-Fei, Duo, Quatre, Trowa, Roku, Treize, Zechs and little Alexa in their next adventure: **Gundam Wing on Mount Olympus**!_


End file.
